Am I just being unreasonable?

[doppelgaenger]

Lol, I would have kicked her out a looooooooooong time ago.

[Cain]

Ah.. but she (eventhough she is now with you) can contact her ex?

Double standards.

That's one of my issues.

I'm going to wait it out until after this apartment thing is handled in July and then see what happens.

I'm not telling you to break up. I am telling you to open your eyes and see what's going on.

My eyes are open. What are you expecting me to discover?

[Yggdrasil]

Lol, I would have kicked her out a looooooooooong time ago.

I even wouldn't have let her in.. but that's besides the point.

She's using him.. if he can't see that, it's his problem.

[Yggdrasil]

My eyes are open. What are you expecting me to discover?

That you are being used.

[Cain]

Lol, I would have kicked her out a looooooooooong time ago.

It almost got to that point last night. I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. She got mad at me last night and talked to her mom while I was talking to her brother (we had this fight in her car at her parent's house) and her brother and mother agreed with me.

Oh well. I'm not worried about the contact with the ex right now since they have the apartment. What I don't want to happen is them being friendly with each other when they have no connections.

[Cain]

That you are being used.

lol, really?

Trust me. If she wanted affection she could have gotten it from her ex or a few of the others guys she knows.

[Yggdrasil]

lol, really?

Trust me. If she wanted affection she could have gotten it from her ex or a few of the others guys she knows.

You seem like a reasonable and fairly intelligent person to me. I have a hard time understanding how you can be so blind for what's going on. Well... time will tell you. I can't see this last. Then again, I have been wrong before.

[vashti]

I told the girl I was taken. And since the girl now knew I was taken, my gf decided that meant that she should now stop contacting me.

EDIT: And, no, that's the only ex that I know she still contacts. But they have conversations that have shit to do with an apartment. That's what irritates me. The conversations should be once every week or two at most and shouldn't be very long at all. He texts her nearly every day.

Don't make this a big drama. Just tell her you will cut contact with all the girls when she cuts contact with all the boys.

[Cain]

You seem like a reasonable and fairly intelligent person to me. I have a hard time understanding how you can be so blind for what's going on. Well... time will tell you. I can't see this last. Then again, I have been wrong before.

I'm young. I've learned never to say something is going to last forever. But I think I know her and the situation a little more than you do. When we got together she was living in the apartment by herself. That doesn't mean that she never hung out with anyone and was suffering from loneliness. He moved out and she had the apartment... so she isn't; using me for a place to live. She still pays her rent at the apartment that she isn't living at.

How about you just tell me how you think she's using me so I know where to start?

[Cain]

Don't make this a big drama. Just tell her you will cut contact with all the girls when she cuts contact with all the boys.

I told her last night that I don't care if she contacts the ex anymore, but I never want to hear "I don't want you talking to her anymore."

The double standard is my biggest problem here. I'm not even worried about her cheating. Even if she did then that would be her mistake. Plenty of women out there.

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't put up with that shit, Cain. It's one thing to take care of business. It's quite another to "hang out".

[Yggdrasil]

How about you just tell me how you think she's using me so I know where to start?

OK.. This is what I see from the little info you have provided:

Her ex and her broke up. They are right now 'working out' arrangements for bills and an appartment they lived together in.

How long does it take to work out such arrangements? One, maybe two communications. Three at worst. Reality: they're communicating pretty much every day. About what?

Next: does this gall have a problem setting boundaries? Seems to me she has.

Further: what's this bullshit about double standards? She can and you can't?

And finally, why is she living in with you? She has (had) her own appartment.

To me it seems (and i could be wrong of course) that you are being used by her to get over her ex, to fill an emotional void she has.

Those are all pretty big red flags if you ask me.

It's up to you how to read them.

[Cain]

I wouldn't put up with that shit, Cain. It's one thing to take care of business. It's quite another to "hang out".

I talked to her about it. She's promised me that they won't be hanging out. He's going to fix her car since he dented it, he's going to help clean the apartment and move things out, and then that's it. If she breaks that promise and hangs out with him anyways then I'm going to go ahead and end the relationship.

[Yggdrasil]

I talked to her about it. She's promised me that they won't be hanging out. He's going to fix her car since he dented it, he's going to help clean the apartment and move things out, and then that's it. If she breaks that promise and hangs out with him anyways then I'm going to go ahead and end the relationship.

Yeah I think that's a good boundary. Good luck bud.

[Cain]

OK.. This is what I see from the little info you have provided:

Her ex and her broke up. They are right now 'working out' arrangements for bills and an appartment they lived together in.

How long does it take to work out such arrangements? One, maybe two communications. Three at worst. Reality: they're communicating pretty much every day. About what?

I agree that contact shouldn't be anything more than once per week. I think that right now that is reasonable since they are working on moving things out and they need to pay bills and get things cleaned up and moved. Her problem is that she wants to be civil. She doesn't call or text him unless she has a reason, but if he calls or texts her then she feels the need to be civil and talk about whatever.

Next: does this gall have a problem setting boundaries? Seems to me she has.

She has yet to do anything outside of the phone or text and she's never said anything that would make me feel uneasy in her texts except for the hanging out part... which we've talked about and she said won't happen.

Further: what's this bullshit about double standards? She can and you can't?

This is another thing I've talked to her about and she seems to be understanding where I'm coming from. If it continues then I'll react.

And finally, why is she living in with you? She has (had) her own appartment.

To me it seems (and i could be wrong of course) that you are being used by her to get over her ex, to fill an emotional void she has.

She's staying with me because we enjoy spending time with each other. We are both busy during the day with work and school and so we were only able to really spend time together at night and so she started spending the night. She has some clothes here, but everything else is still in her apartment.

Those are all pretty big red flags if you ask me.

It's up to you how to read them.

I don't think that she's using me to fill some void. I'm not a rebound. She has dated a few people after him already and they broke up in December, four months before we got together. Was she completely over him when we got together? Maybe not. She says she doesn't love him and doesn't want to ever be with him. I know that I've been able to have a relationship with someone after I ended a long-term relationship after only four months and things were fine.