Girls having guy friends

[Cain]

and the other half?

Even if the first half wants to, it doesn't mean it's ever going to happen.

The other half wants to but is just afraid to tell you.

[NBT]

and the other half?

Even if the first half wants to, it doesn't mean it's ever going to happen.

I think the point he was trying to make was that half of them have the DESIRE, which could play a part in the TYPE of friend they are to you.

When a guy WANTS a girl, he cares, but selfishly sometimes.

In other words, he could have ulterior motives when he gives you certain advice about things, etc.

Whether you see them that way or not, is irrelevant.

Hell, Jessica Alba doesn't know who I am...But it won't stop me from thinking she's pretty.

[Rollerderby]

I can see your advice, cain, being useful for someone who is naive to the ways of the world, and the ways of the penis luring vagina. I've lived my life a little bit, and am not under any pretenses, of how the male brain works. However, I don't think every single guy is a scumbag. It's not realistic for me to not socialize with guys on a purely romantic level. I can see this advice being useful for different posts on here about girls who keep in touch with exes, or want to be friends with guys who have expressed their interest at some point.

I was being realistic in admitting that I know a few guys (one for example from college) who has liked me for a while. I've always seen him as a friend and have never tried to lead him on. I know it's probably not a friendship that will last my whole lifetime. These are not the cases I'm talking about.

I get what you're saying NBT about how guys may care selfishly, and you're right, I can see how that may apply in certain cases. One of my really good guy friends, however, gave me some of the best advice I needed when I was trying to get over another guy. It was straight up no bullshit, advice that was impartial.

I think that as a general rule, Cain may be right, as we get older it's harder to have platonic gender mixed relationships. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

Anyone new care to weigh in?

[NBT]

*wonders why it has to be someone new instead of us*

This guy friend, who gave you the good advice, does he like you? (as more?)

If so, why don't you like HIM? Why do you seem to like the kind of guys who HE has to WARN you about, instead of him?

Just curious of course

[Sonrisa]

*wonders why it has to be someone new instead of us*

attention whore, that's why, it's never enough.

[Rollerderby]

*wonders why it has to be someone new instead of us*

This guy friend, who gave you the good advice, does he like you? (as more?)

If so, why don't you like HIM? Why do you seem to like the kind of guys who HE has to WARN you about, instead of him?

Just curious of course

No. That's my point. We would swap advice, he would ask me about girls he dated.

I asked if anyone else wanted to weigh in, not because your advice isn't valid, but also because I want to hear what a lot of people think, not just two or three.

[NBT]

No. That's my point. We would swap advice, he would ask me about girls he dated.

I asked if anyone else wanted to weigh in, not because your advice isn't valid, but also because I want to hear what a lot of people think, not just two or three.

Exactly, dear. And that's MY point. He was ABLE to give you unbiased advice BECAUSE he's not into you (or trying to bang you). Cain and I were speaking about the men who DO see you as more than just platonic.

[Rollerderby]

^^^ I understand that, that was the point of this thread. In some of your, but mostly Cain's replies it sounded as if this were an impossibility, and I know many people of both genders who are uncomfortable with their SO having dif gender friendships. I understand why people feel this way, but not every case is a worrisome prospect.

I just wanted to know as a consensus how threatened guys felt about girls having platonic male friends, that are in fact platonic with no pretense. Even my male friends admit that when they are interested in a girl and she has male friends they become suspicious.

The reason why I'm asking this is what is the best way to make a new love interest feel secure about you being "one of the guys" with different guys?

[Peter Pry]

I think that as a general rule, Cain may be right, as we get older it's harder to have platonic gender mixed relationships. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

Anyone new care to weigh in?

Completely disagree. In my experience, platonic relationships get easier with age. YMMV.

Try applying this argument to a bisexual person who is attracted to people of both genders. Is such a person to be forbidden from ever forming friendships?

It is not the former, present, or future attraction between a person and her friends that is the issue. Your attractions are part of who you are. If a lover cannot appreciate that, he does not deserve to be your lover. If they make a lover uncomfortable in some way, then perhaps that is not the lover for you. Find someone who is deeply compatible with you. All of you.

As soon as you start condemning someone's state of mind (you are attracted to X, you were attracted to Y, and Z showed interest in you) you start down the road of jealousy, because you will nurture a desire to control that person and her thoughts. The relationship changes from loving to domineering. That state of mind is only half the story--- you are ignoring self-control. I don't care who my lovers are attracted to, so long as by their ACTIONS they break no promises, and I expect the same respect in return.

[Rollerderby]

Completely disagree. In my experience, platonic relationships get easier with age. YMMV.

Try applying this argument to a bisexual person who is attracted to people of both genders. Is such a person to be forbidden from ever forming friendships?

It is not the former, present, or future attraction between a person and her friends that is the issue. Your attractions are part of who you are. If a lover cannot appreciate that, he does not deserve to be your lover. If they make a lover uncomfortable in some way, then perhaps that is not the lover for you. Find someone who is deeply compatible with you. All of you.

As soon as you start condemning someone's state of mind (you are attracted to X, you were attracted to Y, and Z showed interest in you) you start down the road of jealousy, because you will nurture a desire to control that person and her thoughts. The relationship changes from loving to domineering. That state of mind is only half the story--- you are ignoring self-control. I don't care who my lovers are attracted to, so long as by their ACTIONS they break no promises, and I expect the same respect in return.

This is so refreshing to hear, thank you for your response, yes I am speaking from a place of self-control and maturity. And you're right, if someone is insecure about who I'm friends with, it's their problem, not mine.

[NBT]

The reason why I'm asking this is what is the best way to make a new love interest feel secure about you being "one of the guys" with different guys?

Introduce them, tell your guy that you are COMPLETELY REPULSED by your friend, hang out together sometime, ALWAYS answer your phone.

Those are some ways to LESSEN a man's suspicions, but I don't think ANYTHING (other than COMPLETE TRUST in you) will ELIMINATE his concerns.