Ask Me Anything About Guys

[Charlie Boy II]

If a girl gives it up to soon it just gives me the impression she's had heaps of dicks in her.

If something is widely available, then its value is reduced. I don't feel like I'm getting something that's really special. It also makes me think she's a bit tainted.

For me it has zero to do with being compared with other guys. I never worry about that stuff.

[starbuck]

i asked my bf about this and he said he liked me so much when we met that he would not have cared if we'd slept together in the first week we met. it would not make any difference.

My boyfriend said the same thing about meeting me (we had sex on the third date). He thinks that it's stupid for women to purposely wait to have sex for a certain amount of time in an attempt to seem more valuable in his eyes. He thinks the couple should just do what feels right.

It doesn't really make sense to me to dump someone JUST BECAUSE you had sex with them. There have to be other reasons, right?

Here's what I think happens:

Guy A has a couple dates with Girl B and he's not sure how he feels about her yet, but likes her enough to sleep with her. Then after they sleep together, the intimacy may force the relationship to become a little more serious than he initially wanted. He gets scared and dumps Girl B.

Even if Girl B doesn't sleep with the guy, there still could be a chance that she could be dumped if the chemistry isn't there. But if the guy was totally head-over-heels with her right off the bat, I don't think the sex would matter.

[NeoSeminole]

misombra says:

"i asked my bf about this and he said he liked me so much when we met that he would not have cared if we'd slept together in the first week we met. it would not make any difference."

I agree with your bf. It doesn't make sense for a guy to suddenly lose interests in a girl after she puts out unless he has issues. If a girl doesn't wait long to have sex with you, then it means you're more likely to sleep with her again soon. I don't see what the problem is.

[NeoSeminole]

Charlie Boy II says:

"If a girl gives it up to soon it just gives me the impression she's had heaps of dicks in her.

If something is widely available, then its value is reduced. I don't feel like I'm getting something that's really special. It also makes me think she's a bit tainted.

For me it has zero to do with being compared with other guys. I never worry about that stuff."

why do you feel you deserve a girl with a high value? How do you determine her value? For example, what if she's intelligent, nice, and athletic, but puts out after a couple dates? Also, how would you feel if a girl told you the same: you weren't desirable enough for her b/c you haven't been in as many relationships or with as many sexual partners?

[misombra]

If a girl gives it up to soon it just gives me the impression she's had heaps of dicks in her.

If something is widely available, then its value is reduced. I don't feel like I'm getting something that's really special. It also makes me think she's a bit tainted.

For me it has zero to do with being compared with other guys. I never worry about that stuff.

but it's a double standard. i mean, the guy would be sleeping with the girl too. wtf is the difference? he doesn't lose any value because he gave it up too soon?

[doppelgaenger]

Well I don't think it has to do with value, but rather testing how promiscuous the girl is.

Women do the same shit with other things.

It's called insecurity.

[lesa]

It's called insecurity.

Yep it's insecurity. He doesn't know whether she slept with the whole football team just because she waits to have sex with him. Knowing that the girl is waiting gives that perception of value. It makes HIM feel better about his the insecurity he does not realize he has.

It would be nice if I could have a man that waits a while too--to make me think he doesn't sex anything that has a vagina and offers it to him. I would feel more secure and therefore increase his value in my eyes.

[nonconformist]

What are some fundamental differences in tactics (those that manifest early on) when a guy is searching for a short-term relationship versus a long-term relationship?

short term relationship: 1st date never food

for a short term relationship (some easy sex) I would definitely just take a girl out for drinks and maybe an activity that we would both enjoy but never food. Once a girl eats the odds of getting them in bed is slim.

long term relationship: 1st date always food

Fancy restaurant. Express some acts of chivalry. Moonlight stroll or something romantic after dinner.

[Junket]

Chivalry is dumb.

[Mish]

this is why i don't date. men don't experience courteous behavior anymore. it has to be acted out.

I think it's not expressed because it's no longer appreciated. Courteous behaviour = sucker with a little wee wee, in the minds of many women.

[vashti]

this is why i don't date. men don't experience courteous behavior anymore. it has to be acted out.

I suspect there were always people with bad manners. Just stay away from them.

BTW - can you give examples of the discourteous behavior? I could use a good laugh.

[misombra]

or slam the door in their freakin face.

[Aeradalia]

I think it's not expressed because it's no longer appreciated. Courteous behaviour = sucker with a little wee wee, in the minds of many women.

I wonder why?

Part of my upbringing involved some traditions from the Southern States in the US... where some form of chivalry remains intact. Never saw it as a problem... and certainly not a jab at the guy's character. Didn't have any trouble discussing more modern ideas with such men either...

[shree367]

So me and my bofriend have been together 2 1/2 weve broken up a few times.. but still were friends and close.. everything has been perfect between us other then the fact that he doesnt want to be intament with me.. we used to be but now its i=like doesnt even wanna kiss me or anything.. ive told him many of times that it hurts me and hes given me every excuse in the book.. im not asking we bang every second of everyday.. just maybe we could make out once in a while.. its like everytime we kiss or something he has to say "oh im soo tired" or "my sstomach hurts" so ill get the hint 'were not having sex or whatever'.. he works hard, and i understand he doesnt have a lot of energy when he gets home, which is fine, but on the weekends i expect something! it really breaks my heart.. i knw hes not cheating and i know he really does care about me, because he always makes me things at work and tells me he loves me, and stuff, and i sooo appriciate it.. i just dont understand how at 20 years old he has NO sex drive at all.
some one give me advice on what i should do..and why the hell this is happening.

[vashti]

i just dont understand how at 20 years old he has NO sex drive at all.
some one give me advice on what i should do..and why the hell this is happening.

He's probably low on testosterone. If he doesn't seek medical assistance, and you care about having a sex life, I'd get rid of him. It won't get any better in time - in fact, it will only get worse. I promise.