Break up after almost 3 years. Need advice.

[MichaelLevi]

Thank you very much for the advice, guys.

I will give you the advice i went with. I too had a 3 year relationship and he left me with no warning or explaination. Then i did something totally out of character.....ignore him, dont text or call him etc, just say hi if you randomly see them or keep it simple if they call. just wait for her response, if she is going to realise her mistake of change her mind, space will help her come to this conclusion.
I did this and within a few weeks he came back, this could however take months or more. All depends on how long your willing to wait and i wont lie, it was the hardest thing i have ever done as your instinct is that you should keep advancing to try and "fix" the problem. From my experience persuing her will only make things worse as you will seem desperate and she needs time to miss you.

hope this helps. gd luck

She's the one who starts texting me first, even though I told her we CAN'T be friends or talk because it's going to make me think she's coming back. I try make my responses short and simple. She sent me 8 texts and I only sent 3 back. I'm extremely worried about her, her friend screwed her over, her grandma kicked her out, her dad wants her out of his life, and now she's living at a different friend's house everyday I think. I told her that if she needs anything at all to let me know, because I can't stand to think about her not having a permanent, safe place to live. It's making this whole thing a hell of a lot harder.

[MichaelLevi]

Got kind of an update. It's been a month since she broke up with me and yesterday she sent me these texts:

"Michael?"
"I wish we could be friends. The only friend I have anymore is Tristan. No one else will talk to me. Not even my own family. I'm falling apart."
"Oh my God. I just realized that I have nothing else to live for but 6 cats and a dog. My life is so ****ing pathetic."

I ignored the first two texts and responded with this to the third:

"Go see a therapist. They are much better at understanding people's problems and giving advice than anyone else. It's their job."

She replied:

"I don't want to go see a therapist. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want you as a friend. Will I ever have it?"

I ignored it. I think that me ignoring her is bringing her back to me. What do you think?

[MichaelLevi]

We talked again yesterday. I told her that I can only be her friend if she gets help and goes to therapy. She said that she doesn't want to go to therapy and tell a stranger her problems, that therapists are pointless and just get paid to think they know everything about people they've never met. She'd rather talk to her friend who's had kind of the same problems for free. I know she misses me, she told me multiple times, and she said she never stops thinking and worrying about me. We hugged for a long time, and I told her that when she feels the time is right, I'm always here for her. Now I guess I just have to wait...

[MichaelLevi]

We've been talking and I keep trying to figure out what's going on between us. She sent me this message:

"It's kind of hard not to.

Michael...I don't want therapy. And I never will. I guess I can't say 'never' because I don't know how I'll feel later on down the road. But at this point in my life, I don't give a flying **** about a therapist or getting therapy. **** Trevor. He doesn't know shit about my life or what I've gone through. Sigh. I'm sorry. That was mean. I appreciate your wanting to help me. I do. But I fail to see how talking to someone who charges 100 dollars an hour to put me on meds is "fixing" the problem.



Michael, I can't be with you. I don't think we'll ever get back together. And I'm so sorry. I do love you. I'm not trying to play games with you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you and drag you around by your teeth. I truly want you to find happiness in life. I want you to find some girl to raise a family with that wont go all bi-polar on them and drown them in the tub. You deserve to be able to do what you want without pissing someone off. You shouldn't have to live your life in fear of upsetting someone else. You were an amazing boyfriend. Truly. I accept responsibility for every problem we had. I'M the problem. I want you to do whatever you need to get over me. If that means ending whatever friendship we happen to have...then so be it. I'm so sorry. I really am.
I hope you can still talk to me. And I hope you will get over me soon. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I want you to know that. I've never felt shittier. But I know deep down that this IS the right thing to do. Whether you feel the same way or not.
I hope to hear from you soon."

She also sent me these texts:
"well, you aren't responding...which means something is wrong...and you don't want to tell me...and I already know what it is. SO...I'm going to go cry myself to sleep and pretend I wont wake up. I'm sorry. I hope to talk to you tomorrow, but I never know what I'm going to get so in case you don't ever talk to me again...Good night, sweet dreams. Talk to you soon....I hope"

What do you think?

[VincenzoG91]

I got a similar text message from my girlfriend several weeks ago, minus the crazy talk about drowning kids and never waking up again.

We're back together now, but I don't want to give you false hope. We've been together since 2003, and this last year of our relationship has been so good that I finally proposed to her. She felt really guilty that our big plans will be delayed by four years, until she finishes getting her undergrad degree and then law school. So she wanted me to find somebody else that would make me happy. Since then, I've helped her to understand that I am happy, but also nearly as busy as she is, and patient enough to wait for summer break. We're happy together, so there's no sense in ending a good relationship.

Your situation is different, because your lady needs help and knows it, but refuses to get that help. You aren't happy together anymore, and she knows that it's her fault. But she isn't willing to change, for you or herself or anybody. So there isn't a healthy future together in the cards for you two. She is trying to do the right thing, as she sees it, by setting you free. I think that you should get in touch with her, and go through with the breakup. You will both get a sense of closure, and then you can move on and find somebody who really wants to be with you.

[MichaelLevi]

I got a similar text message from my girlfriend several weeks ago, minus the crazy talk about drowning kids and never waking up again.

We're back together now, but I don't want to give you false hope. We've been together since 2003, and this last year of our relationship has been so good that I finally proposed to her. She felt really guilty that our big plans will be delayed by four years, until she finishes getting her undergrad degree and then law school. So she wanted me to find somebody else that would make me happy. Since then, I've helped her to understand that I am happy, but also nearly as busy as she is, and patient enough to wait for summer break. We're happy together, so there's no sense in ending a good relationship.

Your situation is different, because your lady needs help and knows it, but refuses to get that help. You aren't happy together anymore, and she knows that it's her fault. But she isn't willing to change, for you or herself or anybody. So there isn't a healthy future together in the cards for you two. She is trying to do the right thing, as she sees it, by setting you free. I think that you should get in touch with her, and go through with the breakup. You will both get a sense of closure, and then you can move on and find somebody who really wants to be with you.

Towards the end of the relationship things were getting better, I could tell. We were happy together, we just had problems, like all relationships do, and it wasn't all her fault. I think I made her believe it was all her fault because a lot of the time I would not take the blame for things, and I'd refuse to believe I did anything wrong. Right now I want her to get help and be happy more than anything.