She Makes it Worse by Being Nice

[Gigabitch]

Your next girlfriend is out there, somewhere, waiting to meet you. The sooner you get rid of this one, the sooner you'll meet her.

Good for you, man.

[starbuck]

Sounds like you know the score and are doing the right thing.

Keep posting on the forums! Especially if you thinking about getting back together with her. You can come here and remind yourself of all the things that weren't working.

[Grobyc82]

Co-dependency can be a bitch. It's something that cant be just corrected overnight. Well, my advice in this case would be to be co-dependent with someone else. Someone who at least seems to value and enjoy you as a boyfriend. I guess you could say a good relationship goes both ways, and she isn't worth the time of day. Glad to hear that you are taken some steps to move on.

[shheadz]

I haven't talked to her yet. I've learned over the past couple months that I'm a very impulsive person, and I act on decisions before thinking them through. This decision is pretty much made, but I still need a few days to put my thoughts in order. Right now I feel like really letting her have it. I want to tell her all the ways she really f*cked with my head, and destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. Honestly everything I could bitch at her about are things she's already aware of, and things that feed her insecurities. I care about her, and she doesn't deserve to be completely sh*t on, and I don't want to make her insecurities worse. So I need a few days to let those feelings pass so I can approach the situation properly.

[lahnnabell]

I haven't talked to her yet. I've learned over the past couple months that I'm a very impulsive person, and I act on decisions before thinking them through. This decision is pretty much made, but I still need a few days to put my thoughts in order. Right now I feel like really letting her have it. I want to tell her all the ways she really f*cked with my head, and destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. Honestly everything I could bitch at her about are things she's already aware of, and things that feed her insecurities. I care about her, and she doesn't deserve to be completely sh*t on, and I don't want to make her insecurities worse. So I need a few days to let those feelings pass so I can approach the situation properly.

I am very impressed.

[shheadz]

I'm not going to say anything right now, and I should at least get her a small xmas gift. I don't need to be a total d*ck. I'm moving to a different state in a month and a half, and it was going to be the end of things anyway. I want to enjoy myself between now and then, and leave on a positive note. She already knows where we stand with each other, so there's really nothing to say anyway. It'll just drag things out, and sour everything even more.

If her and I hang out before I leave, then that's fine. Spending a few fun evenings with a pretty girl isn't the worst thing that could happen to me. But I don't need her around anymore. I've started playing guitar again, started focusing on my work, and I'm gonna start working out again tomorrow. I've also started talking to another girl.. just talking. Nothing is gonna happen between us, but there was so much sexual tension in my relationship, that it feels good to just talk to a girl.

[cmacattack1]

I haven't talked to her yet. I've learned over the past couple months that I'm a very impulsive person, and I act on decisions before thinking them through. This decision is pretty much made, but I still need a few days to put my thoughts in order. Right now I feel like really letting her have it. I want to tell her all the ways she really f*cked with my head, and destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. Honestly everything I could bitch at her about are things she's already aware of, and things that feed her insecurities. I care about her, and she doesn't deserve to be completely sh*t on, and I don't want to make her insecurities worse. So I need a few days to let those feelings pass so I can approach the situation properly.

If I could count the times that my impulsivity really ****ed things up, man. Very adult and mature thing to do, considering she won't even know that you are doing this and you won't get any credit.

[whaywardj]

A broken heart is just a road sign that tells us which way to turn to acquire our next becoming. We can take that turn or not.

Like any other addiction, love hurts until the pain of having a bad one becomes greater than the fear of not having any at all.

Once that threshold is reached, fear vanishes and the threat of the unknown becomes, merely, a new adventure.

[shheadz]

I may be thinking this stuff as a way to mend my ego.. but here goes...

Looking back on things, I think she purposely sabotaged our relationship. She has very low self-esteem, and I don't think she can handle being in a relationship with someone that doesn't crap on her 24/7, and actually tries to communicate with her, and doesn't treat her like a sex object all the time (She had been with 14 guys before she was 20). It puts a lot of pressure on her because she has to live up to high standard. Our first real fight is when I told her I felt neglected in the relationship, and she said "I always ruin relationships.. We should just stop this now, cause I'll ruin it in the long run."

She really did tell me how much she loved me, even a week before shit went down hill. I know that's common.. I read about it here all the time. But I think she really meant it. I think she felt guilty for neglecting me in the relationship. She knew she was doing selfish things that pissed me off, and she knew I wanted more sex than she could give, which is why that first real argument really set her off, and she folded under the pressure of trying to live up to me. Additionally we got very close very fast, and that may have scared her.

We only lasted two months, which was a shock to me because I really did treat her pretty well (Although I'm still a prick sometimes, so I wasn't a total pushover), and while we had some bad times, we had a lot of good times too. Some very tender moments. Her parents and siblings love me, she bragged about me to her friends, and a bunch of other stuff. Her previous boyfriend sh*t all over her, and their relationship lasted a year. Her parents hated him, and her friends hated him too. From what I know of him, his self-esteem is even lower than hers. He cried a lot, he was suicidal, etc. I think that makes her feel comfortable in a relationship, once again because she only has to live up to very low standards.

[lahnnabell]

She's quite possibly used to being the more stable one in her relationships (by comparison anyway). I know that after having shouldered most of the work in my past relationships, when you finally get into a good one you think, "Why is there no work to do? There has to be SOMETHING wrong!" This current one I'm in feels easy, like breathing. This is not to say there aren't issues, but his casual demeanor and approach make it easier to deal with.

she said "I always ruin relationships.. We should just stop this now, cause I'll ruin it in the long run."

This is a very immature thing to say. Instead of going the adult route and acknowledging the way you feel and helping you come to a conclusion of how you both can make this better (which was the whole point of you saying something, so good on you), she copped out with a "woe is me" line like this absolves her. She has some growing to do yet.

[shheadz]

Thanks lahnnabell.. you're helpful as always. I feel like there are a lot of unresolved misunderstandings between us, and it's making it hard for me to completely move on.

[lahnnabell]

That will happen. I have LOTS of unresolved sh*t between me and my dad and it has taken a while to get a place where I don't constantly think of it. I kind of have to look at like the father I once had has died. He's no longer the person I loved while I was growing up, and so he has to remain dead to me. Otherwise I can't move on and all his failings will haunt me.

[shheadz]

Man, I'm a mess right now, and really making some mistakes. Last night I slept with the girl I was just talking to. That's just wrong for so many reasons. My ex also just stomped on my heart. She wanted to hang out a couple times this week, and I said no. I felt good about that, but she came over today to exchanged some gifts we already bought for each other.. and jesus. She was on her way to a family get together, and she really dressed up. She looked so absolutely beautiful, and it really killed me. I feel like I deserve it though, since I'm f***ing around with this other girl's heart. I'm just a basket case right now.

[cmacattack1]

I agree with the fact that she might have purposely sabatoged the relationship, but maybe not on purpose. Like she kind of realizes what she is doing but it doesn't really hit home until its over. She will continue to be like this until she loses something that is important to her and reality really slaps her in the face. I can personally vouch for that as I was like that too.

I hate to see you like this considering you've been one of the most intellectual and very well spoken contributors I've seen on this forum. It's alot easier dishing out the advice when it's not your situation. When it's you that's involved, you don't know what to think.

[shheadz]

I hate to see you like this considering you've been one of the most intellectual and very well spoken contributors I've seen on this forum. It's alot easier dishing out the advice when it's not your situation. When it's you that's involved, you don't know what to think.

haha.. thanks for the positive words cmacattack1. I'm ok now. Those depressed moments don't last as long as they used to. The feelings have changed though. For the first couple weeks they felt like panic. The same way someone with an addiction feels when they kick the habit. Now it's more of a lonely sad kind of feeling.

As far as the girl I started sleeping with.. I know that was a mistake. I have to break the cycle of starting relationships with sex. I just feel that.. hey, while we're getting to know one another, why not have some fun in bed too? But I'm going to do what my ex didn't, and give her a real chance. I'm attracted to her, and she's a nice girl. So I'm not going to hold back with her just because I feel jaded by my ex.