How Do You Reconnect...

[ChristianonLI]

Giga, what doesn't make sense is that she never once tried to fight for the marriage. Problems arose, she let them get worse and even seemed to use the worsening situation as the backbone for her reasons to leave. What doesn't make sense is why she chose to be single over being with me. I never tried to control her, or change her and I did nothing wrong to her that wasn't completely on accident and not really all that terrible to begin with. She told me of things that needed changing and I changed them. Then she kept adding on things that needed to change until I couldn't change fast enough and after she was gone she revealed the supposed "real" things that I should have naturally known to change without being told. Then she told me it was over and she wasn't going to give me a chance to change those things because the fact I didn't do it on my own, without any sort of prompting, meant I never loved her.

Being single is the absolute worst thing in the world, why did she think that was somehow better? How could ANYONE think that is somehow better than being with someone? I'd choose an imperfect person over nobody any day of the week.

[Incognito]

Well there are three sides to every story. Yours, hers, and the truth. Unfortunately we don't know the truth and we don't have her side of the story. From all of your comments and what you've said about her (no I didn't follow the link) it is over plain and simple. You seem rather hell bent on getting her back even though she doesn't want you. That is stalker-ish. If she doesn't want you there is nothing left for you to do. "NO" means NO, just like in sexual situations. My advice would be to calm down, find other things to occupy your time, and move on. Clinging to the nonexistent possibility that you will be able to force, trick, or bribe her back into your arms will only leave you more miserable (or in jail if your seeming obsession with her leads you to violate a restraining order).

[Chupacabras]

Nobody's perfect and you're certainly not going to meet someone who's good for you by being with someone bad for you. Being alone rather than with the wrong person is a sign of emotional maturity; your last paragraph is telling.

[oneandonly]

Giga, what doesn't make sense is that she never once tried to fight for the marriage. Problems arose, she let them get worse and even seemed to use the worsening situation as the backbone for her reasons to leave. What doesn't make sense is why she chose to be single over being with me. I never tried to control her, or change her and I did nothing wrong to her that wasn't completely on accident and not really all that terrible to begin with. She told me of things that needed changing and I changed them. Then she kept adding on things that needed to change until I couldn't change fast enough and after she was gone she revealed the supposed "real" things that I should have naturally known to change without being told. Then she told me it was over and she wasn't going to give me a chance to change those things because the fact I didn't do it on my own, without any sort of prompting, meant I never loved her.

Being single is the absolute worst thing in the world, why did she think that was somehow better? How could ANYONE think that is somehow better than being with someone? I'd choose an imperfect person over nobody any day of the week.

That last sentence is so weird. I would never choose anyone for the sake of not being alone.

[VincenzoG91]

Christian, I'm sorry that you went through such a negative experience, but now it's time to grow the hell up and move on. Stop being obsessive and creepy. Learn from the mistakes of the past and work towards a better future.

[Gigabitch]

Giga, what doesn't make sense is that she never once tried to fight for the marriage.

No, it makes perfect sense when you consider the fact that she didn't care. She was probably one of those dippy females who are more interested in the wedding than they are in the marriage.

[ChristianonLI]

What better future could possibly exist if I have to forever live with the "what if?" scenario in my head. That feeling of knowing if I had just done something a little better, a little sooner, or not said some of the things I said in frustration, the outcome could have been totally different and I wouldn't be sitting here miserable and posting yet again about this awful and ridiculous situation that is defying all that I came to know and understand about life, love and the ways of the universe.

[ChristianonLI]

You know, I never did mention once before: in July 2008, after we'd been dating for a year and a half, she essentially told me the following: "I love you, but I would like to know that you're serious about this relationship and that you plan on proposing to me soon because if not I might have to reconsider where I stand." Then about a month later I proposed. A few people have expressed certain opinions in regards to this but I'd like to know what everyone here thinks.

[Gigabitch]

She just wanted a ring, a dress and a party.

[girl68]

A year and a half isn't all that long. You were pushed, pushing never gets anyone very far.

[bluesummer]

What better future could possibly exist if I have to forever live with the "what if?" scenario in my head. That feeling of knowing if I had just done something a little better, a little sooner, or not said some of the things I said in frustration, the outcome could have been totally different and I wouldn't be sitting here miserable and posting yet again about this awful and ridiculous situation that is defying all that I came to know and understand about life, love and the ways of the universe.

I've read your old threads, all of them. What you need to understand is, that nothing you did or said differently was going to change the outcome. She had decided she was done with the relationship and wasn't going to listen to you or give any merit to your attempts to change. I think she had issues, and it was damn selfish of her to go through with the marriage when I highly suspect she had very strong doubts long before it happened.

Being single is the absolute worst thing in the world, why did she think that was somehow better? How could ANYONE think that is somehow better than being with someone? I'd choose an imperfect person over nobody any day of the week.

Wrong. Being with the wrong person is infinitely worse than being single. Ask me about four tear-filled years of marriage to my jerk-off ex-husband. The day I walked out the door was the happiest of my life, and I was happier every day after that too. Stop defining your existence by the person you're with.

[ChristianonLI]

So would this be further supported by the fact she never opened any of her bridal shower gifts (they sat in the apartment the whole time) and never brought the wedding gifts from her side of the family to the apartment (they stayed at her parents' house)? Or the fact her oldest brother, who I never even met, didn't go to the wedding? Or the fact she said she'd move in January 2009 then stalled until May?

[bluesummer]

I'd say all of this is a screaming indicator she didn't really want to be married in the first place. Like Giga said, she's probably just one of those silly girls that likes the idea of a wedding.

[LailaK]

You know, I never did mention once before: in July 2008, after we'd been dating for a year and a half, she essentially told me the following: "I love you, but I would like to know that you're serious about this relationship and that you plan on proposing to me soon because if not I might have to reconsider where I stand." Then about a month later I proposed. A few people have expressed certain opinions in regards to this but I'd like to know what everyone here thinks.

It sounds like she never loved you, but even if she did, people's feelings can change. One day you can realize your not in love with a person and leave them just like that. No looking back. It happens all the time.

There are so many people in the world. You can find another girl once you stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you expect a downgrade you'll get one. If your confident and work on yourself (get some professional help to become less of a stalker) you might be surprised at the caliber of woman that you can pull.

[IndiReloaded]

What the hell makes you think you're some awesome catch. Because reading that you've done nothing but tell her she doesn't deserve to find better. Well, I disagree. She deserves a guy who doesn't tell her she can't have great things. She deserves a guy who doesn't tell her that *you* are the best she'll ever have. Good on her for leaving your ass.

Sorry, LIon but Girl is right. At least based on your post.