Our libidos are out of sync and...

[Cain]

I know where you're coming from. The relationship I'm in now started as me wanting sex more than here. After a few weeks when she began to want it more than me. It got to the point to where she would want it time after time after time in the same day. After sex she would jump me again trying for more. When I turned her down because I just needed a break she acted a little hurt, though she says she was joking. She said, "I never had a guy complain before."

She doesn't, however, cry about it. That's where I would have issues. I can't have sex all the time. I have other things to do. If she got that upset then we would have to have a serious talk. **** rejection. **** insecurities. Why is it that women can turn a guy down but a guy can't turn a woman down?

[vashti]

To be honest, the fact that you are so angry about this makes me wonder if it happens more regularly than you say.

[Gigabitch]

How often does she turn you down?

[Rico Bravo]

You just might need to work extra hard to reassure her that your tiredness has nothing to do with her desirability to you.

Again!

As Vashti mentioned, you sound a little bit defensive and sort of unwilling to see her hurt feelings as anything more than drama.

Better here than at home.

To be honest, the fact that you are so angry about this makes me wonder if it happens more regularly than you say.

It's been months. I don't know what regular is, but that's not it. I'm also NOT angry. I'm upset...and with her, I like to keep my mouth closed so it doesn't blow up into anger. I'm always available to talk to her, I just need it to be clearly communicated. I don't play these I'm upset at you now games, now you have to find out why. She knows this, and she knows I won't play fair. We've been all through this, I don't know how to get through to her, and I'm sure this is the answer I'm looking for.

How often does she turn you down?

I don't keep track. A hand full of times? Maybe I have a better sense of space. You know how I deal with it though? I jump on my bike and go for a ride. By the time I come back I'm too tired to dwell on it. I'm peaceful like that.

[Gigabitch]

Buy her a vibrator for her birthday.

[Rico Bravo]

Buy her a vibrator for her birthday.

Do they have any that will talk to me when she's upset?

[starbuck]

Haha, Giga. I was actually thinking the same thing, but just didn't say it.

Look Rico, no one here thinks you're a pig or a bad guy. But you seem to have more of a problem with the way your girlfriend acts over this, rather than the fact that she wants sex more than you.

You want her to go ride a bike and exercise out her feelings when she's hurt or angry? That's not her way of dealing with things it's YOURS. Deal with her the way she is. Hemming and hawing about how unfair it is that she acts this way is not going to solve your problem.

Rational talking and reassurance is a better route.

[Rico Bravo]

Look Rico, no one here thinks you're a pig or a bad guy. But you seem to have more of a problem with the way your girlfriend acts over this, rather than the fact that she wants sex more than you.

Well, I'm glad I made that much obvious.

You want her to go ride a bike and exercise out her feelings when she's hurt or angry? That's not her way of dealing with things it's YOURS. Deal with her the way she is. Hemming and hawing about how unfair it is that she acts this way is not going to solve your problem.

Rational talking and reassurance is a better route.

I'm not sure how you would conclude that I want her to go ride a bike. I thought I made my self clear that I don't want to be left out in the dark with her feelings. I mean seriously, if your SO withheld that info from you, to guess later, you wouldn't be upset?

It's elementary psychology. If I communicated to my dog that I appreciated her sit an hour and half latter, how likely is my dog going to repeat the behavior? Not likely. How likely am I going to be sensitive to my gf's feelings if I'm finding out about it an hour and half later? Not likely if we gone through all this already.

Call me oblivious, just don't call me impossible. I'm really not. I know I'll be able to talk rationally about it...she's likely to take it as lack of emotion. I know I'll be able to reassure her that I'm good with her...but that's not the problem, is it?

[vashti]

I'm not sure how you would conclude that I want her to go ride a bike. I thought I made my self clear that I don't want to be left out in the dark with her feelings.

I think the message we are trying to send is that you should anticipate that if she throws herself at you, she will be hurt if you reject her. It's just a girl thing.

We don't necessarily understand why you guys react some of the ways you do, but we still have to accept it as fact if we want peace in the home, ya know?

[Rollerderby]

The reason why "girls can reject guys, but guy can't reject girls" (albeit a little hypocritical) is simple darwinism of the species: men make the moves and women have the final say.

So when a woman makes the moves, i.e. she thinks she is safe to not be rejected, and is rejected, it's hard. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But men are scorned almost daily.

How often do you initiate sex? If you turn her down how gentle are you? is there room for compromise like, "Babe, I'm not up for it right now, but how about a good make-out and I'll eat you out/finger you?" You know... maybe you don't need your O but she does.

Maybe you guys just aren't well suited. Sex is an important dynamic in a relationship and if it goes away the relationship isn't likely to last much longer.

[starbuck]

Well, I'm glad I made that much obvious.


I'm not sure how you would conclude that I want her to go ride a bike. I thought I made my self clear that I don't want to be left out in the dark with her feelings. I mean seriously, if your SO withheld that info from you, to guess later, you wouldn't be upset?

It's elementary psychology. If I communicated to my dog that I appreciated her sit an hour and half latter, how likely is my dog going to repeat the behavior? Not likely. How likely am I going to be sensitive to my gf's feelings if I'm finding out about it an hour and half later? Not likely if we gone through all this already.

Call me oblivious, just don't call me impossible. I'm really not. I know I'll be able to talk rationally about it...she's likely to take it as lack of emotion. I know I'll be able to reassure her that I'm good with her...but that's not the problem, is it?

First off, your your gf isn't a dog or a child who needs to be taught the right and wrong way. I have a feeling that you probably know when she's hurt, but don't go to her because you want to wait and see if she comes to you. You're not a dumb bunny. You KNOW exactly why she's acting the way she's acting, especially since this has happened multiple times.

That's just as passive aggressive as her behavior IMO. Why wait for her to come to you? Why not just say, "Look I know you're why you're crying, let's talk about this?" Maybe you enjoy the drama, too.

[Rico Bravo]

So when a woman makes the moves, i.e. she thinks she is safe to not be rejected, and is rejected, it's hard. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But men are scorned almost daily.

This I can relate to. Thank you.

How often do you initiate sex? If you turn her down how gentle are you? is there room for compromise like, "Babe, I'm not up for it right now, but how about a good make-out and I'll eat you out/finger you?" You know... maybe you don't need your O but she does.

I'd say (she's likely to disagree) I initiate at least half the time. I like to think I'm very gentle turning her down. She'll throw some sort of fit, regardless. Most if the time I think she's just being playful. I don't know what to think now.

Maybe you guys just aren't well suited. Sex is an important dynamic in a relationship and if it goes away the relationship isn't likely to last much longer.

It hasn't gone away. In fact, I'd say it's better now than it ever has been. I don't even want to think of not being suited.

[Rico Bravo]

First off, your your gf isn't a dog or a child who needs to be taught the right and wrong way.

Sorry, the laws of psychology are fundamental across all species. It isn't about right from wrong as it is how we learn.

I have a feeling that you probably know when she's hurt, but don't go to her because you want to wait and see if she comes to you. You're not a dumb bunny. You KNOW exactly why she's acting the way she's acting, especially since this has happened multiple times.

I understand you don't know me, but you're absolutely wrong. If I could have identified it then I would cherish the opportunity to fix it then.

That's just as passive aggressive as her behavior IMO. Why wait for her to come to you? Why not just say, "Look I know you're why you're crying, let's talk about this?" Maybe you enjoy the drama, too.

What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome. I've tried that, many times, we get resolve, and bam, here we go again. F' the drama, it's a complete turn off.

[Rollerderby]

Maybe you can counter act this by initiating more often.

You know... throw her down on the kitchen table after dinner when she least expects it. And do that once a week or so (or more). Give her some passion that she can't write home about. ;-)

[Rico Bravo]

Maybe you can counter act this by initiating more often.

You know... throw her down on the kitchen table after dinner when she least expects it. And do that once a week or so (or more). Give her some passion that she can't write home about. ;-)

I like it. Maybe I am too sensitive to space. So what if she has a final exam to study for...it can wait.