Relationships and Mental Disorders

[CocoChanel]

Me and my man are going through something like this except I am the one with the issues not him. A lot of trauma, and such. I'm still trying to figure all of this stuff out. Good luck man. I hope you and your girlfriend get better.

[nardAJC]

To start it off I have anxiety and major depression. I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now and it has had its ups and downs, sometimes in a single day. She has PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) from being raped 3 months before we started talking. The combination of these isn't very good for a couple but we are to far in love to break it off. When I am out of town and she is at a party where there is drinking, even though I know she is safe because of the friends she is with, my anxiety is through the roof. Combined with the depression I get angry and don't think through what I say. I have said on a couple of occasions things I did not mean. It hurts her when I should only be supportive and a good boyfriend. She also has countless breakdowns where she calls me crying or has panic attacks because of dreams, words, places. It is hard to deal with them sometimes because she doesn't tell me until after they happen.



I don't know what I am looking for here, but give advice on how we should handle ourselves. I'm tired of hurting her when I don't mean to, and I get frustrated when she doesn't help calm me/tell me what is wrong with her. Anything is helpful

Is it possible to tell me if you are on any medications for the anxiety and depressive problems?

[candle23]

Is it possible to tell me if you are on any medications for the anxiety and depressive problems?

I know you didn't ask me, but I'm on meds for clinical depression. Is there anything you want to know about the medication?

[nardAJC]

I know you didn't ask me, but I'm on meds for clinical depression. Is there anything you want to know about the medication?

yeah, does it help!?

[nardAJC]

I know you didn't ask me, but I'm on meds for clinical depression. Is there anything you want to know about the medication?

Also, in the past, possible past relationships/experiences, do you always come 'clean' about having depression with a partner/prospective partner....

I have depression myself.....

[Yggdrasil]

Pills don't work.

All they do is prohibit the firing of certain neuro transmitters, thus covering up the symptoms.

Meds don't take care of the actual problem.

Of course it's easier to push pills as to go through 2 years of active counseling, therapy and workshops.

[nardAJC]

Pills don't work.

All they do is prohibit the firing of certain neuro transmitters, thus covering up the symptoms.

Meds don't take care of the actual problem.

Of course it's easier to push pills as to go through 2 years of active counseling, therapy and workshops.

You feel this applies to all psychiatric disorders, or just depression, social anxiety etc?

[Yggdrasil]

You feel this applies to all psychiatric disorders, or just depression, social anxiety etc?

What are we talking about in this thread?

[Aeradalia]

Pills don't work.

All they do is prohibit the firing of certain neuro transmitters, thus covering up the symptoms.

Meds don't take care of the actual problem.

Of course it's easier to push pills as to go through 2 years of active counseling, therapy and workshops.

If used properly in a well designed and executed therapeutic approach... pills are intended to alleviate enough tension in the mind so that the patient can learn how to overcome their problems.

Somewhere along the lines, the medications were given more importance than the counseling.

Fluoxetine didn't help me to minimize the anxiety I felt... it just calmed me enough to where I faced my fears over and over again so I could learn.

[God Eros]

Are you seeing any therapist or counselor at the moment? You should get a referal for one if your not.

You might want to inquire about Cognitive Therapy for your anxiety. It can help alot.

The rape was quite recent. So I think you need to let her cope in her own way for awhile. I hope she is getting good treatment for it. (Keep a eye on her)
Talk to her parents if you must; make sure they keep an eye on her too.

You both might also want to consider group or couple conseling. But first make sure both of your personal issues are being adressed. I think both of you need some sort of treatment but for different things.


Another alternative therapy that may work is with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Therapy) or with Milton Erickson hypnotherapy by a qualify professional.
If you feel conventional psycho therapy isnt working well enough.

I think its quite possible your anger may be causing her to have flash backs????? There are certain "triggers"/ "anchors" that can cause her to freak out or react in certain ways. Just be aware of them so you dont trigger them.

Thanks for the advice and yes I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. The medicine did lead me to attempt suicide (Saved by my girlfriend) but that was a lone case and dropped the medicine the next day. I have talked her into talking to her parents about it and she is going to her first therapy session the 6th. I will look into the other treatments you said.

Sheesh, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear you both are going through so rough stuff. I think it needs to be important for you both to work on how you communicate. You need to be complete partners to help each other and yourself. You both need to realize that if you are having a fight that chances are it is a result from the bullshit that you are both going through.

Try not to argue. It may seem hard, but think through it. Talk to each other, support each other and give each other what you need when you need it. (Whether it be space or whatnot.)

This is the ideal way a relationship should work anyway, but you guys need to go easy on each other. It can be hard but try to keep reminding yourself that the other is not the enemy. It's just tough when you are both dealing with stuff and also trying to be in a relationship.

I agree with this, and will be avoiding fights big or little now. I like the bolded part.

For some reason I feel a little sympathy for you.. mainly because my past girlfriend was also raped.. and she's in highschool... thing is.. I looked past that and grown to love her, but the typical highschool girl is in puppy dovey lovey and broke up with me and said "i was too good for her"

I feel an aura from you.. and angry one.. I'm certain you're pissed about the rape incident... cause if i could.. i'd still kick the shit out of the guy who raped my ex.

thing is bro, you're different, sounds like she really loves you.. try to understand the rape isn't entirely her fault although she coulda defended herself in someway? <-- not sure of the situation...

Look at this.. you two need to stay a couple nights together and talk through things untill you fall asleep on each other.. give each other reasons to be together...

The bolded part is true and the part about being angry over the rape isn't true. I get angry on how she deals with things and how she acts around other people. To clarify after I she told me she was raped I automatically became protective. So I don't like it when it is her a few girls but mostly guys hanging out without me (not sure if this is insecurities or what) and one fight we had was when we were playing beer pong and to distract the other team (all guys) she turns around and shakes her ass at them. I told her to quit being a whore (Trigger) and that led to a fight.

honestly i don't think she should be seeing anyone right now and should be focusing on getting better, no offense. you should be with someone that makes you happy. are you happy having to cope with this so early on? i think you may have shining knight syndrome. look the thread up. you should break up mutually if possible and maybe get back together when she has dealt with what happend

I didn't take offense to it, I agree with what you said and it is possible with the Knight in Shining armor syndrome. I would just rather stay together if at all possible.

now consider this statment before and after you read my following comment: i am a complete stanger and ultimately my opinion doesn't matter to you:

i don't believe in social axiety disorder unless based on a previous trauma. people are shy and people start to believe they are nothing and believe others are judging them when infact they are not (others are too busy judging themselves). anxiety disorder is another way for the pharma industry to dole out pills to shy people. these pills ironically have a side effect of depression

I was naturally shy as a child and when I became more outgoing and charismatic, I still had deep feelings of insecurities. You can't say a mental disorder doesn't exist unless you actually suffer from it. And the difference between a mental disorder and being shy is that one effects the way you live your life.

I think people owe it to their potential partners to bring an emotionally-healthy self to the table. If one isn't in a position to do this, then it is best to address their problems before getting involved with anyone else.

Also, for Henry - FYI - the reason suicide is a risk with antidepressants is NOT because they make you feel worse, but because seriously depressed people lack the energy to plan and carry out suicide. The medication makes them feel well enough to carry through with it.

We were generally speaking 100% when we first started dating. But as time went on and things got more stressful in our outside lives we started dropping. That is why I feel we should stay together and help each other.

Vashti is right. There is little hope for a relationship if there are two people with unhealthy emotions. The rape was VERY recent and that is not something to be taken lightly.

I wish the both for you both!

Thank you and I hope it works out even though we are emotionally unhealthy despite what you say.

RAINN

Have her look at this site... alone if she requires. It will answer all of her questions... and give her someone to talk to directly (anonymously) if she needs it.

Social anxiety is a bitch... still suffer from a touch of it now... but it was crippling throughout most of my life. I've been told that it's trauma induced as well. Fluoxetine didn't give me suicidal thoughts... but that may have more to do with the idea that I felt well enough to where I wanted to feel even better.

Vashti is right... the fewer problems you bring to the relationship to begin with... the better.

It's highly recommended that both of you seek out a therapist.

I have been to that site but the online chat isn't helpful because it is always busy. I will check into that medicine btw. As stated above we have therapists it is just finding time to go because we both work over 40 hour weeks.

Two unhealthy people can not have one healthy relation together.

All the rest is bullshit and totaly irrelevant to the OP.

Bottom line.

I hope we can figure something out.

[God Eros]

Is it possible to tell me if you are on any medications for the anxiety and depressive problems?

I was on Lexapro and it worked to a limit then I built up an immunity instead of going to a larger dose I just stopped.

If used properly in a well designed and executed therapeutic approach... pills are intended to alleviate enough tension in the mind so that the patient can learn how to overcome their problems.

Somewhere along the lines, the medications were given more importance than the counseling.

Fluoxetine didn't help me to minimize the anxiety I felt... it just calmed me enough to where I faced my fears over and over again so I could learn.

Ya this is true.

[IndiReloaded]

Also, for Henry - FYI - the reason suicide is a risk with antidepressants is NOT because they make you feel worse, but because seriously depressed people lack the energy to plan and carry out suicide. The medication makes them feel well enough to carry through with it.

Yep. The drugs help them care *just enough* to off themselves.

Drugs + therapy/support >>> drugs alone.

[Henry123]

I think right now she wants someone who she can lean on for emotional support. Maybe she is too overwhelm at times and cant come up with the words to say or unable to speak (like with panic disorders).
I also feel she needs to have some sense of control. And probably better to let her talk when she is ready to speak about her traumatic experience.
Just to note. Every time she tells you wants wrong she is re living the events that happen to her at the moment. You just have to be careful not to set off any of her triggers/anchors.

[Yggdrasil]

If used properly in a well designed and executed therapeutic approach... pills are intended to alleviate enough tension in the mind so that the patient can learn how to overcome their problems.

Somewhere along the lines, the medications were given more importance than the counseling.

Fluoxetine didn't help me to minimize the anxiety I felt... it just calmed me enough to where I faced my fears over and over again so I could learn.

My point exactly.

Unfortunately to many therapists and patients rely solely on the meds. That's never going to work.

I don't endorse pill pushers.

[Yggdrasil]

Also, for Henry - FYI - the reason suicide is a risk with antidepressants is NOT because they make you feel worse, but because seriously depressed people lack the energy to plan and carry out suicide. The medication makes them feel well enough to carry through with it.

Entirely and totaly correct

(OMFG vashti and I agree on something)......