Im In My Final Decision, Just Need The Final Advice To Make it.

[JasonVoorhees]

Me and my girlfriend just had another Talk , She told me if your not sure yet im gonna change and feel so much confused then why keep trying just end it.
i came home, she was packing, and then the crying started again. i feel destroyed. i dunno if i should let this happen, shes going in the morning, im in pieces. should i stop her and give her another chance? should i let her go? Sorry if i already said this but this is really the final moment now, i will not turn back if she leaves cause i dont want to play around with her.

Bear with me this night of thinking and stress.

[lahnnabell]

Let her go. You are not a bad person, and you've done everything within your power to help her. Let her go.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah let her go. You make it sound like the final moment, and in a way it is.....for this broken relationship. Forever is a long time and I guarentee if she doesn't find an immediate fix soon, you will hear from her again. Do whatever you can to take your mind off the situation right now, or if you have alot of questions, you should post it on here. I'm sure if you give us some unbiased details, we can be happy to help you figure things out so you can improve from this.

[JasonVoorhees]

Thanks for the great help and support guys , i really apriciate.
This relationship started because we fell in love and at that time she had lost her father 2years before and she had a family that didnt take much care of her. She found me and her life got better, even tough she found someone who cares for her, she never decided to give a goal in her life, she didnt just care, she had me to rely on and thats it and she lived her life day by day and i took care of her like she was a baby.

I know some people feel thats wrong, but i didnt feel it wrong and i was happy to do it, i wasn't happy anymore when she started to get this nervous attack even tough she had me. And then when i decide to end it all she says that she will change in everything.
I dont have any gurantee to that because when i tried to make her realize how good life is she didnt just give a damn and now she gives because i was gonna dump her. thats why i have 0 gurantee.

And yet she comes today and tells me, i lost my father, i found you, now im loosing you too. and there i fall into pieces..
i know i done wrong maybe make her rely on me, maybe thats where the nervous attack came from , maybe thats why she also lost her sex drive.
But i just cant help myself prevent from abandoning her, it feelllsss so wrong in my hearth , altough my brain tells me its the best decision. Most of my friends tell me listen to your hearth, but i know better in a situation like this...

im so depressed.

[lahnnabell]

She can't hang all the hopes she had on her father on you now. It doesn't work like that. She needs to learn to be strong on her own. You have been her crutch for some time now. Her blaming you is the result of her immaturity and refusal to take responsibility. She will learn a lot from this, but you have to be out of the picture.

[JasonVoorhees]

then my only option is to keep my feelings aside, and just watch her and let her go? for the good of us ? especially for her? what are the odds if i fail and give her a chance? will she just get back to her old self? this weeks lesson isnt enough? just some question runing trough my mind, thanks alot friends for helping me in this very dificult moment.

[lahnnabell]

What happened the last time you tried to catch her when she fell? She never learned how to stand on her own because she had you there to support her. Most of us only learn to grow when we are forced to. She has no reason to grow with you around. You've been indulging her for a very long time and she looks to you to take care of every thing. It takes much longer than a week for us to really put new and better habits into practice. She has to want to do it to better herself for her HERSELF, not just so she can keep you by her side.

It will take a long time for this to sink into her brain. She will make a lot of mistakes. But she is her own person and it's time she started acting like it.

[JasonVoorhees]

what about convinving her to have a break? would that be a good idea? staying for lets say a month without each other to decide what we really want?

[cmacattack1]

What happened the last time you tried to catch her when she fell? She never learned how to stand on her own because she had you there to support her. Most of us only learn to grow when we are forced to. She has no reason to grow with you around. You've been indulging her for a very long time and she looks to you to take care of every thing. It takes much longer than a week for us to really put new and better habits into practice. She has to want to do it to better herself for her HERSELF, not just so she can keep you by her side.

It will take a long time for this to sink into her brain. She will make a lot of mistakes. But she is her own person and it's time she started acting like it.

Some of us learn this the hard way. I know I did after my ex girlfriend spoiled me and gave me everything when I was beginning to act more and more undeserving of it. I never really understood this until she was really out of the picture and I felt like I had no shot of being with her again. The whole shaky period after the break up, your mind is just focused on what I can do to get them back. Or how I can change to get them back. Because that's the goal: getting them back. It's usually short sighted and doesn't involve "keeping them". So when she does finally have you back, it's back to the same ol' same ol'. You can't put a timetable on this and you can't give them the hope that things WILL be alright in the end for this relationship, because there will be ZERO motivation to become a better person, it will be just "waiting it out."

When you are really on your own, it just dawns on you that "Hmm, maybe I brought this on myself. How they treated me was excellent." Everybody's different though, it could take alot more for some to really realize some things. You cannot help her grow, you are not her parent. And even the parents can only do so much. She will have to learn how to be on her own. It's bittersweet to think that you very likely can lose her in this process, but it gives you the best chance to have a true transformation and a lasting impression. For her, and for you. This is the big picture. You are doing this for her as well as you, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[lahnnabell]

Wow, you really like punishment. No. A month is not long enough. She needs to be faced with an indefinite period of time. This is the only reality that will begin to make sense to her. She needs to know through and through that it is OVER. Any time limit or prearranged situation will keep her hanging on to that little glimmer of hope.

You want to be happy again right? There will be other women in your life, and you will never again settle for this same BS.

[JasonVoorhees]

It's just that sometimes my mind tells me its not worth it loosing her for this, she gave me everything i ever wanted, like even when i hadn't a job we really helped each other out so much and i never had any bad thing from her unless when she dumped me for no aparant reason but because of she was confused.
The only 3 bad things this girl had were, a great nervous attack when she fought with me the whole day in this last month before this happened, a loss of sex drive probably from the nervous attack , and that she lived her life day by day. My heart is just telling me its not good to loose so much of a good hearted woman for those 3 reasons and i cant get it out of my head this feeling it hurts me inside.

[cmacattack1]

There are many good hearted people out there, do not be afraid. Even if its a daunting task of starting over and rebuilding what you have spent so much time doing. She's not a bad person, I think it's pretty apparent. However, at this particular point in time she might not be right for you or unable to provide what you need. It's not because you don't love her and she doesn't love you. Love itself cannot carry this for you, it cannot conquer the issues you both face every day, every week, every month...

[JasonVoorhees]

thank you alot cmacattack1. I have the courage to do it, yet after the so much good memories of growing together in our teen years from 14 till 19 are too much and i have a big feeling that i will regret doing this for alot of time to come in my life.

[cmacattack1]

It would be an even bigger regret to continue to suffer through years of unhappiness when life and opportunity is passing you by. Either way there will be some regret. It's your life to live. You do not need her to be happy and no matter what happens, you will be okay. You have had some great times and some great experiences in the past, but looking forward to the future....what is there to currently look forward to?

[JasonVoorhees]

I don't now how to say this, i think i failed.
we woke up in the morning and had another talk, and she confused me again in giving her another chance, i still told her to go , i told her rest for 2days at your mother's house gimme some time alone to think and we will see.
she went but came back after 2hrs, she sent me a message "im coming if you want keep me if not leave me to sleep in front of your door outside". i was without words, of course im not gonna let her sleep outside but this is like she's forcing me to get more confused im at a godamn loss.