Defiant, Demanding, and Disruptive children ruining a relationship!

[misombra]

maybe you should try some anti depressants and anti anxiety medications to make you feel better about the kids and the whole situation. maybe you're the one who needs medication.

[elrod071]

that is like saying that if you had a condition and someone told me that i should take the meds for it. doesn't make any sense......

[Kelsey777]

Disruptive behavior doesn't need meds. It needs discipline....taking away privelages..time outs....grounding them...etc. Your gf either has to do that...or you have to leave if you have no say. A parent needs to be strong and consistent. A lot of therapists will put children on meds for anything...anything at all. Also, the way an individual raises children often reflects how he or she was raised...I wouldnt doubt your girlfriend was a disruptive child as well. A lot of children and adults are also labeled bi-polar (manic-depressive), when they are not. Bipolar or Manic depressive disorder is characterized by two distinct phases....the manic phase...(ex. a manic individual can call every person up in the phone book and not sleep for a week) and a depressive cycle....(tons of sleeping, overeating...apathy). Many people diagnosed with the disorder do not have it. Why do therapists diagnose it so quickly. Money!!
Medication can be helpful...but only in extreme situations. Disruptive behavior disorder sounds made up to me...its basically saying you don't need to discipline your chidlren....just give them pills and all will be fine. That is warped thinking my friend.

If you want to make it with your girlfriend...she needs to alter her parenting drastically, the old fashioned way: Rewards/ Consequences. She needs to examine how she was parented...and see how that has affected her....then analyze her approach and Change it. I don't know if she has the drive to do that...and if she doesnt...you should leave.

[IndiReloaded]

It is extremely unlike that ALL her kids require medication. I could perhaps see your point if we were discussing one child, who might have ADHD or some other issue. It happens. But not with all of them. The problem is behavioural, not physiological.

But, I think you are right and we are wrong. Hmmm. Awful lot of experts on this board...

Good luck. Either way, drugs or not, if your being there is increasing the problem, you need to go.

[lastwish]

Wow. You DO sound like an asshole. Kids will be kids and they don't need to be medicated unless they are genuinely diagnosed with a disorder that needs to be treated. Maybe you should have some patience if you really want to part of this family (which is something you must accept if you want to be with this woman).

[elrod071]

lastwish-thanks! why do i sound like an asshole. the 8 and 3 year old think they are adults when it comes to running the show. everything is a problem, arguement, fight, lie, drawn out ordeal, or massive temper tantrum ALL DAY LONG! Why am I an asshole if I'm tired of this crap after two year. you go ahead smarts ass and explain that one to me! you sound like an asshole! F/O! You talk about patience? Two years is patient enough! Whatever, run your mouth........

[elrod071]

It is extremely unlike that ALL her kids require medication. I could perhaps see your point if we were discussing one child, who might have ADHD or some other issue. It happens. But not with all of them. The problem is behavioural, not physiological.

But, I think you are right and we are wrong. Hmmm. Awful lot of experts on this board...

Good luck. Either way, drugs or not, if your being there is increasing the problem, you need to go.

who said that i was increasing the problem? it was a problem before i even met her!

[lastwish]

You are an asshole because you are complaining about a situation you choose to stay in. Leave if you are so tired of this.

[elrod071]

Now this is the kind of reply that is sensible and thank you! Some others are saying I'm an asshole, ect. I didn't even do anything. I almost think some of them probably have kids with these probs i'm describing and it just makes them mad to hear what it's like for someone that is misserable due to it. whatever, anyhow......yes, my gf is borderline bi polar. her stepfather was very mean to her for nine years and the docs told her that is why she is that way. I do catch her being inconsistant in punishments. when the oldest kid 8, is told to be quiet durring an arguement with his mom, he will not listen and continue after 5 to 10 ten times told to stop talking. he will not listen until he finishes everything he has to say and always has to have the last word. those episodes always end up with him throwing a bloody murder screaming fit stomping back the hallway, punching walls, telling his mom he hates her. she'll then put him to bed early. for the next two to four hours afterward, he will come out of the bedroom anywhere from 5 to almost 20 times with fake aches and pains (mom this is wrong or that is wrong), or i need a drink and so on with whever phony excuse he can do to buy an extra 5 minutes out of bed.

the youngest is just like the oldest except even more defiant. i'm on the couch sitting down, he goes " you're in my seat". i said "oh". he looks at me with this blank dazed look on his face and says "yeah, get out of it". I said what? and again he said the same thing. and he meant it. talking to me like he's completely not afraid of me and he's the adult. he chokes the family dog and i've looked at photos of him with a cat...guess what? he's behind the cat with his hands arrond the neck of the cat (squeezing) with an evil look on his face. i've caught him four times smashing the little dog over the head with toys, hurting the dog. told his mom about it and I yelled at him! doesn't make a diff next time he still does it. caught him pressing his finger into the poor dog's eye, I caught him just in time or the dog would have been in serious pain.

The oldest was on his bike one day about 300 feet from his home. annouces out loud that he is going to run the little white dog over with his bike. guess what? he does it.....his own UNCLE witnessed it and told the boy's mother. Did she do anything? no! she told me that he's a good hearted kid. (evnen though i know my kid is bad, he can do no wrong type of attitude). anyhow, the dog had a limp for several days and she could have been slammed with a vet bill if the owner of the dog wanted to press the issue. Good hearted kids don't intentionally run peoples pets over and choke harmless animals. that's common sense to anyone! These kids seem to have an evil nature, which their father does have also. The oldest will also do things like spit into food that everyone is going to eat (hot dogs), poop in the toilet and never flushes after being reminded to do so, walk arround in his underwear all day long- even going outside, argue with his mom about every little thing possible...everything is a problem, constantly try to physically harm his brother when he believes that nobody is looking and then totally lies about what he did when we tell him that we saw what he just did, has the nobody tells me what to do attitude and that he is "your hinus", just like his Dad, the "your hinus" attitude.

[elrod071]

Now this is the kind of reply that is sensible and thank you! Some others are saying I'm an asshole, ect. I didn't even do anything. I almost think some of them probably have kids with these probs i'm describing and it just makes them mad to hear what it's like for someone that is misserable due to it. whatever, anyhow......yes, my gf is borderline bi polar. her stepfather was very mean to her for nine years and the docs told her that is why she is that way. I do catch her being inconsistant in punishments. when the oldest kid 8, is told to be quiet durring an arguement with his mom, he will not listen and continue after 5 to 10 ten times told to stop talking. he will not listen until he finishes everything he has to say and always has to have the last word. those episodes always end up with him throwing a bloody murder screaming fit stomping back the hallway, punching walls, telling his mom he hates her. she'll then put him to bed early. for the next two to four hours afterward, he will come out of the bedroom anywhere from 5 to almost 20 times with fake aches and pains (mom this is wrong or that is wrong), or i need a drink and so on with whever phony excuse he can do to buy an extra 5 minutes out of bed.

the youngest is just like the oldest except even more defiant. i'm on the couch sitting down, he goes " you're in my seat". i said "oh". he looks at me with this blank dazed look on his face and says "yeah, get out of it". I said what? and again he said the same thing. and he meant it. talking to me like he's completely not afraid of me and he's the adult. he chokes the family dog and i've looked at photos of him with a cat...guess what? he's behind the cat with his hands arrond the neck of the cat (squeezing) with an evil look on his face. i've caught him four times smashing the little dog over the head with toys, hurting the dog. told his mom about it and I yelled at him! doesn't make a diff next time he still does it. caught him pressing his finger into the poor dog's eye, I caught him just in time or the dog would have been in serious pain.

The oldest was on his bike one day about 300 feet from his home. annouces out loud that he is going to run the little white dog over with his bike. guess what? he does it.....his own UNCLE witnessed it and told the boy's mother. Did she do anything? no! she told me that he's a good hearted kid. (evnen though i know my kid is bad, he can do no wrong type of attitude). anyhow, the dog had a limp for several days and she could have been slammed with a vet bill if the owner of the dog wanted to press the issue. Good hearted kids don't intentionally run peoples pets over and choke harmless animals. that's common sense to anyone! These kids seem to have an evil nature, which their father does have also. The oldest will also do things like spit into food that everyone is going to eat (hot dogs), poop in the toilet and never flushes after being reminded to do so, walk arround in his underwear all day long- even going outside, argue with his mom about every little thing possible...everything is a problem, constantly try to physically harm his brother when he believes that nobody is looking and then totally lies about what he did when we tell him that we saw what he just did, has the nobody tells me what to do attitude and that he is "your hinus", just like his Dad, the "your hinus" attitude.

[elrod071]

Disruptive behavior doesn't need meds. It needs discipline....taking away privelages..time outs....grounding them...etc. Your gf either has to do that...or you have to leave if you have no say. A parent needs to be strong and consistent. A lot of therapists will put children on meds for anything...anything at all. Also, the way an individual raises children often reflects how he or she was raised...I wouldnt doubt your girlfriend was a disruptive child as well. A lot of children and adults are also labeled bi-polar (manic-depressive), when they are not. Bipolar or Manic depressive disorder is characterized by two distinct phases....the manic phase...(ex. a manic individual can call every person up in the phone book and not sleep for a week) and a depressive cycle....(tons of sleeping, overeating...apathy). Many people diagnosed with the disorder do not have it. Why do therapists diagnose it so quickly. Money!!
Medication can be helpful...but only in extreme situations. Disruptive behavior disorder sounds made up to me...its basically saying you don't need to discipline your chidlren....just give them pills and all will be fine. That is warped thinking my friend.

If you want to make it with your girlfriend...she needs to alter her parenting drastically, the old fashioned way: Rewards/ Consequences. She needs to examine how she was parented...and see how that has affected her....then analyze her approach and Change it. I don't know if she has the drive to do that...and if she doesnt...you should leave.

Now this is the kind of reply that is sensible and thank you! Some others are saying I'm an asshole, ect. I didn't even do anything. I almost think some of them probably have kids with these probs i'm describing and it just makes them mad to hear what it's like for someone that is misserable due to it. whatever, anyhow......yes, my gf is borderline bi polar. her stepfather was very mean to her for nine years and the docs told her that is why she is that way. I do catch her being inconsistant in punishments. when the oldest kid 8, is told to be quiet durring an arguement with his mom, he will not listen and continue after 5 to 10 ten times told to stop talking. he will not listen until he finishes everything he has to say and always has to have the last word. those episodes always end up with him throwing a bloody murder screaming fit stomping back the hallway, punching walls, telling his mom he hates her. she'll then put him to bed early. for the next two to four hours afterward, he will come out of the bedroom anywhere from 5 to almost 20 times with fake aches and pains (mom this is wrong or that is wrong), or i need a drink and so on with whever phony excuse he can do to buy an extra 5 minutes out of bed.

the youngest is just like the oldest except even more defiant. i'm on the couch sitting down, he goes " you're in my seat". i said "oh". he looks at me with this blank dazed look on his face and says "yeah, get out of it". I said what? and again he said the same thing. and he meant it. talking to me like he's completely not afraid of me and he's the adult. he chokes the family dog and i've looked at photos of him with a cat...guess what? he's behind the cat with his hands arrond the neck of the cat (squeezing) with an evil look on his face. i've caught him four times smashing the little dog over the head with toys, hurting the dog. told his mom about it and I yelled at him! doesn't make a diff next time he still does it. caught him pressing his finger into the poor dog's eye, I caught him just in time or the dog would have been in serious pain.

The oldest was on his bike one day about 300 feet from his home. annouces out loud that he is going to run the little white dog over with his bike. guess what? he does it.....his own UNCLE witnessed it and told the boy's mother. Did she do anything? no! she told me that he's a good hearted kid. (evnen though i know my kid is bad, he can do no wrong type of attitude). anyhow, the dog had a limp for several days and she could have been slammed with a vet bill if the owner of the dog wanted to press the issue. Good hearted kids don't intentionally run peoples pets over and choke harmless animals. that's common sense to anyone! These kids seem to have an evil nature, which their father does have also. The oldest will also do things like spit into food that everyone is going to eat (hot dogs), poop in the toilet and never flushes after being reminded to do so, walk arround in his underwear all day long- even going outside, argue with his mom about every little thing possible...everything is a problem, constantly try to physically harm his brother when he believes that nobody is looking and then totally lies about what he did when we tell him that we saw what he just did, has the nobody tells me what to do attitude and that he is "your hinus", just like his Dad, the "your hinus" attitude.

[vashti]

. everything is a problem, arguement, fight, lie, drawn out ordeal, or massive temper tantrum ALL DAY LONG!

hmm..... I wonder where they heard this before?

[elrod071]

You are an asshole because you are complaining about a situation you choose to stay in. Leave if you are so tired of this.

no, i want the kids' behavior to get straightened out and be with the woman that i love. instead of calling me names, tell me how to you would go about trying to make it work?

[elrod071]

hmm..... I wonder where they heard this before?

you see, i'm on here looking for help and this is the kind of garbage i get to read. thanks a ton! please don't reply if you can't help.......

[vashti]

You don't want help. You want to be right.

EDIT: But I do find it interesting how you keep raising the bar in an effort to make us all jump to your defense. I am looking forward to the part where the kids get to have devil's horns growing out of their head. And for the record, when my boy was 3, he picked my daughter up by the neck, too..... to KISS her. A three year old doesn't understand when they are being dangerous. Nice try, though.