Why always the 'dilemmas'?

[carl1222]

All these answers are way too analytical, so I'll make it simple.

She is a whacko and a psycho.

Even if you love her, she will still be a whacko and a psycho.

Even if it would break your heart to leave her, she is still a whacko and a psycho.

Run for the nearest exit!!!!

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Carl, I will tag team you anytime. You're no dump truck.

[Skoystah]

I just can't believe she's a 'psycho' you know, even though I seen the evidence, i.e. her holding a knife. I'm still thinking like she's innocent, that maybe she's being like this cos I'm not treating her right?

My feelings are so mixed at the moment. I really don't feel like putting any effort in it right now. I remember months ago, I was trying so much to soothe her when we had a fight, when I supposedly did something 'wrong'. Then I started argueing back, leading to yelling at eachother. Now I often find myself hanging up the phone when we start argueing, trying to avoid confrontation, cos I just don't feel like it anymore. Ofcourse this sets her off even more, making her say I dont even try to 'fight' for her, etc etc.

I just don't have the will or strength anymore for it. It became too frustrating to fall on my knees for every little 'mistake' I make. Or hearing her say things like 'I hate you' or 'You're an idiot', 'I hate your family and your ****ing friends', 'Don't talk to me ever again', and so on and so forth. She can just turn from the sweetest thing to the meanest person ever, and it surprises me every time. And every time she becomes the sweetest thing again, I think 'How is it possible she can be so mean, look at her, as sweet as she is'.

I can't take anymore. Have I given up my life, my future in my home country for this? Is this really worth it? I doubt it. Every day I come closer to breaking up with her, even though it might be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'm craving for a happy life, and very likely this would be without her, yet I can't imagine living completely without her.
I also can't or don't want to imagine her with somebody else. Jealousy often has taken a hold of me, especially the times she 'lied' about being with her ex-bf, to make me jealous or hurt me. But I can't stay with her 'so she wouldn't get someone else'. That doesn't make sense at all.

Tbh, I'm not even sure what a 'good' relationship should look like. Hell, maybe I have the wrong idea about it. But something tells me this isn't. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this. Am I looking for absolution? Maybe I'm looking whether I'm the one doing something wrong? I just don't want to make a huge mistake by breaking up with her, and then later realize that I did want to be with her. In most cases, couples might come back together afterwards, when they realise it was a mistake to break upt. In my case, I can't just move home now and then move here again. This was a one-time try.

My best friend has been saying it a few times, that I won't hold much longer with this strain.

Just one word for it all : bleh! : <

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Wasn't it established earlier that she will do everything she can to make it seem like it is all your fault? You're also still in denial if you dont think she has issues that can lead to being called "psycho" behavior. There's obviously problems in her past, I guarantee you that you didnt have to tell us that. But you are drained, loving someone isnt enough to put up with such behavior. She will probably drive you to your grave before your time from the stress and controlling behavior. You need to start working on you and moving on. This is obviously not what you want, and most definitely not what you need.

[Skoystah]

Bleh... she's sitting at home, I don't feel like going over there We started to argue about it on the phone... then I said I couldn't go on anymore, I couldn't be with her, even though I love her.

She was crying, she was saying we were gonna try, that she could control herself, that she would change. She was asking, almost begging, what she should do to make me happy, what I expected from her. She sounded so sad, I had to cry She was making me doubt again ... maybe she isn't bad, maybe it can change. Hearing her voice like that, so sad, saying she loves me, all those things But I'm so exhausted

[misombra]

marry her. have ten kids with her.

[BrokenPieces]

I knew a girl like this. She wasn't near as extreme, but she could come off so genuinely sweet and innocent that you believed her - then, once you're around her more, you realize she's just a good actress who's a manipulative bitch.

Honestly, when your gf was threatening that she would kill herself with the knife, ten to one says that if you had said "Go right ahead, then" she would have looked at you blankly, and then just start yelling at you saying that you shouldn't make her do such a thing, etc., etc. I don't believe she would have actually stabbed herself. But it's beside the point, either she was attempting to control the situation or she's not right in the head, either one is bad.

Trust me, she's proving right now that she isn't going to change. Her crying and trying to convince you to stay with her is just one more way she's manipulating you; she's trying to make you be sensitive to her feelings and forget all YOUR feelings that make you want to leave. You can't have someone as extreme as her just suddenly change, especially with her history.

As a matter of fact, I wonder if you actually feed off of the drama. A person that doesn't like drama avoids it, not stays with the exact definition of it. Some people claim they can't stand to have it in their lives, but often they put up with it all the time because they would be bored without it.

If you really can't leave her then fine, stay with her. All I know is I wouldn't put up with that on a daily basis.

[Skoystah]

I'm not kicking on the drama, the drama makes me miserable : / I just don't want go give up quickly, cos giving up, also means quitting my job and moving back etc ...

I was at her place today, after our phone call where I said I couldn't be with her anymore, that I didn't want it anymore... She was crying, saying she loves me so much, saying she was so wrong about all those 'mean' things she has done. She said she would never do such things again, that now she realised how wrong she was, always wanting more. That she would do everything to keep me, she didnt even want to marry anymore she said, etc ... A part of me believed her, or wanted to. She look so poor, I couldnt believe she was 'acting' all that.

Should I give her another chance? I don't know. It feels like something inside me flipped, where I'm past that point where I wanna give another chance. But when I see her cry, I just can't refuse that : / Sigh, what to do what to do.

[alovehangoverr]

I'm not kicking on the drama, the drama makes me miserable : / I just don't want go give up quickly, cos giving up, also means quitting my job and moving back etc ...

I was at her place today, after our phone call where I said I couldn't be with her anymore, that I didn't want it anymore... She was crying, saying she loves me so much, saying she was so wrong about all those 'mean' things she has done. She said she would never do such things again, that now she realised how wrong she was, always wanting more. That she would do everything to keep me, she didnt even want to marry anymore she said, etc ... A part of me believed her, or wanted to. She look so poor, I couldnt believe she was 'acting' all that.

Should I give her another chance? I don't know. It feels like something inside me flipped, where I'm past that point where I wanna give another chance. But when I see her cry, I just can't refuse that : / Sigh, what to do what to do.

You shouldn't stay with someone because they cry and beg you to stay. It's easy to cry. It's easy to SAY you'll change. It's easy to do all of this to avoid a break up.. actually making the change happen? A lot harder.

Listen, if you're unsure of whether you want to end it or not [I'm still in favor of you calling it quits-- this situation is beyond unhealthy] then tell her you need to take a break from the relationship until she handles her issues and proves to you she's changed. This includes getting therapy-- seriously, I've said it once I'll say it again-- her issues are not going to go away because she says she wants them to. They're too extreme to deal with on her own-- especially since she thought what she was doing was acceptable until you threatened to leave her.

[IndiReloaded]

Sooner or later you will come to realize this isn't love. She definitely needs counselling tho, and you should tell her so.

Did you read the Shining Knight link? You need to be clear: even if she gets better, she will not respect you for tolerating her BS now.

I think your best bet, if you ever really want to entertain a future relationship with this gal, is to insist she get help/grow up/whatever. Break for at least several months to regain your balance. You are messed up from this, you just don't realize it right now.

Read this also. Replace 'he' with 'she' and most important *be honest* with yourself about what is going on. Stop trying to rescue this gal, stop feeling guilty about breaking up. People do it ALL the time, that's what dating is about. You aren't married to this gal, you don't "owe" her anything. You can do much better & you are wasting time "polishing a turd".

[url]http://abuse101.com/emotionalabuse.html[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, and if you stay with her, but start to insist on her better behaviour, I predict she will start to threaten to break up with *you*.

Its just the next step in the manipulation. The first time she tries it, I suggest you actually take up up on it & tell her to leave. Do not, under any circumstances, plead for *her* to stay. If you do, you may as well hand her your balls on a plate w/a fork & knife.

[Skoystah]

A few days have passed now, and this is starting to look like a blog! But I need someplace to vent my thoughts.

We've been hanging out together, and she's been remarkably sweet. She says she loves and misses me alot, and she hugs me often, instead of me hugging her (she rarely hugged me before). But I'm confused. I somehow feel different since the last couple of days. I don't feel the need to hug her, or be intimate with her that often anymore, if even. I'm still thinking about home, and maybe going back, breaking up with her. On the other hand I'm thinking: "How can I break up with her now, now everything seems to go better, now she actually seems changed". I just never missed my home and friends more than now. It just only got more complicated. I'm thinking maybe the reason I'm unhappy isn't only the abuse I've been getting, but also that I just don't feel I want to spend my life with this girl. But believe it or not, her 'good' sides, still keep me in, for now. I'm afraid though, that if she stays 'nice' like this, I will only be more confused

Anyhow, I'm visiting my home next month, hoping that this will shed more light on the situation (don't know how but ...). I hope in the mean time the readers of this post won't get fed up with my endless stalemate. In any case, I would like to thank everybody, for listening and giving their opinion.

[misombra]

she'll be on her best behavior until you give in. then she'll go back. a person cannot put up such a front for very long.

[Skoystah]

Give in to what?

[Skoystah]

Oh the confusion. It's even worse now than before our huge fight, if that's even possible. When we had that fight, before and after, I was in such a state of mind that I was on the edge of giving it up, I didn't want it anymore, I was almost sure of it.

Now, it looks like she's changed. Or am I being naive? I know many ppl here stated that she wouldn't be able to change without therapy... but is it possible? Is it possible she realised that she could actually lose me, and something snapped? She's apologising for all the wrongs she caused me, she says she understands now ...

So now she's being really sweet, nice, attentful, understanding ... and I'm only remaining homesick .. I miss my friends, my family so much .. I miss going out with my friends .. bleh ...

I guess for now I will see what happens .. somehow I cant believe she just changed like that, and someday she'll feel unhappy .. I'll feel unhappy ... This situation is not quite what I expected :s