About to be dumped?!? What to do?

[dbrckovi]

Hi again.

I'd like to say another thanks for all your advices. They worked like a charm. In the begginng it was hard to let her go, but as the time was passing, each day was easier than the day before.

I guess that knowing the facts that there are many fish in the sea and that if she is the right one, she'll come back, helped me the most.

Yesterday I was out with my friends and I met 3 girls. I knew one of them for several years already, so she was the one who introduced me to the other two. I don't know what it was in me yesterday but it certainly wasnt the "old" me. I talked to those girls for almost 3 hours, making them laugh, saying how interesting they are and similar stuff. I was completely honest and I said everything that came to my mind.
I can't belive I didn't freeze like I allways tend to freeze when I talk to a girl I never saw before.

Anyway, at one point I approached one of the girls and gave her a massage. She was surprised but she didn't refuse. For the next several hours I was brushung her hair, massaging her, trying to make her feel warmer when she said she was cold etc., and now I think I'm in 7th heaven. All the time I was giving her a massage we were talking, and we never had a single moment of uncomfortable scilence. I still can't belive how natural and right it felt talking to her.
I didn't kiss her or anything becouse I didn't even feel the need for it. But when she was leaving I said I'd like to see her again some time soon and she said "We'll see!", but smiling and giving me an eye blink.
Even now it seems like I was dreaming. It was one of the best experiences I had. I'm not saying I'm suddenly in love with her, but I finnaly forgot about my ex.
Everything about her feels so right. I didn't notice any red flag like I noticed the first day I was with my ex.

I'm still trying to understand what it was in me yesterday. Maybe it's the influence of that full moon or something. :-)

However. This was the first time I made the first move to a girl I like, and it feels great.

Thank you all for helping me stand for my self. If I didn't have those advices I'd probably keep on crawling after my ex, and loose my self-respect and self-confidence.
When I think about the past month of desparation and pain, I'm not sorry for anything I've done or for anything she did to me. It was a bad experience from which I obviously learned very much.

[blue]

im am so happy for you and all your new found glory! we learn from all the things we do and all the things that happen. you learned from this and that is so important, now you have an idea of what you want and where you would like to go. congrats take care and take things slow.

[Rach]

If, after all I have said and done for her, she won't be able to come back then it's better for us to be apart. I know this kind of honesty would work on me, but time will tell if she'll ever understand what I was saying, and what I'm willing to offer.

If she knows you're willing to wait forever to see if she changes her mind, she'll allow you to keep waiting and thinking and wondering.

Until she clears her conscious too, I won't have anything intimate with her.

Are you saying you will indeed take her back if she "clears her conscious"?!
It was only a 2 month relationship, correct? It seems like your scared to be alone and still trying to hold on to her, even if she plays with your emotions.

Thanks but I won't cut all contact becouse I know how hard it is for someone to ignore me.
I just won't do that to her. That week when she was on a vacation, I was in hell just becouse I didn't know what's going on. If she told me what was going on immediately
I'd be crushed but at least I'd know what I should think and in which direction I should go.

By not cutting most contact with her, it's going to show her you still care and she's going to continue to confues you with all of her unknown emotions.

I won't initiate anything but I will briefly answer her calls and messages (maybe with one or two hours delay just to make her worry), if for nothing else then to show that I'm still alive.

Again, going to show her you still care. If that's what your going for fine. But that contradicts some of the things you have said then. Either you agree to be friends, or lovers, or not talk at all. There is rarely a happy medium between those.
To me it seems you're trying to get her thinking, and wanting you. If she knows you'll continue to answer her and talk to her whether she thinks about another guy or not, she'll be thinking about other guys. It seems you're just going to let her walk all over you and still continue to be nice, and talk to her upon her request.


And as for your other posts and saying you blame yourself, there is no way any of that could have been your fault other than saying you're not together yet still talking and answering her.

[dbrckovi]

Hi! Thanks again!

I saw your post yesterday, but I didn't want to answer thinking you are wrong, but
today I finnaly realised all you have been trying to tell me. I was just too blind to
see and understand it.

In the past few weeks everything was fine. I met few girls, my ex was silent, desparation was over, and I thought I finnaly got over her.
She sent me few messages, I answered to some of them and that was it.
But few days ago she asked me to lend her a CD and when I said "no problem", she
"buried" me with messages saying "Thanks, you're my sunshine, darling, Angel etc."
Again, I was pissed off by this but I thought I won't argue over the phone so I agreed we'll meet today.
At first I was planning to ask her what was the meaning of that and get angry with her again, but as the time was passing I figured maybe she's trying to get back together with me but doesn't know how to approach me. So today I went, if nothing else, to see what will happen.

When I got there, she was with her (female) friend, and through a half an hour we were there, she barelly talked to me. I was mostly talking to her friend, and when I tried to start a conversation with my ex, she responded quickly and continued to talk to her friend. She was saying her about some parties she was on, about some guys she met at work, about some "construction worker" she knows, etc.
I tried to remain cool and uninterested on all of this, and when I drank that coffe I stood up and left, saying "I have to go!". She asked me if we'll go to another coffe, but I didn't answer.

Last time I promissed myself I won't let her make fool of me, but on the other hand
I thought maybe she's also desparate, feeling guilty and embareesed, so I didn't want to throw it to her face. I thought her conscious is her worst punishment.
I was obviously wrong.
From the time everything started, I visited dozens of forums, talked to many people and everywhere I looked everyone was saying to cut all contact with her.
I thought she's different than the rest of the girls which did the same thing, but I was wrong.
Everywhere I looked, everyone was saying: "More you'll give to her, she'll respect you less!"
I didn't want to accept this, but now I finally see it's all true.

I'm not affraid I'll stay alone. I don't know how this came all of a sudden but three girls asked me out since we broke up, but I refused. I didn't want to hurt any of them by realising I'm still in love with my ex, and breaking up with them.
This proved to me that I won't stay alone.
I just have to change my attitude towards the girls I'm attracted to.
I only have to act naturaly without thinking what will they think of me if I do some mistake, and it resulted in three girls wanting to see me again. Simple, but it took me 22 years to realise that.

I did try to blame myself for what happened, becouse I thought she'll feel better if she wouldn't have to carry all the weight. I thought she'll finally see that I'm tolerant and good guy, and that eventualy she'll come back, but I was obviously burrying my self even deeper.

Now I'm not desperate or sad at all. I'm just angry with myself for letting her walk over me.
Another reason I'm angry is becouse I didn't say anything to her today. I planned to,but when I saw she's not alone, I didn't wan't to say anything in front of her friend.

Anyway. I'm buying a new cell phone soon and I won't give her my new number. This way I'll be sure I won't respond in one of those "nostalgic" moments.


All this time I can't understand one thing.
How and why did I let myself fall in love in soch a short time?

[dbrckovi]

And another thing, I don't understand.

Maybe some girl might answer this the best.

Why is she calling me, sending messages, saying all those nice things if she's not interested in being with me anymore?
Is she trying to hurt me on purpose?
Does she only want to be friends, and thinks that souch things wont bother me?
Or is there some other reason?

I still care about her, but why can't she understand I'm not a toy she can play with when she's in the mood, and throw me away when she is not?

I still don't want to fight with her. And I don't want to end my relationship (in which ever state it is now) with her, but is Me, getting completely angry with her, the only sollution?

All I want from her is to decide. We'll either be together, or we won't.
I can accept being only friends but, then I don't want her to call me "Darling".
I told her this several times before, and once even got angry with her, but she just can't understand.