23 and nothing.

[BoredGeorge]

Hey all, new to the forum so hopefully I'm not stepping on any toes with this as the first post.

Title says it all. No female friends, no girlfriends, no friends in general really. I believe I'm either heavily introverted or have SAD. Maybe both, maybe neither, whatever the case.

The depression from the loneliness is making me a bigger recluse every day...

In my eyes it's a viscous circle with very deep ruts that I can't get out of.

Being an only child(plus a couple of bad experiences) is why I think i've never been good at even making friends. Plus the mental stigma of being a virgin holds me back also.

Spent all night sitting here feeling bad/sorry for myself, but it's been 23 years and now it sucks. Being lonely bothers me 100x's more than being a virgin, just to clarify, this isn't a 'how do I get laid' thread.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm asking something, or if this is just to make me feel better having said it.

If you have an opinion/advice to post, please do. If you're just going to post the typical universal "dont be so shy, be yourself" shit go away please. If that actually worked, trust me I wouldn't be here. I know there isn't a straight answer for my problems(aside from the obvious GO OUT AND MEET A GIRL, which is where the circle begins), but I know that sometimes something as simple as another perspective can be very insightful and helpful.

I know how you feel... people are such idiots the actually the think that telling a sad person to be positive will be helpful its like with me, girls hate me because I am ugly and they tell me that if I am positive girls will like me. Don't listen to people, people are stupid.

I think if you have no friends you must be doing bad things for no one to like you or you are very boring.

I don't have many friends but how I managed to make friends was because of good luck. I found myself in a situation surrouned by people and if that doesn't happen for you it will be hard.

Anyway I made one or two good friends and then became friends with most of their friends. Mostly because of the game of poker.

I don't know if you are boy or girl so it is hard to advise. For boys join sport.. or get a second job where you'll meet ppl, like retail, maybe not restaurant or bar b.c most of the people there will be stuck up and MEAN.

Okay I see you are a boy... maybe join a local sporting team or something.

World of Warcraft helped me when I had no friends. Maybe you could play that ? It will make you feel better.

[jenniferx]

If you want to get girls DO NOT play World of Warcraft

[MVPlaya]

I did not mean any of that as if all women that go to gyms are skanks. I meant that a women who is simply attracted to a mans muscle, and will pursue him for that sole reason, is generally a skank. Which is how I'm interpreting it when people say "go to the gym" to build your physical appearance...to then pick up these kind of women.

Sounds great, but I know these women aren't on the same field as me.

Your interpretation of the advice and reality are still off base. Putting effort into your appearance signifies that you take care of yourself and shows status. Women like guys who have something going for them, and being in shape signifies that. I'm a gym rat, I work out 1.5 hours / day, 5 days a week, I'm 6'2 210. The women who are attracted to me are frequently trying to build relationships or interested in things deeper than just sex. Being muscular doesn't mean you're sending a signal out to the world for sluts, or that women who like guys with muscles are sluts.

Your statement at the end is so redundant its tautological: "pursue him for that sole reason." Men who pursue women solely for their looks want sex, but that doesn't mean that women making themselves prettier means they are just going to get guys who want to **** them all the time. It means they become more attractive and now have more options from a wider pool of guys, many of whom might previously not have been attracted but now would be open to the concept of a relationship. Putting effort into your appearance gives you more options.

[2KXJ]

I won't argue with you, I guess I just cant word it the way I want.

Real long story short, am I depressed because I'm alone? Or am I alone because I'm depressed?

After a little reading it seems a depressive disorder called 'anhedonia', has made full rounds on me.

From what I understand people are saying just improve your life, and life will improve itself basically.

Is it wrong for me to feel there is something that I actually need to figure out? To me it would feel like getting 'buff' would just turn me into a buff loser. Having bigger arms won't change my mental outlook, this isn't a physical thing. I do believe the gym, the women that would bring and all that would create positive changes, but it does nothing for my mind. I want to know that IF there is something wrong or out-of-place in my mind, this shit won't creep up on me later on in life.

Now raises the point of am I over thinking this right now like I usually do? I think to myself does that last paragraph have any actual meaning or am I ****ing nuts?

[jenniferx]

anhedonia ISNT a depressive disorder, its a symptom of depression. You might have dysthymia, which is associated with everyday feelings of mild chronic depression for more than two years. I thiiiink I read somewhere that it has a high co-morbidity with social anxiety. It could be major depression too, it could be a lot of things, there's only one way to find out. GET HELP. Honestly, I know so many people who have therapists, it doesnt mean your crazy. These people are normal, functioning people, who just have a couple issues stopping them from being as happy as they could be.

Yes, your last paragraph makes sense. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Look it up. Youre not crazy, just unhappy. Honestly, see a therapist, the longer you wait the worse the problem will get. You're young you can still mend your personality and negative thoughts. The gym wont hurt to try either. Whats the worst thatll happen? Youll get healthier? hmmmmmm??

[all alone]

I won't argue with you, I guess I just cant word it the way I want.

Real long story short, am I depressed because I'm alone? Or am I alone because I'm depressed?

After a little reading it seems a depressive disorder called 'anhedonia', has made full rounds on me.

From what I understand people are saying just improve your life, and life will improve itself basically.

Is it wrong for me to feel there is something that I actually need to figure out? To me it would feel like getting 'buff' would just turn me into a buff loser. Having bigger arms won't change my mental outlook, this isn't a physical thing. I do believe the gym, the women that would bring and all that would create positive changes, but it does nothing for my mind. I want to know that IF there is something wrong or out-of-place in my mind, this shit won't creep up on me later on in life.

Now raises the point of am I over thinking this right now like I usually do? I think to myself does that last paragraph have any actual meaning or am I ****ing nuts?

Well if the gym isn't for you, find something else for physical exercise. Go for a run, bike ride, roller blading wtv work. Exercise on a regular basis and it will help improve your mood. Its a medical fact as it helps release endorphins into ur brain (feel good chemicals).

As for your introvertedness/sad/depression however you want to tag it. Well some people are naturally introverts, but that doesnt mean its healthy. When you say you don't have a single female friend (mom doesn't count) that isn't 'normal'. Feeling depressed or down (however you wanna call it) is not normal either.

Whatever the reason, even if u just need to straighten out your thought process a little, like i said earlier, there are a lot of services to help you out. You don't need to a manic depressive or suicidal person to seek out professional advice. In fact its much more common then your probably realize (since from the sounds of it u dont have many ppl to compare to). Sounds like it could give you that mental nudge to get over your own mind.

[MVPlaya]

You're right that, by itself, just working out can turn you into a buff loser. By itself, just doing yoga makes you the odd guy in yoga class. All these things, by themselves, won't change anything for you.

But in conjunction with you striving to change yourself, and with the experiences that these activities offer for you, you can learn new things that improve your mental and physical state. A large benefit of the gym isn't just working out and getting buff but meeting people and getting new opportunities to develop as a person.

These activities are mentioned not because they are things to change about yourself, but because they are experiences that allow you to grow. Hopefully, in the process of performing these activities, you will link up with other people and gain new experiences that improve you as a person. Having a hobby or being talented will not change anything by themselves.

What are you doing for yourself to improve your situation?

[jamminjenkins]

2KXJ I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm the same age, and have been dealing with loneliness and depression for quite a long time. The difference is I have had friends and still have some at the moment but I don't hang out with them very often. I have a lot of regrets of past mistakes and a lot negative experiences in the past, which has led me to where I am now.

I've always been a bit of an introverted/shy person and that's caused a lot of problems for me. I'm still the same way to a certain degree, but being lonely now is less of a choice rather then a situation that I've placed myself in after years of making the wrong decisions.

I really don't know what advice to give you because I don't know what to do either. I understand when you say it's a vicious circle. You feel trapped like there's nothing you can do. Nobody to turn to, nobody to talk to, nowhere to go. It's very hard for a person who's never been truly alone to understand where your coming from. Going from "having no friends and no on to talk to" to "having a relationship" is pretty tough.

Going to the gym sounds like okay advice, but I don't know how much that's going to help you. Maybe you'll meet people, maybe you won't, but I find that trying to force myself into a situation where I don't want to be just makes me feel awkward.

When you say you "overthink" things, that sounds you have some OCD thing going on. I've dealt with that for a long, long time and still do but I've managed to control it over the years. I'm not sure if you have the exact same problem as me, but what I do when I tend to 'overthink' is not to fight it off or 'block' any thoughts out. Just accept everything that comes to your head and realize that it's completely normal. Eventually you'll stop overanalyzing things completely.

The more you try to analyze and fight off your thoughts, the worse it gets. Remember the brain is incredibly complex. Don't stress yourself out if you don't need to.

About being a virgin, I'm also a virgin and the best thing I can tell you is don't worry about it. Don't feel ashamed or insecure. Just accept it for what it is and move on. When the opportunity comes, it'll come - until then, there's no need to put unneeded pressure on yourself.

Anyway sorry I can't give you more advice. I really don't know what to do either. I know how it feels to be in a seemingly impossible situation. Joining some kind of social group sounds like the best idea but I couldn't tell you what.

[Only-virgins]

Hi
Just stop looking and start living. If you don't like the way you are how can you expect someone else to like you. Find something you like to do and be the best at it, women like the best of things !! Let your personal light shine and others will be drawn to it.
Take care
~Ron~

Over thought here. Women just want money.


oh and a big dick.

[Only-virgins]

Watch this video and listen to the last tip.

Also, you need to learn to make friends before you can get a girlfriend imo. It's like learning how to walk before you run.

Yea uh...not to call you a dumbass but I am pretty sure that video was MOCKING all that advice...mainly because all of that advice sucks...

Firstly. Work on ways to make yourself more physically attractive.. go to the gym, dress nicely, get a haircut, take care of yourself physically. This will increase your confidence, and more girls will find that attractive as well as you, which will help your confidence even more, and even more girls will find you attractive. Notice the trend?

Yea you just want more hot macho man guys to exist so you have a better shot.