Should you tell your friend about her cheating husband?

[girl68]

^ affair is temporary!? Oh god what a reason to allow a friend be cheated on! Whew, thankfully I don't have to think my friends would hide my partners affair because they think they're doing me a favor.

Guess who is to blame should the wife contract diseases? Firstly obviously the cheater second to that the "best friend" who decided the wife didn't need to know the cheater is banging around.

[Sonrisa]

^ affair is temporary!? Oh god what a reason to allow a friend be cheated on! Whew, thankfully I don't have to think my friends would hide my partners affair because they think they're doing me a favor.

Guess who is to blame should the wife contract diseases? Firstly obviously the cheater second to that the "best friend" who decided the wife didn't need to know the cheater is banging around.

i am sorry girl, but how old are you?

[girl68]

68 years old.

[LailaK]

Call me an inexperienced silly little girl but my (wiser and older) mother taught me that cheaters always cheat (you can't change them). They also possibly bring disease into the home and leave their loving wives and the mother's of their children for the whores they step out with. She never once told me that cheating was just a phase.

[girl68]

^ I disagree with "always cheaters" but it certainly can happen. But disease is something to be VERY afraid of. The wife has no idea who her man is sleeping with and thus is probably having unprotected sex with him but who knows where he is sticks his dick.

[RdHrshyKss]

it's horrible to think that a woman should stay with her husband, even if he's cheating on her, just for her children. that is NOT the way you should be teaching your children to be. a woman who cares deeply for her children could try to work it out with her husband in therapy, but to keep her in the dark about her husbands cheating is a HORRIBLE idea. it's better that she know now. what happens if this guy ends up leaving them for this other woman? you think your friend will be prepared to handle the surprise of her husband leaving and also deal with how it will affect her children??? no way, it's better she know and is prepared on how to handle the situation for the sake of her children. this is all granted that she is an intelligent woman who cares deeply for her kids and won't use them as a means to keep a hold on her husband.

i watched my parents argue constantly, were not happy with each other one bit, but stayed for the sake of the kids. let me tell you, i resent that my parents stayed together, i wanted them to split! their arguing and lack of affection for each other was much worse than if they had gone their separate ways and had been happier alone or with someone else. people need to stop thinking that they should stay in abusive relationships for their children because it is an absolutely horrible idea, doing this only teaches your kids to tolerate cheating, to tolerate lying and to feel like they don't deserve better. horrible, horrible, horrible idea. your friend needs to know. who knows, maybe this is just a phase, but she should at least know about it and be able to work on it with her husband before he does something rash like leave altogether.

keeping her in the dark about it is pretty much lying to her yourself and you are supposed to be her best friend, looking in her best interest. sit her down and tell her what happened. tell her that you are there for her no matter what she decides to do and that you are there to help her with her girls need be. if she ends up denying it all and projects all her anger on you, than you know that she isn't a good friend and would rather pretend that it isn't happening than acknowledge reality. i will feel really bad for her kids if that's how she is...

[VincenzoG91]

no, no and no. affair is just a temporary phase that people go through. let it be over without hurting your friend. if you tell her now and she still stays with her husband she'll be hurt forever. it will take a huge toll on their marriage and most importantly children.

You think that an affair is just a temporary phase? Do you ignore all the posts here about cheating that has gone on for years?

You're worried about the toll on their marriage? As in, cheating is okay but honesty is bad?

You think the children would be better off getting raised by parents that don't love each other? You think that they won't be able to tell when they are teenagers, and that knowledge won't affect them negatively?

Last question: what color is the sky in your world?

[vashti]

i watched my parents argue constantly, were not happy with each other one bit, but stayed for the sake of the kids. let me tell you, i resent that my parents stayed together, i wanted them to split! their arguing and lack of affection for each other was much worse than if they had gone their separate ways and had been happier alone or with someone else. people need to stop thinking that they should stay in abusive relationships for their children because it is an absolutely horrible idea, doing this only teaches your kids to tolerate cheating, to tolerate lying and to feel like they don't deserve better.

lol

Too bad your parents weren't mature enough to keep their private business private. Arguing is a choice. Your parents could have chosen otherwise.

Also, I don't think anyone was advocating staying in an ABUSIVE relationship.

[girl68]

I would agree that sometimes divorce is better. My father and mother hated eachother. But to everyone else we were all a perfect happy little family and you wouldn't be able to tell otherwise. But the 4 of us children sure did. Had they stayed longer all it would have taught me about lasting relationships is that you grow to despise eachother. Happiness is faked, and there is not an ounce of love nor affection from either party. But it was all in our "best interests" for them to stay right? From a kids perspective no, it's not in our best interests. It's much better that my dad is happy living alone and my mother is dating to find the one she was REALLY meant to be with. Guess what? They're happy and better parents to me.

I would like to add that my parents did fight but they also hid or should I say TRIED to hide how much they hated eachother. It was pathetic. It might work when you're young but when you're a teen you KNOW when your parents don't like eachother. We're not that stupid especially since we live with them day in a day out. It was fairly easy to realize that they were not happy together.

[RdHrshyKss]

lol

Too bad your parents weren't mature enough to keep their private business private. Arguing is a choice. Your parents could have chosen otherwise.

Also, I don't think anyone was advocating staying in an ABUSIVE relationship.

first off, i take great offense to your "lol" to my comment. nothing is funny about it. secondly, i agree, my parents weren't mature and they handled their problems wrong...by staying together! third, you underestimate children's awareness of things around them. their learning from the second they are born until they are teenagers is through investigating their environment and the way that the people around them interact with each other. you're saying my parents should have stayed in an unhappy marriage and just PRETENDED to be happy? kids will definitely pick up on that. they'll see how other kids parents interact and will notice the difference.

lastly, cheating is abusive. you are lying to your spouse. could possibly be bringing in diseases to your family. i consider lying and deceit a form of emotional and mental abuse. i guess you are just too simple and think that abuse is strictly physical...

my point was that her friend should tell her what happened. if the woman still loves her husband and wants to make the marriage work, she will do what's necessary. keeping her in the dark about it is just plain stupid.

[vashti]

Yeah, whatever. You still sound young and idealistic.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, let's just ignore the young generation and continue doing the same old bullshit...that's a good answer.

maybe you should start listening to the kids who grew up with this kinda shit...they know what's better for them!

[vashti]

haha

why do you presume that people who disagree haven't experienced this?

[girl68]

Maybe she (I) is. But you guys undermine EVERYTHING that comes out of us kids who have lived in situations like this. You all say for the kids well I'm saying AS A KID it sucked hariy balls to see shitty relationships last on the account of us "kids".

Why are you laughing? That's very kind of you.

[RdHrshyKss]

you said that my personal experience sounds "young and idealistic".

i take great offense that a lot of members here think that because they are older and have kids and are married that they KNOW ALL. you prove that it is not the case. i am a young woman who lived with parents who stayed with each other for the "sake of the kids" and i am telling you that i would have much rather them separated to be happier for themselves than have stayed together being miserable. saying that just because i'm young, that my input should just be shrugged off is absurd and is the type of mindset that leads to so many people being unhappy... an intelligent, open-minded person would take in all the information possible from all possible sources to come to an educated, and well-rounded conclusion. god, i can't stand this stubborn mindset that older people have....that it's their way or no way. what's ironic is that it's so childish!