Social Standards and Etiquette

[lahnnabell]

No where in that post did I explain that I was bragging TO her. I told her much of my life story when we were sharing relationship stories. She needed advice about a guy she was seeing, and I began to pull from my own bank of experiences. If she wanted to inquire about details, she did, and I provided them. I suppose I can see how it looks like I'm being an arrogant tool though. So, sorry if I've come off as such. I'm really just trying to give the story a well-rounded feel since the situation is so new to me.

And I don't believe in keeping quiet. I am perfectly at peace to talk to anyone about anything. I like to share stories with people because it's how I get to know them. You can tell a lot about a person from how they conduct themselves in a social setting. I guess I don't know how to word it any other way.

But thanks for your input!

[Sonrisa]

Lahnna, I am not judging you at all. But people with high confidence have a way of expressing themselves in a very dynamic way which might seem offensive to ughm.... people who are less confident. trust me, i've faced it too many times. i always have to watch what i say and how i talk to people. it's one thing on here, but IRL i can't express myself the same way.

[lahnnabell]

Hmmm... I suppose you're right. I'm just sooo happy with my life right now! I spent the better part of last year being underemployed due to having gotten laid off. I had to stay with friends, and I had no money. My car almost got repossessed. Now that I'm working again full-time and taking care of my shit, I feel sooo good. I have wonderful people in my life, and I have a new home that I love. And I'm in the process of getting promoted to manager at work... I'm. so. happy.

But I hear what you're saying. It's part of the reason I wanted to treat her to lunch yesterday. I want to share that happiness. I hate that it's coming off all wrong.

[Indignant]

The older I get, the more I realize that other people can not share our happiness. only family will sincerely be happy for us. everyone else will be eaten up from the inside with envy.

[starbuck]

I think your roomate sounds a little catty. If I mentioned doing a dinner/drinks type of thing around ANYONE, I'd invite them along as well.

However, perhaps she needs more space than others and likes to keep her friends and her roomates separate. I guess you know now what her boundaries are. I would try not to take it personally.

[starbuck]

The older I get, the more I realize that other people can not share our happiness. only family will sincerely be happy for us. everyone else will be eaten up from the inside with envy.

And very good friends will be happy for us too, Sonrisa.

And Love Forum people. Well, some of us

[girl68]

I think it was more her friends who shut you out than L. But I can understand the feeling. And I also understand that you feel like L should have stepped up to the plate to include you. Either way what's done is done. Give it a littttle bit more time to be included with her friends type deal. If she does this time and time again well then shit might hit the fan.

[the_robot]

And very good friends will be happy for us too, Sonrisa.

And Love Forum people. Well, some of us

I'm the only guy who "thanked" that.... kinda makes me feel gay.

[starbuck]

I'm the only guy who "thanked" that.... kinda makes me feel gay.

Hey, I'm not complaining. I could use the rep after losing over 1000 thanks when the new site got implemented

And I said, "not all of us" because I remember when I was first dating my husband and I would come on LF raving about how happy I was, and then OV would come on and post things like "who cares?" Ha!

[Mish]

On the way home we decided that we should do a taco Tuesday night. Later on that evening, her friends came over and suddenly I was shut out. I assumed that because "L" and I had talked about it earlier that day that it was a joint venture. She and her friends came back with margarita mix, tequila, and taco fixings. As they started making margaritas I asked if I could steal a little tequila to which I got the response, "Umm... Maybe we should wait on that." Not understanding exactly what the issue was, I kindly backed off and said, "Oh, well, nevermind. I'm cool."

Was it a joint decision to do a taco night? If yes then your roommate was at fault for shutting you out and you should have a talk to her about this. You should mention that you feel she broke a joint decision the two of you agreed to and that her friends were rude to you which you did not appreciate and see what her response is.

Being honest, straight forward and sticking up for yourself when it's called for are important skills to have that will make sure you won't get mistreated in the future.

[Sonrisa]

i am still thinking that she must've said something to offend L

[IndiReloaded]

Lahnna, I am not judging you at all. But people with high confidence have a way of expressing themselves in a very dynamic way which might seem offensive to ughm.... people who are less confident. trust me, i've faced it too many times. i always have to watch what i say and how i talk to people. it's one thing on here, but IRL i can't express myself the same way.

^ Totally. ::nods head::

That's one of the most appealing things about this place (for me). I have to be so damned di-plo-matic at work and socially. Blah.

[sookie6]

My belated take on this.

If you want to maintain peace in your flat and believe me for having flat shared in the past I know that having hassle at home can suck your life out...so if you want peace you need to be able to back off whenever you see roots for issues.

There are important fights in life but these roomies issues are pointless and won't bring you happiness.

So now that you've worked out more or less how L functions, work around it. I don't think she could ever be a 'true friend' to you based on what you said on both's personality. So let her be a 'mate'.

When she is by herself and you can hang out together, great it's the time to consolidate your bond. But obviously she is insecure when you are around with her friends...so that's when you should stay in the background...

I know it's difficult to swallow...(that's why in general I stay away form insecure people, they do tend to develop jealousy) but I am sure you have a strong circle of friends yourself.

Living in a house of 5, you need yo be a bit of a politician...juggling with people's personalities all the time.

You don't won't to be ostracised for being too 'pretty' or 'sknny' of whatever...

Good luck

[lahnnabell]

Thanks guys! I've taken all your insight and I agree with all of you. I think if it starts to happen like that on the regular then I'll say something. For now, I'll treat it like an isolated incident and let it roll off.

Something new came up recently too. She's been seeing this guy who is apparently really sweet and wonderful to her. I told her that it IS wonderful, especially in comparison to the douche she was dating previously. I told her I'd like to meet him whenever he comes over next and she was cool with that. Fast forward a day or so. She tells me that he (the guy she is dating) has been asking about when he gets to meet me. Keep in mind, I've never spoken to or seen this guy before, but apparently he keeps inquiring to "L", "Hey, where's your friend? Is she home?" This has me a tad mystified. Could this be part of what caused this rift?

I get that this isn't a fault of mine as I've had no previous connection with this dude. Perhaps his asking about me has her spinning her wheels a bit, especially since he has no idea who I am? She knows I'm crazy in love with my boyfriend, but I suppose that means nothing to her if she feels insecure about herself or the situation. I get that she doesn't know me and may fear why he's so interested in meeting me. I would never do anything to sabotage her relationship with him, but I can see why she doesn't trust me quite yet. In fact, we were originally supposed to go to lunch at the restaurant this guy owns, but "L" said she wanted to go somewhere else at the last minute. I didn't think anything of it, and quickly picked another location. If she doesn't want me to meet him, I'm fine with that. I'll just give her time and space to figure her head out, I guess.

[Petit Papillon]

Well, I know that flatmates don't have to be my friends or anything, but what I hate is people who smile to you and say 'yeah we are going to have soo much fun, we're going to go there and there , do this and that' and yeah, they never do it In my opinion, if you never mean to do anything with some people, don't talk and don't propose anything. Because worse than not having any invitation or preposition of spending time together is when you're proposed to do something,but that was all.
Anyway, I don't like people who are always so sweet and nice that I feel like puking... I can spot a fake smile during the first second and I hate that. I respect much more people who can show me their real emotions
And yeah flatmates mostly don't become friends from a simple reason. They are connected through a flat, not any activity,hobby,interest. They might be totally different people, it's not that the chemistry connected them, just a coincidence It's not impossible but yeah, I wouldn't look for friends in my flatmates