unfaithfulness and long distance

[cheeze_guy]

Are there such things as "one time offenders?"

ya the first time you do it you are a one time offender lol after that it's because you liked it the first time...

[girl68]

Yeah, there are... but you said so yourself you will never be able to trust him again.

[lilxcutie53]

yeah, if trust is going to be an issue then its probably not worth it. most of the time people who cheat feel really guilty and for awhile they put a lot of effort into a relationship, but once they realize they got away with it their efforts fade. I dunno..I would give him another chance..just because you found out that he decided he was doing the wrong thing, but if u found out that he starts talking to her again..then I would bring it up.

[cymyu]

yeah, if trust is going to be an issue then its probably not worth it. most of the time people who cheat feel really guilty and for awhile they put a lot of effort into a relationship, but once they realize they got away with it their efforts fade. I dunno..I would give him another chance..just because you found out that he decided he was doing the wrong thing, but if u found out that he starts talking to her again..then I would bring it up.

He has been putting in a lot of effort now that I think about it. Him and this girl have been good friends for a really long time. They live in different cities and I met her a few times. By the sounds of his emails they decided their friendship was more important than any of this and wish to remain in contact. I want to give him another chance but I don't want to snoop around his emails anymore. Should I put full trust in this or am I making a huge mistake?

[cheeze_guy]

taking a risk can be a mistake or a blessing but no matter what it is a learning experience. so no matter what you choose to do learn from it

[Gigabitch]

Asia for a year? I think that's a recipe for disaster. I think you should gracefully end this relationship, leaving the possibility of getting together again someday open.

It sounds to me like he and this "friend" of his have something that needs to be explored. I think this is going to happen whether or not you break up with him, because you are simply not there to meet his needs and he's getting them met by her. I don't think your relationship can take a whole year of you being away, and there she is, just waiting in the wings. I don't buy this whole thing about their friendship being more important. Friends don't kiss each other.

If you were going to be back in his every day life soon, it would be one thing, but you're not.

[cymyu]

He was offered a job in Asia with me and we would have been sharing an apartment and spending this next year together but unfortunately they were not able to grant him a working visa so this is why we are back in long distance mode. This friend of his doesn't live in the same city as him. One year IS a really long time and I have my apprehensions, we talked about it and he thinks it can work and wants it to work. However, I think maybe this issue needs to be in the open, so that he knows that it's not something I'm OK with. If he knows that I'll leave if it happens again, maybe it will make him realize he made a huge mistake.....but at the same time, what if he already learned his lesson by making the decision to end things with her......I don't know.....

[nerdy_guy]

I believe that he never told you because he DID fix it by himself before it got worse. If he told you, it would be like saying "Hey I broke something very valuable that belongs to you, but its okay now since I glued it back together". Of course, that would result in you freaking over something that is already fixed. Most people can't survive LDRs, they're only for people who don't have trust issues AND for people who hides nothing. You'll have to have a very strong heart and mind just to keep it afloat, never mind the rest of the stuff that comes along with it.

[IndiReloaded]

Even if this relationship survives the kissing incident, it's unrealistic to expect it to survive your year in Asia. This is too much long distance in a shaky relationship.

This^, I agree.

Are there such things as "one time offenders?"

No. You are just looking for an excuse to ignore what he's done. Cheating has nothing to do with being in LDR. Its to do with his personality and lack of integrity. Doesn't matter if he's sleeping beside you or 1000 miles away.

[hello1]

My sister has been in this situation! she looked on her boyfriend face book, of course without him knowing! and she found out he kissed another girl but afterwards regretted it and refused to meet up with the girl again. She like you, chose to forgive him and decided not to bring it up. But it really did kill her inside and it did finally come out and she told her b/f. You looking at his emails means nothing compared to what he has done so don't worry about that. You have to tell him, he needs to know how close he may been to losing someone he really loved then you will feel better and you can both move on from it. Look my sister tried the keep quiet act too for ages and it does not work. It isn't fair on you.

[cymyu]

My sister has been in this situation! she looked on her boyfriend face book, of course without him knowing! and she found out he kissed another girl but afterwards regretted it and refused to meet up with the girl again. She like you, chose to forgive him and decided not to bring it up. But it really did kill her inside and it did finally come out and she told her b/f. You looking at his emails means nothing compared to what he has done so don't worry about that. You have to tell him, he needs to know how close he may been to losing someone he really loved then you will feel better and you can both move on from it. Look my sister tried the keep quiet act too for ages and it does not work. It isn't fair on you.

Thank you for your sister's story. I think you're right, even if I do forgive him I have to bring it out in the open or else it will destroy me inside. I already is. Did your sister and her boyfriend end up staying together?? Did he ever cheat on her again??

[hello1]

Thank you for your sister's story. I think you're right, even if I do forgive him I have to bring it out in the open or else it will destroy me inside. I already is. Did your sister and her boyfriend end up staying together?? Did he ever cheat on her again??

Yes they are still together. No I do not believe he has cheated again but my sister made it very clear too him their relationship would be over if he did. She told me that if she felt this bad over a kiss, she wouldn't be able to forgive if he had sex with another woman. Once she told him, she stopped being so torn up inside and could move on from it and he obviously didn't have the secret.

[Gigabitch]

I once snooped, found proof I was being lied to and confronted him immediately, but we weren't long distance at the time. This changes things, IMO.