Pregnant by ex bf & don't know what to do

[chloe80]

I wonder how 'accidental' was the pregnancy. Accidents like these don't usually happen.

I assure you I didn't get pregnant on purpose and wasn't looking to get pregnant. I finished my master's degree and am doing my practicum right now with my exam to become licensed in October. Being pregnant through this is not something I wanted. I even was on Yaz birth control but had been taking some cold medicine during the time also so I know it's effectiveness was lessened.

Were you saying he may have finished inside of me in hopes of getting me back so I would get back with him?

[Yggdrasil]

chloe80,

Priority check:

this isn't about him, this is about you and your baby.

Now please go sit down and ponder what's important for you and your child.

[Mish]

Were you saying he may have finished inside of me in hopes of getting me back so I would get back with him?

That's a possibility. Though, it was your responsibility to make sure he was wearing protection. Things like that don't usually slip a person's mind, I say that from experience. The only times women were interested in unprotected sex with me was when they had an interest of starting a family with me or were open to possibility of an accident so we could then take things further.

[chloe80]

That's a possibility. Though, it was your responsibility to make sure he was wearing protection. Things like that don't usually slip a person's mind, I say that from experience. The only times women were interested in unprotected sex with me was when they had an interest of starting a family with me or were open to possibility of an accident so we could then take things further.

I understand where you are coming from. However, I've never liked the feeling of a condom inside me. I prefer sex without one and know that is not wise. I am now pregnant partially because of that preference.

[chloe80]

Alcohol?

What do you want to do chloe, with the baby and all?

Yes, the ex and I would had numerous arguments and quite a few of them took place while we were drinking.

I have never believed in abortion and don't know that I could live with myself if I put the baby up for adoption. I know that is a great option for some people but it would bother me so much knowing I gave my baby away and always wondering where they were and how they were doing. I intend to keep the baby & fortunately have the financial means to do so without financial support from a guy.

[bluesummer]

Chloe, just because a man is a father biologically doesn't mean he's cut out to be a father emotionally.

Avoid a relationship with him. It wasn't healthy BEFORE you got pregnant, and it's not going to change because you're having a baby (like sooooo many women seem to think).

My parents had a shitty marriage, and they only got married because my mom got pregnant. To this day I still wish they'd have divorced earlier or just never married at all. Bad relationships are poor atmospheres for children.

[katerina84]

stay with the new guy..if you really love him (i know its gng to be hard) but try to tell him the truth. if he really does love you he will find it in his heart to forgive you n maybe give u another chance. if not, then u knw its not meant to be..otherwise this thing will haunt you the rest of ur life if ur not honest..

[chloe80]

Last night the ex proposed to me and I accepted. We haven't set a date but will get married in a small ceremony before I have the baby. I know it's not what most of you said I should do but my heart tells me that is the right thing to do. He is treating me so much better than before & wants to be a part of our child's life. If we can make this work I feel like it is what is best for me & the baby.

[lesa]

Well look on the bright side, attraction is one of the necessities of a healthy long term relationship. It seems you guys have that since you two were sexing each other but was not in a relationship. Now you need to work on trust, communication, and respect. It can be done. You are slowly turning a dramatic affair into something more responsible and that's a good thing.

[chloe80]

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't tell the whole truth with my story. I am indeed pregnant and was dating a great guy that I was having sex with while also sleeping with my ex at the same time. I didn't just sleep with the ex once, I was sleeping with him about once a week. As you all know I'm engaged to the guy that was originally my ex-bf. About a week & a half ago I was talking to the guy I was dating at the time because him mom had a treatment for cancer & I wanted to see how he & her were doing. I do genuinely care about him. In our conversation I casually mentioned that my due date is December 2nd. I didn't think much about it. Well he put two and two together & figured out that my pregnancy isn't the result of my sleeping with the ex once before the new guy & I started sleeping together. With my due date, he figured out my conception was around Mar 11-12 give or take a couple days. The new guy correctly says he & I had sex Mar 7, 8, and 12. However, he never ejaculated in me & my ex did. The new guy now wants me to have a paternity test after the baby is born. What are the chances this is his baby if he never finished inside of me? My life has been such turmoil the past few months & will be horrible for the next five months if this comes out that it could be his baby. I told the ex, my family & all my friends that this couldn't be the new guy's baby bc he & I never slept together. What are the odds this is his baby?

[CAM]

If you haven't told the ex-, then maybe you just run the whole thing by the new guy, have the baby, and (assuming new guy doesn't care that his genetic material is obviously of no value to you), then have him listed as the "father" on the birth certificate. Live happily ever after knowing that the new guy is an agreeable putz who will always love you and take care of your son/daughter.

[CAM]

Don't worry, new guy will compromise on this...at his age (and I know from where I speak), he's running out of nice 29 year old women to marry.

Just have a good life with him and your child and raise the kid well...that's your penance...to actually be a responsible parent. Hopefully, it is a rewarding penance for all concerned.

[chloe80]

Cam,

I think you may have the guys backwards in my story. I am back with my ex, engaged to him. He has NO IDEA that the baby could be someone else's and will be irate if he finds out. He could be irate enough to leave me and I have no idea what my parents will do. The guy I was in a relationship at the time is the one that wants me to have the paternity test, in fact he is even considering filing a paternity case against me in court. If he does that I will be so stressed out that it will be obvious to those around me that something is bad wrong. I don't know what to do. Timeline wise this could be either guy's baby but I feel like it has to be the ex's (the guy I'm now engaged to) bc he is the only one that ever finished in me. If the guy I was in a relationship with goes through with this paternity test paperwork things could get very ugly for me.

[Henry123]

I assure you I didn't get pregnant on purpose and wasn't looking to get pregnant. I finished my master's degree and am doing my practicum right now with my exam to become licensed in October. Being pregnant through this is not something I wanted. I even was on Yaz birth control but had been taking some cold medicine during the time also so I know it's effectiveness was lessened.

But no condom was (also) use?

[chloe80]

But no condom was (also) use?

That is correct Henry. Neither guy used a condom when they had sex with me.