Torn.

[Junket]

Haha, my dad scrapped vietnamese culture like a bad habit.

I know very few 1st generationers that assimilated so quickly.

He owned a clothing store, drove a sports car, watched football, married twice, cheated on my mom with a young white girl, and had countless g/f's since then.

I will admit, though, my aunt and uncle were extremely strict, but their oldest son turned out to be gay, anyway.

[IndiReloaded]

Well pretty much it's over. He said that i don't care about him and i make him feel like a terrible person so....it's done. I feel like shit, i understand what he's saying because i accuse him of things i know he's not doing a lot because of my insecurities. And he says we're better off as friends for now until i change. But i don't exactly have the motivation to change unless there's someone to change for, i don't want just anybody. i want him. So he said he needs space from me so my plan is to stop contact with him, completely unless he decides to talk to me. Easy enough, i still feel like shit...it feels like i lost not only one but two ppl and feeling like it was my fault. FUkcCCCCC

Hey Bo, chin up. Don't feel guilty. He wants what you can't give him, and you are smart enough to know what he wants is unreasonable, especially for your young age. Breaking up is actually the correct solution and you shouldn't feel bad about it. You want different things, so why waste anymore time fighting each other on this?

[SirWagginston]

If I was your boyfriend I would have been pissed, too. One night together is worth at least three days together, in my opinion. I've found that sleeping with a partner really helps my insomnia, and I deeply enjoy caressing her hair until she passes out in my arms. I think the conversations you can have before bed-time are some of the best, too.

[tooxshort]

I think you're better without him ... shit, it's been how long? months? If he can't understand your difference in culture and upbringing, then it ain't worth it. I'm Asian too and I know how important it is to have your parents blessings ... It's a lot different from the American families we see on TV where people move out on their 18th birthday. We're just different.

[vashti]

Ditch him. As giga alluded to, he is engaged in a psychological battle to determine who will control you: him or your parents. You are still very young, and it's not like he can even claim you aren't meeting his sexual needs. He's a selfish dummy. You can do better.

[Bo]

3 in the morn, i decided i'd go out w/ one of my old guy friends to get my mind off things a few hours ago after i got off work and...damn i'm in psychological warp right now...how?

This is what happened....exhibit a.i went to a party w/ an old guy friend and things were going pretty well i started feeling like hey i don't need my ex and i'm ok w/ the breakup...
so one of te problems we've had is me drinking when him and i go out...not terrible just i don't pace myself and he'd hate it..

anyways so at this party i decided i'd just take a turn and observe, low-key sit back and relax..i feel like i was more comfortable doing this cuz ppl didn't have expectations from me ya kno? When him and i used to go out, i just always felt the need to to be "perfect"...so he could show everyone how great i was and the pressure was a lot for me.

The longer the night went on the more i realized how big of a wreck these girls were...i was drinkin but pacing between shots and wine coolers/beer...drama started breaking out and i noticed this girl had been drinking too much and she was with her bf, i told him we gotta get her to the bathroom before there is mess. he says " i really don't think she needs to throw up". i'm thinking i know what a girl looks like when she need to deposit some alcohol into the toilet. so he gets up and i try to help her up and get her to the restroom and bam she vomits on me. so then other girls started throwing up and it just hit me. Brian always feels like he has to take care of me..and that i don't consider his feelings.

idk...i kno i could have another guy in a sec if i wanted but...i'm wanting him back more then ever...for once i feel like a grown woman that can hold herself up. i went out thinking i gotta get all this outta my mind and i got a lot more out of it then i ever expected...i wish there was a way i could tell him thar i really understand what he's going through. last time we saw eachother was this morning, didn't end well..i left crying and he was visibly upset, idk i feel like i can move on but i'd be doing myself injustice not trying to get this relationship back together. i love the guy. i know he loves me and all this time i couldn't understand...and wow it just ****ng hit me. How much he's been there and i took it for granted because i always felt like he'd be there to take care of me. idk..i guess all i can do is wait and give it time now that it's way past due

[Raverboy808]

*gives bo a hug*

Care for a drink with that?? Dont worry things will get better.

Raverboy

[Bo]

*gives bo a hug*

Care for a drink with that?? Dont worry things will get better.

Raverboy

Thanks, idk i'm feeling just fine but i just miss him, it feels like torture not seeing him or talking to him throughout the day. He told me he doesn't want me out of his life and he wants to go back to being friends like before anything sparked between us, but i just can't handle the thought of him telling me he's dating other ppl or what not. but whatever it is, i guess i'm happy as long as he is. I'm just trying to keep myself occupied til things get figured out between us...i wish i could just fast forward to next year when i get to go on my 21st b-day vacation, i'm debating between miami, vegas, or mexico.

[Mish]

If something's not meant to be the easiest is to let it go. I think staying friends after break up would be the worst idea, it will be a lot easier to cut him out completely. If you think of yourself as a grown woman then stick up for yourself, don't undermine you by saying things like "I'm happy as long as he is". He's being unreasonable and manipulative, stick up for yourself, don't let him bully you.

[IndiReloaded]

The fact that you love him and you aren't compatible aren't separate feelings. If they were you wouldn't feel so torn about things, right?

Stick with what you know is right. Otherwise you are just dragging out the inevitable. I always viewed early breakups as doing each other a favour--also, it leaves a bridge intact if you ever interact in the future. People do grow up and priorities do change.

[Bo]

If something's not meant to be the easiest is to let it go. I think staying friends after break up would be the worst idea, it will be a lot easier to cut him out completely. If you think of yourself as a grown woman then stick up for yourself, don't undermine you by saying things like "I'm happy as long as he is". He's being unreasonable and manipulative, stick up for yourself, don't let him bully you.

Well touching on the specific issue i posed about he is being unreasonable. But this is way bigger than that...We both had a lot of faults and im just starting to realize mine.
When we talked yesterday morning...it was so god awful painful to see how much i had hurt him, i can't even explain it. I could tell he was really upset and that tears me apart.

The fact that you love him and you aren't compatible aren't separate feelings. If they were you wouldn't feel so torn about things, right?

Stick with what you know is right. Otherwise you are just dragging out the inevitable. I always viewed early breakups as doing each other a favour--also, it leaves a bridge intact if you ever interact in the future. People do grow up and priorities do change.

yeah a part of me feels like we both need space to gather our thoughts and feelings rationally without the the intense immediate emotional reactions, and i guess if we're meant to be together we will be. I want to stay friends w/ him but i find it terribly hard to look at him and not be upset at how things should be. i feel like a lot of this was my fault and it just hurts.

[Mish]

Well touching on the specific issue i posed about he is being unreasonable. But this is way bigger than that...We both had a lot of faults and im just starting to realize mine.
When we talked yesterday morning...it was so god awful painful to see how much i had hurt him, i can't even explain it. I could tell he was really upset and that tears me apart.

There's nothing that you've posted that makes me see that you have tried to hurt him at all. To me it sounds like you were reasonable and he's playing a victim to somehow paint you in the wrong so he can have a moral high ground over you. Maybe I'm missing something?

[Bo]

Well, it would just be too long to post all the details but a lot of things happened during the first few months of the relationship, no cheating or anything but just a lot of distrust was created to start off with and really erratic behavior on my part. I mentioned before that i'll accuse him of doing things and when we talked he was talking about how that makes him feel so horrible. That he didn't wanna be with me if he was hurting me as much as i said he was. I could tell that a lot of the things i've said had taken a bad affect on him and ugh...it just leaves me with a gut wrenching feeling...

[Mish]

That he didn't wanna be with me if he was hurting me as much as i said he was.

That sounds like a classic "It's not you it's me" line out of the relationship. I wouldn't torture myself about something that happened at the start if I were you. If it was that horrible he wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. He's on his way out, so don't give him a second thought, just let him go.

[Bo]

That sounds like a classic "It's not you it's me" line out of the relationship. I wouldn't torture myself about something that happened at the start if I were you. If it was that horrible he wouldn't have stayed with you for so long. He's on his way out, so don't give him a second thought, just let him go.

i really don't know if i can, and why the hell do i feel disgusted when other guys flirt with me? I've been talking to more ppl the last couple days and every time a guy flirts with me, i just feel repulsed....