Turning down sex an issue or not if he wants to marry me and tells me he adores me?

[killerbees]

Well, I figured we'd be having it more often early into the relationship especially. Guess I maybe just have a higer sex drive than some people. I was hoping for a minimum of once a day. Glad I was concerned over nothing!

[phys251]

I am a bit frustrated and confused. I am dating the man I want to marry, and he tells me every day how much he loves and wants me and is looking forward to forever. We have only been dating for a few months, and I am worried that he may not be as sexually turned on by me as I would want. I am hoping that it may not be an issue, but I try to be attractive, and am attractive in general, and he tells me that he loves everything about me, but seems to be able to turn down sex with me pretty easily in my opinion, and I am wondering if I should be concerned or not.

We have sex usually about every other day, but when asked, we both said we would be interested in an every day thing. He used to very promiscuous in his past, and says this is the first time he has ever been in love and sure he wanted to marry someone. He sometimes says how much he wants to have sex, then when I get home, he seems more interested in video games (and it hurts and pisses me off to feel #2 to a game), and sometimes forgets about our lovemaking plans, or says he doesn't know why he may not want to sometimes. It is the not knowing why that bothers me. I realize there are days that people are going to be tired and not in the mood, but should I be concerned? It hurts me and then I feel rejected (I do share this with him, and then he apologizes and tells me how much he loves and wants me--but no sex). He explains that this is the first relationship that he has ever felt so strongly for someone, and that he enjoys expressing desire and intimacy in ways other than sex, and this is a first for him. He also said maybe he finds it so beautiful and special when we do make love, that he is afraid to spoil it by doing too often, and would rather build frequency over time to keep it special and intimate. He added that just because we don't have sex, keep in mind that he always wants to--I am not sure what that means. So if that is true, and not just some weird line that means something else in "guy language" (if there is such a thing), then I want to be supportive and try not to bring it up too often and add more pressure to the subject and be thrilled with having a man that treasure the time together so much.

A lot of men under the age of 40, and some older than that, are into video games. That's just a guy thing and it's not gonna change as long as video games exist.

I don't know what to read into the "he wants to wait for sex" issue, though. Maybe it's time for a little more variety in the bedroom (or whatever room)?

We are both in our twenties. Well, we do have sex about once every or every other day. I told him that I was concerned because we are supposed to be all hot and heavy and all that, and that is when he said he was wanting to build over time and be more consistent, because he used to be more like that when he was promiscuous, and doesn't want us to feel like that at all, and if that were the case, then I'd be ok. Yeah, I definitely don't want to be sex-starved, but maybe I just am more interested in doing it more often? I am used to being more into frequency thatn my partner anyway, but I assumed someone with a promiscuous past was going to want it a lot, but I guess I am mistaking promiscuity, which may just be avoiding serious relationships for wanting sex with someone in a relationship.

This is just a guess, but maybe he's still got some issues from his past and things that daily sex = promiscuous sex?

And yes, he just started playing a brand new immersive game. We are both gamers, but I know how to hit pause or turn the game off for some sex, and we are working on that because he didn't realize he was doing it. He said to just tap him on the shoulder and tell him it is time, but I feel weird doing that too. To me, I'd hope the desire would be there without me having to stand in front of the T.V. or something. Perhaps I am just being paranoid.

Ah. Is there any way you two could play this game together, or failing that, watch him as he plays? A lot of guys like it when their partner is a gamer as well.

[vashti]

I think video games are wrecking the sex lives of an entire generation of people. I just don't get it. Do you think your grandparent's generation would ever have preferred to play go fish than have sex? Ridiculous.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, I used to be a big video gamer too, but I've never wanted to play video games over sex ever. I began rearranging my priorities and I play video games less and have had a better life for it. I think it's just a maturity thing, he's gonna want to grow up a bit and do things outside of playing games all the time. The fact that you like to do games too probably just enables him.

All his reasons for it are like Giga said a big crock of shit. I pissed off my ex girlfriend who was used to guys wanting to bone her all the time when I didn't initate it as much, but I kind of had some issues that I needed to deal with and didn't deal with them. It doesn't mean he's getting with somebody else, but something is going on with him.

He's got to be honest with you and not give you excuses for why it won't happen. He should know that this is pretty important to you and if he doesn't believe that, maybe you should start walking.

^^^This is of course if what you are doing and trying to do isn't working.