made a mistake

[Spring Haze]

Hopefully you wore a condom. Get tested.

[qwertz]

dont tell her, forget about it and move on. Dont tell ANYONE, even your closest friends, then the only way she will find out is if you let it slip. But rest assured, if she does find out later down the line, then you deserve all you get, cause it will hurt her way more than if you tell her now..but that wont happen unless you decide to open your mouth.

You were selfish by cheating on her, dont be selfish by telling her.

[sexpat]

Hopefully you wore a condom. Get tested.

To be honest we really didnt have much sex, i went inside her, then (stupid me) brought up the protection issue (i didnt have mine on me at the time, having a GF i dont keep em with me), then i pulled out, and couldnt get it up, which im glad about, but i wasnt into it.

dont tell her, forget about it and move on. Dont tell ANYONE, even your closest friends, then the only way she will find out is if you let it slip. But rest assured, if she does find out later down the line, then you deserve all you get, cause it will hurt her way more than if you tell her now..but that wont happen unless you decide to open your mouth.

I guess if she does find out, i can explain everything. Im not one to kiss and tell, so I have no need to tell anyone, I am ashamed of myself as it is, especially as her sister is one of my colleagues... so whatever she tells her sister is my only problem, but its my business, and my relationship with my gf is my business so i honestly dont care what my colleagues think.

I guess I have to deal with the guilt, and to be honest my gf is really special, i dont think she would take it too seriously if i explained everything truthfully.

Thanks everyone for all your help, I was a real asshole and I have to deal with that now... so as not to let it happen again.

[qwertz]

To be honest we really didnt have much sex, i went inside her, then (stupid me) brought up the protection issue (i didnt have mine on me at the time, having a GF i dont keep em with me), then i pulled out, and couldnt get it up, which im glad about, but i wasnt into it.

.

you can still catch something from that.

[IndiReloaded]

Given the connections, I think you are going to have to come clean. The betrayal of cheating is more the lying and less the act.

But yes, she will be righteously angry. You were stupid, take your lumps like a man. Glad you learned something. Be smarter in future. Don't put yourself in situations like that, now you know how you can react.

And get tested. Wishful thinking won't make any cooties go away. Take responsibility for what you did and at least be able to reassure your girl you aren't giving her anything nasty. Otherwise you are adding possible injury to insult. I would dump you for that alone, not the cheating if I found out about this and you put my health at risk.

[sexpat]

will look into that.

Well if one really important thing I have learnt is how much my gf means to me, and how i will work hard to treat her as best I can, and work hard at the relationship.

[chrisy]

You made a mistake. You started but did not continue the act.. you left.... that's a plus in my book because it was the first time that you did such a thing.

Temptation isn't wrong - yielding to it is wrong. Get tested. If you decide to tell your girlfriend about the mistake - tell her everything, why you did it, why you left, etc. Good luck to you and your girl.

[starbuck]

You should absolutely tell her. Cheating is cheating, mistake or no, and she deserves to know you did. And if you think you should not come clean to "protect" her, well that's bull. She's an adult, and deserves to know that the guy she's with might have some self-control issues.

If you don't tell her and she finds out, she will NEVER trust you again. At least this way, there are hopes of gaining her trust back.

[kms]

^ Telling her now could still run the risk of her not trusting him. Once you've made a mistake, it's done - you've proven that it's a path you are capable of taking. You can be forgiven for mistakes made, but you won't necessarily be trusted 100% like before.

[IndiReloaded]

^ Telling her now could still run the risk of her not trusting him. Once you've made a mistake, it's done - you've proven that it's a path you are capable of taking. You can be forgiven for mistakes made, but you won't necessarily be trusted 100% like before.

And the problem with this is what, exactly? He can't be trusted, so should he expect to be?

Lying about it outright or by omission will only make it worse.

[lahnnabell]

I think you should be honest with the intention of learning more about yourself. If your girlfriend wants to stay with you and work through this bout of infidelity, then do that. If she wants you to take a hike (which I would), then take it as a lesson learned. Exit her life (as gracefully as you can) and do some hardcore thinking about what you want.

There is no doubt in my mind that sh*t like that does not "just happen". She started making out with you on the dance floor? You make it sound like she just vacuumed your face with her lips. I'm sure you were a willing participant, so don't try to omit your portion of the blame.

[falling]

uhh.. TELL HER!!

She will find out eventually or the guilt will eat you alive.

If you truly love her as much as you say you do then she deserves to know.
Not telling her is the same as lying to her.

I've been in one of these situations before.. trust me.. it's better to go through the hurting process than it is to be betrayed and find out later down the road.

p.s. You're more likely to be forgiven if you're completely honest from the very beginning. You messed up. Grow up and own up to it. Put yourself in your gf's position.. what if the situation was turned completely around.

[Cbrider]

Hopefully your girlfriend has a brother, who is much larger than yourself in stature and not afraid to go back to prison.

Seriously guys? Telling him to hide it? You can spin it however you see fit, but he still cheated and by not mentioning it, he IS hiding it.

You had plenty of chances to stop the joy ride and get off before it got ugly. Like Lahanna said, you aren't near as innocent as you portray yourself to be. Grow a pair and realize this.

You didn't feel guilt about any of this like you said, you made out with her, you happened to fall into the back seat of a taxi cab with her that subsequently ends up at her place. You dropped your cell phone, so you walked up the stairs to her apartment to find it. You see how stupid and ridiculous you sound? You're worried about how it might be awkward with your colleague at work after all this? Just where do your loyalties lie?

The only reason I think you feel guilt at this point is because you know that you have crossed the line and its bothering YOU. Tell her, she deserves to know, and has a right to make a choice about what to do with you.

You hit a new low, congratulations. Other people will tell you not to say anything, which is your choice, but that also just proves that you hold no guilt for what you are doing to her, only yourself. Let's see how noble you are.....

[sexpat]

You didn't feel guilt about any of this like you said, you made out with her, you happened to fall into the back seat of a taxi cab with her that subsequently ends up at her place. You dropped your cell phone, so you walked up the stairs to her apartment to find it. You see how stupid and ridiculous you sound? You're worried about how it might be awkward with your colleague at work after all this? Just where do your loyalties lie?

Im sorry but I dont know where you are getting all this, I didnt happen to fall into the back seat of a taxi cab (we walked), and I didnt "drop my cell phone" and walk up the stairs to her apartment to find it(we took the lift). So its sounds like you are giving me reasons to sound stupid. I know I was stupid, I went with it, and then left it when I had learnt my lesson.

Im not making up excuses, I was dancing with her on the dance floor, she started holding me, then she started kissing me. I asked her to come with me to join my friends at another dancefloor, she didnt want to, so i left to join my friends. Later she came to find me.

I think, going with her to her apartment was more out of curiosity than horniness. The whole time I could barely get it up, and with my gf this is not a problem. I can keep it up for a long time, and for a long time after sex.


I guess I am still trying to figure out who I am. For a long time in my life I have had a friend who I have looked up to alot, and at one stage he was always telling me about how he was cheating on his gf (of like 4-5 years) and how his father was telling him things like "you're not married, you're young, have fun" and I guess I didnt know where my boundaries are. I have had alot of ppl telling me thier cheating stories and I guess I was just curious. But i know now that im not like that, and I dont want to be like the millions of cheating people out there, that cheat regularly on thier partners.

p.s. You're more likely to be forgiven if you're completely honest from the very beginning. You messed up. Grow up and own up to it. Put yourself in your gf's position.. what if the situation was turned completely around.

To be honest, i highly doubt I would have a big problem with her cheating on me. We know where we stand, we both know how much we love each other, and we both have the same opinions about sex. She has lied to me alot in the past, she has kept things from me, and lied to me, and everytime I asked her why, she said to protect me, so that she doesnt hurt me. Maybe this is that kind of situation, only I am in her position. Even if she may have had a slip like this, i wouldnt let it get to me. Our love is stronger than that, and all we care about is that we have one another. We're both young, and both experimentative... its part of growing up.

Ive seen her make out with my friends before, in front of me, during drunken fun and games, it doesnt get to me. She was even encouraging this other girl (whose BF my GF had made out with) to make out with me!! Ive also seen her flashing my friends, also out of drunken fun. But none of it gets to me.

I wouldnt break up with her if she cheated on me, because sex is just sex (this is one thing my gf and I say alot to each other) and sex with someone you love, is real sex. Im in love with her soul, her body is a great advantage.

*I just want to add, not that im using this as an excuse but, all my life I have only ever been cheated on, all of my ex's cheated on me. But i did not break up with them. I have never broken up with a girl, and never cheated until now. I have only ever been cheated on, and broken up with.

[vashti]

If this were a one time event, and I was otherwise happy, and my man was never going to repeat the behavior, and he was tested for STDs, I'd rather not know.