Things that irritate me...

[Indignant]

f*ck yeah.... c'mon, it didn't work out once, why would the past work now?? then again, people are dumb and history repeats itself huh?

raverboy

ok man, sober up, she only said hi, not marry me Lite

[Indignant]

It's 'cause she's a ****ing bitch.

hey, look who's talking GIGABITCH!

[Aeradalia]

Indifference is the opposite of love...

Resentment hints at some lingering attachment... tread carefully Lite... nothing may come of this, but this woman reappearing too often will only hurt your current relationship.

Sometimes the sound of silence is all you need to make a resounding 'no' that is heard loud and clear...

[Lite]

Why didn't you just ignore her friend request?

There was no friend request, just an e-mail.

[Lite]

Uh, a little background. When you hear me mention having been in a verbally abusive relationship, that would be this woman. Now, I don't resent her. In a way I kind of pity her as I saw up close and personal just how classy her mother was, and the general level of abuse she endured on a daily basis. Which included her being told repeatedly by her mother that she was too stupid for college (She graduated with a 4 year degree.) and a few other things.

Her mother had an affair for oh, 12 years, and told her that if she ever told her father that she'd disown her. Her parents divorced, and used her as an excuse to be vindictive towards each other... Her step-father tried to molest her and her mother's response was, "Oh, well we all have to learn to forgive and forget."

But, just because I know why she's screwed up doesn't mean I don't think she isn't responsible for dealing with her own crap. In fact, at one point I told her during our relationship that if she didn't go get help I was leaving the relationship. Of course, this was just more fodder for her to be angry at me.

Pretty much she was verbally abusive and had no sense of being annoyed/irritated and outright pissed off. There was no in-between dimmer switch. She was either very angry at everything, or not.

Her father died when she was still in High School, so he had lingering guilt about her mother's affair, yadda.

That having been said, she was the first love of my life. I don't remember our relationship fondly, but I don't harbor ill will towards her either. I just don't really want contact with her.

Pretty much being contacted out of the blue after 10 years (our last conversation consisted of her telling me how she was dating a real man now, and me responding that I was happy for her and that to celebrate breaking up with her I'd gone to Disney World. (Which, I really had gone...)

Anyway, I'm aware of how much things hurt when there's no sense of closure, and how difficult it is for some people to overcome that. Basically the only reason I even responded was in case she has questions and needed closure on something. I'm not willing to be friends with her, let alone have any kind of relationship with her. The abuse I suffered at her hands directly contributed to a good number of emotional issues regarding self worth, self esteem, and enforcing one's personal boundaries that I developed. Compared to this woman, my ex-wife looks almost saintly.

But, I pity her. Thus why I asked her what she wanted from me. Either she wasn't going to respond at all to it (which to date she hasn't) and go away, or she would tell me what she wanted and if it was within the limited acceptable range of discussions I was willing to engage in, then things would be fine. Otherwise I would have kindly told her to go find someone else's energy to leech.

So, the speculation of me being vindictive is pretty far off the beaten path, and while some people wonder why I wouldn't be willing to "just talk to her" it's because I really just don't have any desire to. I'm not required to be friends with anyone who wants to be my friend.

Frasbee's statement of resent isn't really how I'd put it. It's more like, I remember clearly even now 10 years later why I ended the relationship and the damage that relationship caused in my life between me and my family, my friends, even my job at times. She would actually physically interpose herself between me and whatever friend/family member was trying to talk to me, as if it would block what they were saying.

As for me? I was kind of immature at the time and not the world's best boyfriend. However I was kind, and caring, and supportive of her goals. When her father died, I was there for her, even though we weren't dating at the time. (The relationship was on-again/off-again during High-School)

She might have changed, and be a far better person now. However that doesn't mean she didn't burn all of her good will with me 10 years ago.

But, like I said I'm kind of personally driven to try and help people at times, and that was why I even responded in the first place. She's pretty much like the wounded animal that tries to bite you when you try to help it. And I pity her. She didn't have an easy life growing up. But that doesn't make me feel that she is possibly any less dangerous or abusive.

[Aeradalia]

Lite.. I feel for you.. I really do.. my mother is more or less the same way (if not worse)... however, such people tend to take kindness for weakness in order to weasel their way back into your life.

I cannot express it enough... be careful that your kind gesture is not used against you. It would be best to not take any risks and just not respond at all in the future.

[Lite]

Lite.. I feel for you.. I really do.. my mother is more or less the same way (if not worse)... however, such people tend to take kindness for weakness in order to weasel their way back into your life.

I cannot express it enough... be careful that your kind gesture is not used against you. It would be best to not take any risks and just not respond at all in the future.

I'm quite capable of nuking any conversation or attempt at conversation from orbit these days. I just try not to unless it really is necessary. For example, my wife knows all about me being contacted, and we even discussed what information I would be willing to convey vs not convey and what I wanted out of the exchange. Which, really I don't want anything out of it other than to have her go away. If that happens because I pissed her off, told her to go, or resolved her question. So be it. As long as the end result is the same and no energy is leeched from my relationship with my wife in the process.

[Mish]

I agree that you are not required to be friends or talk to exs. There are some exs I keep contact with and chat to (through email) on regular basis. There are some I would never want to speak with again. It all depends on their personality, some ended up being okay friends, some just repulse me.

[misombra]

sounds her life was fuked up. but that doesn't give her any reason to treat people like shit. i know people who have gone through far worse things than that and are nice, decent people.

anyway about the email, kinda sounds like you were glad to hear from her. maybe you're relieved that you're not involved in all that crap anymore.

also sounds like you're one of those "too nice" guys.

[Lite]

also sounds like you're one of those "too nice" guys.

Actually, I WAS one of those "too nice" guys, and it's been a cause of many problems in my life. I'm not perfect about it now, but I'm much better than I was then.

It's slightly flattering to have meant enough to someone that they looked you up years later, however the relationship was sufficiently damaging to me that I'm not interested in any kind of interaction with her.

[misombra]

hopefully she learned her lesson.

[Sonrisa]

sad sad sad pity pity pity boo hoo boo hoo same old story in every thread. why can't everyone just get along?

[doppelgaenger]

sad sad sad pity pity pity boo hoo boo hoo same old story in every thread. why can't everyone just get along?

Everybody is getting along, you jackass.

[Gribble]

Everybody is getting along, you jackass.

Go to hell you piece of shit.

[Sonrisa]

but really, look at the context of each thread:

1. my ex is a fuking bitch/asshole

2. look at how glorious i am

3. why oh why me?

4. fishing for compliments and compassion


the ratio of people actually admitting their faults and weaknesses to people who want pity and attention for no reason is......1:100