whats with guys and space????

[pixeldust]

I agree with wired. My ex husband did the same thing to me - it's a very controlling way to go about things, though you aren't helping by persistently trying to contact him.

Cut your losses and move on. Your desperation isn't going to get you anywhere with this guy, and will only make him feel like he has the control of everything in your relationship.

[sashajade]

Thanks guys...I'm just so confused because when we aren't fighting he is soo sweet and treats me like a queen...Even when upset he has never once even called me a bad name...it's just that he shuts me out and it drives me insane because I feel the need to talk about things right away to fix them. If he doesn't want to be with me why wouldn't he just say that instead of "punishing" me by withholding contact??

[cmacattack1]

Every guy you were interested in in the past I'm sure has treated you nicely at times but at other times treated you like crap. This seems to be no different. I think you are kind of latching on and he knows he is in control. He is scolding you like you are a child that is grounded. Keep acting up and you are only going to be grounded longer. It's stupid, and I'm amazed that someone who is 38 would say these things. I've treated women like crap but never belittled them like they were children. I'd be pissed if I were you.

Give him space. Give yourself some space. Do things to take your mind off it. Try not to use him as your go to person for everything as he obviously doesn't want to be that person anyway. He's right when he says that kind of behavior will push people away. We all get in bad moods and we all have problems in our lives, try not to project them on a guy when this relationship is stilll terribly young.

[tropigal82]

Just give him space.

Seems like you're bombarding him with expectations and judgements, perhaps he is freaking out that you are coming accross as needy and desperate. I have a simple rule with the guy I am dating... it's like a game of tennis, I throw the ball into his court and wait for him to throw it back. If he doesn't throw it back then you know it's game over. Simple as that :-)

Remember the best way to keep a man interested is not to give too much away, don't be afraid to back off now and then, let him miss you and wonder what you are up to. Don't drown him in your clingyness, and finally never EVER talk over him when you have a conversation, that will surely make him livid as it means you are not willing to listen to his point of view. It seems like you are both too busy yelling "listen to me! listen to me!" whilst neither of you are hearing what the other is saying. Crazy.

Hope it works out for the best :-)

[lahnnabell]

I find it hard to believe that he didn't read those texts you sent. Even if I don't plan on responding to someone, I still read my messages. I dunno what this guy is doing, but it doesn't sound like he wants this relationship anymore. I think you should cut your losses and walk away.

However, if you do this, he might try to contact you. Don't take it as a sign that you'll be able to work things out. Most men who contact a woman after she's already decided to bail are only doing so because their egos are bruised. They want to know what happened and why you're not groveling anymore. Don't even think about taking that shit.

[vashti]

You sound very needy, and he sounds like a control freak. This situation sounds bad from every angle. I think you should move on, and get some professional help with your neediness issues so you are able to find a higher quality man who doesn't need to treat you so punitively to getyou to behave.

[Perryville]

I agree with Vash. Your personalities seem to clash rather badly. I react to arguments the same way your bf does. I shut down, cool my temper, digest what has happened, then make my decision as to how I will handle the situation. You should have respected his wishes in the first place, now he is being boorish, because he knows how needy you are. If I were him or you, I would walk.

[UnnamedSong]

Just from what's posted, I agree with several others. You are probably going a little overboard with messages/calls/etc. However no matter how furious I was with my girlfriend, if I found out that she was in an accident like that, I would most definitely want to make sure she was ok. You seem to really like to communicate a lot after a fight (which a lot of guys actually like too, not all of us like this "space", everyone is different!) and he seems to not only dislike that, but like to in fact use that as some form of power and control over you. Kinda like telling a kid if they don't stop it, they can't go to disneyland.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but you guys sound so... different. You really deserve someone that can give you the things you want and need And what lahnnabell said is dead on. If you leave, and he pulls that crap, don't feed into it.

[chico247]

You went from giving the guy pause because he didn't like the bitter arguments to pushing him over the edge with your fatal attraction psycho chick routine. Back off and wait til he contacts you - if he does. He's probably fearful for his pet bunny's life now. He asked for space. You agreed and then you broke the agreement. Guys like crazy in bed chicks not crazy I need to be with you every second chicks.

[sashajade]

Guys like crazy in bed chicks not crazy I need to be with you every second chicks.

I don't have to be with him every second. We only see each other weeks at a time as it is. I just have a problem with not fixing arguments as they happen.

[Lite]

I'll give you the short version. He has trust and anger issues that are either related to his divorce or something in his past that he's never bothered to resolve. You need to move on, because frankly he needs counseling and isn't likely to get it until he's ready to do something.

He's pretty much displaying typical bitter divorcee behavior.

As for guys and space. All people need space, but space doesn't typically mean don't talk to me at all, it typically means a few hours, maybe a day. Not days, not weeks, not don't bother me until I come calling for you. Space means he needs time to calm down, because he feels that he cannot mentally function while he's so emotionally charged.

Likely you should ditch him now, because if you're having these problems when you're dating and seeing each other on an irregular basis, he's only going to get worse. Save your dignity, time, and emotions for someone deserving of them and willing to accept them as-is.

[sashajade]

Thanks Lite! very interesting....I wish it were that easy to just forget it and move on..it's been 5 days and I haven't contacted him. I just think our relationship deserves to at least talk about it...hopefully he feels the same. :/

[sashajade]

UPDATE: So I went 11 days with no contact at all...the last couple of days have been hard...wondering if he's moved on, wondering if he thinks I moved on therefore we wouldn't have to talk at all etc...so I text him...dumb move I know. I kept it light and just basically asked how he was doing etc...no response...so last night I emailed him.... I told him i thought we at least deserved to talk about things...lay everything on the table and decide whether to move forward together or apart. I was just starting to worry that I may not get any closure. No response. Today I decided to call him to leave a message saying i was done...I just felt like at least if i took matters in my own hands I would have SOME control over the situation...even if it's not the outcome I desired...because thinking of everything that could be going through his head is driving me mad! A few minutes later I got the following email:

I told you when I would call you.
Your really pissing me off. Texting, calling, emailing.
If you don’t stop I will never speak to you again.
Your falling back into your own ways….call after call, text after text. I hate it. Stop it.
I am not reading anything you are sending me. If you have any hope of me contacting you at all on Monday, f'ing stop.

My friends think he's such a controlling jerk....I just don't understand...why wouldn't he just send an email saying it's over, leave me alone for good...why does he keep saying if you don't stop I'll never speak to you again, but continues to do so? Is this really about demanding respect? Would he make me wait for three weeks just to tell me it's over? He's had at least three opportunities to do so and he hasn't....but i'm having a hard time understanding why you would do this to someone you want to be with. Before you guys think I'm crazy just know this only happens when we are in an argument....because he shuts me out...I don't ever call him or text him constantly when we are fine. What is this guy doing????

[BoredGeorge]

Edited woman-hating crap from George- infracted.

[CAM]

Today he replies with this email:

Didn’t read any of this. Why? Because I asked you to give me some space. I saw on my phone that there has been tons of calls and text messages from you. Did I not ask for a little space?

Calling me constantly and texting me a million times is not going to get you any result that you will like. At best, we may talk next week if you stop.

If you keep calling/texting/emailing you will never hear from me again. Period.

I am not listening/reading anything you send to me. If you want to talk to me, you will give me the space I want. There is no negotiating this.
Sasha

I've saved this passage. This guy is a ****ing genius. This reads like the Book of Man, Chapter 1, Verse 2 (Verse 1 is "Get me a beer!")