nice guys finish last

[VincenzoG91]

A lot of women are attracted to a guy who is assertive. Younger women often mistake aggressive behavior for assertive behavior. You can be assertive and still be nice.

[bluesummer]

I absolutely agree with Vincenzo. Most younger girls can't different 'assertive' from 'asshole', so they usually end up with a jerk.

Most girls really don't want bad boys. Getting into trouble and having an ego and just being an all-around prick aren't attractive traits. The perfect man is sweet and kind, but also has balls. Meaning he can stand up for himself, he goes after the things he wants in life, and isn't afraid to be himself. That's sexy, as long as it doesn't turn into an ego problem.

Nice guys that are pushovers, that can't stand up for themselves and allow their friends (and moms!) and gf's to lead them around by the nose are the quintessential 'nice guy' that women dread. He may be sweet, but it's because he absolutely DREADS offending you in any way because he's absolutely terrified you'll get mad at him. He probably lives in romantic la-la land.

[ecojeanne]

look, a guy can be nice but the problem is that some guys are tooooo fckin nice, we don't want another version of a girlfriend, we want a proper man. a person who has the guts to disagree with us. end of.

[vashti]

hello ecojeanne. Nice to see you back.

[nerdy_guy]

The difference between a nice guy and an asshole?

The asshole "thinks" he's a real man and the only thing that stands erect is his dick (This is also what he uses to think. Think how much gray matter you can squeeze into it).

The nice guy acts as a "real man" and not only his dick stands erect but also his spine.

[xxazurexx]

hmmm, I guess perhaps we do get bored of men who bow to our every whim. I'm imagining being with a guy who licked my arse constantly. Even if I liked him a lot, I'd sharp grow bored and if he was one of those guys who was 'sickly sweet' and who fawned over me and agreed with everything I said. I prefer a man who has his own mind and who isn't afraid to stand up to me.

I can imagine the OP and his friends to be trying to hard to impress this 'hot' female. Being all nicey nice with her, going overboard with the compliments and just generally coming across like a set of 'lovesick puppies'. No wonder she's running in the opposite direction, lol

[Mish]

I think that the key to being attractive to women is not trying to be attractive, not showing too much interest in her, being self centered and don't give a F about what anyone else thinks/feels

I think you've got the jist of it, but I have a feeling that you don't yet understand why. So let me break it down for you.

Why it's not good to be overly concerned with looking attractive:

This is a feminine quality which is just not very attractive to majority of women. Having a good taste and dressing smart = good. Spending a rediculous amount of time next to a mirror and constantly obsessing of how your looks are like to the opposite sex = big turn off.

Why it's not good to show too much interest in her:

Hi my name is Tom, What do you like? I ask because I really really really want to like what you like? I am like you biggest fan and you mean the world to me. I don't really know you, but my world revolves around you already and your word is my command. Just tell me what you like, I really really want to like what you like.

Now read the sentence above a couple of times and tell me what would you think of a guy who came up to you and said something like this? Loser? Pathetic? I don't want to put the words into your mouth, but whatever it is, I think you would agree that this is not a very nice impression and it turns off way more than it attracts.

Most people would agree that being self centered is not very nice, but the problem with some shy guys is just that they are not very self confident. So, you may ask, why is it so bad to not be self confident:

Confidence in general shows that you are brave, that you are not scared of challenges and you are ready to meet them head on. Where as shyness often hides a huge insecurity. I can't talk to her, what if she thinks bad of me? What will I do if she rejects me? OH NO, I might get rejected? And what will I do if she rejects me and everyone will laugh at me? They will all point their fingers at me and laugh and laugh and call me such a failure! I don't think I can handle this!!! My world would collapse completely if that happened, I just can't do it.

Tell me, is that^ really attractive?

I think most people would recognise that those who don't care about other people's feelings are pretty shallow. But what's the opposite quality that some shy guys have that turn women off? It's the unbelievable, spew worthy clinginess. So, what's so bad about being clingy:

You ever been next to someone who always needs to be reminded (like every 5 minutes) that they need you near them to protect them. Babies often display those kinds of qualities, when they cry if their parents walks away. And that kind of behaviour is understandable when you are a parent. It's less understandable when you are a fully grown adult and are still showing this degree of desperation and needines and force your potential partner into the role of a caregiver. I can't begin to describe how revolting this is, seeing qualities like that in a fully grown adult. You know, I'm a guy and body shivers even at the idea of meeting someone like that. Wouldn't you be repulsed as well?

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is there is a fine line between the hypothetical nice guy and an insecure, obsessive, clingy, cowardly infant in an adult's body. While being an arrogant loser is pretty bad, being this is just down right repulsive. And is it really any wonder that a lot of women despise this?

Now, if you are unfortunate enough to display any of the above signs, the answer for you in turn is not to do a 180 and become the complete opposite to this, but get an idea of balance. Ask yourself how much is the right degree of confidence which is enough to show you are self sufficient, but at the same time not too much that you become excessive? Ask yourself how much is the right level of concern that you can describe yourself as caring, but at the same time not too much that you become a clingtomaniac monster? This is not as simple as nice guys vs bad guys, this may work in a song, but in real life it's all about balance. Master this and you can be with any girl you want. Though, when you mature up to this point, your next question will be which girl is most right for you and which one should be avoided even if she shows interest in you.

[Raze]

Agreed. Thanks all for the posts! I had to thank a lot of these because I completely agree. I know I have used that nice guy excuse. It's really not a bad thing to be nice. I'd rather be nice than be a complete jerk. No one likes a jerk. Not even jerks like jerks. Not even bitches like bitches. Unless, they have some personality disorder and love being treated like shit. Then again, why would you want anyone who is like that?

You need to learn to be more assertive. Do things that you like and that you think the girl will like. You have to be a man! You shouldn't bow down to someone. You're going to bow down to a woman just so you can have sex with her? What kind of logic is that? Women see through that. It's kind of like agreeing with everything they say. How boring is that? That's what being your so called nice is - being an emotional zombie. Nodding your head at everything she says.

Be yourself! Don't be a jerk! If you're nice, be nice but also be a leader. Show a woman that you can lead the way for her if she needs you too. You're being too dependent on the woman I think.

Bohoo! She rejected me! So what? If she doesn't like you for you then you're better off. Saves you a lot of misery.