Fiance holding against me ex relationships? please help?

[cmacattack1]

I figure if you really care about somebody it won't really matter. I've only had 5 girls including my ex, and I was her 10th and she was two years younger than me (she's 21, I'm 23) . I knew a few of the guys, played sports with them, etc. It just didn't bother me. It doesn't even bother me now that she is ****ing another guy (11). I still love her. Maybe I'm a weirdo, but to have this kill an engagement? Seems bananas, dawg.

[sehvral]

A buddy of mine always says "the only difference between 14 and 24 is jail time". This girl is still living in a fairy tale world, where her prince charming is as pure as untouched snow. No way she's mature enough to handle marriage, IMO.

[VincenzoG91]

Whose idea was it to get married so fast? If you have been together for a while, the past shouldn't be an issue.

[ftm]

Her main issue is not so much that it was 11 but that it was only 8 months before we met that my last relationship ended.

REALLY?

I had assumed it was the 11 months.

Why exactly does 8 months bother her? Would it have been okay if it was 10 months? Is there a certain length of time that she thinks needs to pass between relationships? Does the 8 months contradict something you had said to her in the past?

[whitelight]

'This girl is still living in a fairy tale world, where her prince charming is as pure as untouched snow. No way she's mature enough to handle marriage, IMO'

I think that too, she has even said that she is prone to that in certain ways.

Vince well we both pretty much decided to get engaged after just a few months of being together.

FTM no sorry if I confused you but it was 8 months before I met her that my last relationship ended. 11 is the number of girlfriends I have had since I was 16 (14 years ago). No there was no contradiction in anything I said just that she never asked me about any past girlfriends so I never talked about it as for me it was a non issue as I don't think of them or have any connexion with them anymore. Past.

[Incognito]

A small number of people think that it's ok for her to have almost called off our up and coming marriage due to knowing that my last relaionship ended 8 months before we met. Her main issue is not so much that it was 11 but that it was only 8 months before we met that my last relationship ended.

This is all so crazy, the wedding dress is bought and wedding plans are all in motion!!! What is going to happen here!!???? Part of me thinks in a day or two she will call it off, part of me thinks she will accept that it was in my past and accept it's her who I love and the past is the past.

Perhaps you need to accept that she is immature and insecure and that you are better off not being legally bound to such a person regardless of what plans are in motion.

[xxazurexx]

.... we both pretty much decided to get engaged after just a few months of being together.

Why oh why, do people get engaged or married after a few months of knowing each other and without taking the time to get to know each other properly? I dont understand what the rush is with some people?

I suppose now she has her engagement ring, that little bit extra security, she thinks it's ok to pick fault with your past.

Odd that your past wasn't an issue, before the ring came along....

[VincenzoG91]

She must think that you gave her a magic ring that allows her to act stupid without wrecking the relationship.

[ftm]

FTM no sorry if I confused you but it was 8 months before I met her that my last relationship ended. 11 is the number of girlfriends I have had since I was 16 (14 years ago). No there was no contradiction in anything I said just that she never asked me about any past girlfriends so I never talked about it as for me it was a non issue as I don't think of them or have any connexion with them anymore. Past.

Ah. It was late when I wrote that and I mis-typed. What I had meant to say was that I thought she had been upset about the number of relationships you had (11) and not the number of months since your last one (8). My bad.

[whitelight]

Well an update for everyone!

SHE FINSIHED IT 30 MINS AGO!!!

She ended it and said now that it wasn't to do with the ex-girlfriends but to do with the fact that we had some differences and 3-4 conflicts about some coupley type things. Which to me all couples go though those sort of things having had proper relationships in the past I have gone through such things. So it was to do with all those things apparently. I also wonder if it was the fact that she would have had to have worked as I didn't earn enough as she said she didn't want to work and she said she was prepared to make a sacrafice in doing that. The first thing she said though when she did it was 'Ohh you protrayed yourself to have had a squeeky clean past!!!!' Well never did that, I just didn't talk about my ex-girlfriends! So thats what she means by that.

I haven't even done anything wrong and would have loved her for ever.

I am devasted and hurt. She was so crule and cold about it all, I have never seen her like that before EVER.

I am so hurt and devasted!

[Kaius]

So sorry. I know it hurts. But you might be better off without such drama....
I was married for 12 years, and it was peachy no drama during our courtship and 1st six years of marriage.
Yet we still divorced in the end. Goes to show...you gotta be on stable foundation to even consider marriage.

[VincenzoG91]

whitelight,

She is an idiot and a jerk, but at least she did you a huge favor. Think how miserable you would have been, married to such a cruel and lazy person. Mature people in a relationship together talk about problems openly so they can solve them together. They don't secretly harbor resentment and then suddenly lash out at each other. She needs to finish growing up before she is ready to be married. Maybe she knew that, deep down, but probably she is just a jerk.

[whitelight]

Thanks guys for that. I just went for a walk along the pier on my own. I can't belive upset I am. Who know's what shes going to do with the wedding dress but she said she will give me the ring back but what do you think I should say?

I just can't believe how cold and distant she was tonight! NEVER seen her like that before. What hurt the most I think is that she said only yesterday even how much she loved me! Now today she said she doesn't love me. I am just so hurt.

[IndiReloaded]

She just needs to grow up a bit. Tho I do agree with the others, this is a red flag for committing to someone so young. IMO, marriage shouldn't even be considered until at or past the far end of 20s.

I think you would be well within your rights to tell her you think its a good idea to postpone the wedding until you have had some couples counselling and learned healthier ways to deal with disagreements. And yes, she should give back the ring if you are really splitting.

Good luck. I think this break is actually for the best. If she cools down and realizes her mistake, refer back to my previous suggestion about the counselling.

[cmacattack1]

Alright well, take a deep breath here. I know your head is swimming and you really want her to see it from your point of view and understand things but she isn't going to. You saw how cold she was to you, there's no understanding there. If you are tempted to call her, or talk to her, please don't. She wants this, let her face her consequences. Yes, she does need growing up and maturing to do, but to be engaged to you definitely wasn't helping that. It was a comfort zone to lay on. Maybe some time on her own will really sort things out.