Havent made love for over 3 weeks but she says she still loves me

[girl68]

Is she one of THOSE girls: "I can't get it MY way, so I don't want it at all so there." Seriously she needs to grow up. Assuming she's a woman of your age this is PATHETIC.

You really need to start getting the point across to her. It's about communication and work. If she is truely unwilling to hear you out, help you, work on it, suggest things and deal with some success and some failure rid of her- she's not relationship quality. Wouldn't you agree?

Honestly I truthfully can relate to the hurt feelings by not being able to make him cum. I totally understand however I'm not a whining little child about it! I listen to him explain to me- sometimes it happens, it's not my fault (I DO foreplay) and he 100% finds me attractive. I don't huff and puff and refuse sex. I listen to him, understand, ask if he wants, needs or craves anything. She is not doing any of that or attempting.

Stubborn or not stand your ground, MAKE her listen. Explain how you WANT to help and work on this issue WITH her.

One more thing: How exactly does sex go when it does happen- does she even attempt to arouse you?

[RdHrshyKss]

But its important I ask the following:

1. Assume once again I am horny and ready for it to make love to her again, how can I initiate it or make the move to her to make love to her. Reason why I am asking this is because last time (bout 2 weeks ago) when I tried to do it she refused and said to me she doesnt want to have sex anymore cause she gets upset when I cant come, and this really hurt me alot. I mean she has to be fair on me as well and give me a fair go if not give both of us a fair go and not ignore the situation.

ok, first off, that is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. she said she didn't want to have sex anymore because you aren't coming? how would abolishing sex altogether help you or her in any way? next time she tries giving you some lame excuse like that, i'd point out the flaws in her logic and ask her to explain how not having sex would solve anything. and i'd put my foot down and say, "well i'm not interested in staying in a relationship with someone who thinks that not having sex is ok". both her needs and your needs should be met and you both need to come to some kind of arrangement on how you will work together to find a balance. if it means you not masturbating as often, fine. but she should also make the effort to try to initiate more. if you are the one always initiating then it's time you cut that down too. don't cut it out completely, but try initiating once or twice a week. let her do it the rest of the time. and after a few weeks, if the only times you have had sex is when you've initiated, then i would sit her down and talk to her again...tell her that she needs to start making the effort as well or you are out of there. the intimacy in your relationship should involve efforts on both parts, not just you. if she isn't making the effort, then it tells me that she isn't interested enough to try.

second, i would point out that her saying things like that is detrimental to your relationship. saying something like that is a complete smack in the face. her having that negative kind of attitude the moment you start coming onto her contributes to the overall problem. let her know that the problem isn't completely your problem. that she is equally involved and is making matters worse with her attitude. there are plenty of other factors besides for excessive masturbation that could lead to someone not being able to ejaculate...stress, fatigue, pressure, etc. she needs to respect that you are a human being, not a robot, and that you aren't going to come every single time...that's life, she needs to deal with it.

third, as far as how to initiate with her. it completely depends from girl to girl. since she is your girlfriend, you would know best on what turns her on, what gets her going. one suggestion that i would give you (that i think applies to a lot of women) is to not start initiating the moment you want to have sex. it takes a little longer for a girl to get fully turned on/aroused. girls like to be wooed and seduced, so expect that the initiating phase might start even a couple of hours before you have sex. plan a romantic night. take her out somewhere, be a gentleman (open her car door, help her out of the car, hold her hand, rub her shoulders, give her nice kisses on the cheek or the neck every now and then, but don't imply "i want to have sex right now" when you do these things. make her feel like you are doing it because you want to make her happy (which you should be doing it for that reason anyways). after all of that emotional foreplay, she might even be the one to initiate the actual sex. yes, it's a bit of a mind game, but girls like that type of assurance, that type of romantic form of emotional assurance will turn a girl on way more than anything physical. that's just my two cents. but like i said before, you know your girlfriend better than anyone else on this forum, so try to incorporate the things that you do or say that make her feel really good and spend the evening making her feel that way. i'm pretty certain it will get her into the right mood for some boom boom later.

[Albinoni]

Let me add some honest points here:

How we have sex and serious.

I'ss start kissing her slowly, passionately, this will get her arroused etc. Than i will play and suck on her nipples, play with her breasts and it will drive her wild, slowly i would go down on her and give her cuuninlingus or felatio, this would drive her more mad, than once shes wound up wet and horny out comes the condom, on my penis and its bang bang missionary position, within 3 or so mins shes alredy come, and i'm still pumping away, before I know it she's dry and I slowly get soft but alot of times i do tend to stay hard.

But is there any foreplay from her side to me, No.

She said ususally the man has got within4 mins to come and if he doesnt than thats it and the penis will get soft.

I have talked to her or tried and she's stubborn, wont listen ohhh no its all my fault, excuses like shes not attractive to me, she's given me many chances (crap !!) basically simply put it she wont allow me to voice my part or opinion.

Does she arouse me, as in ? I bought her some very nice preety lingerie even a nice one from the USA from Australia and shes worn it for me 3 times or so. Her excuse was its too cold etc (yes its winter here now) but really is that just an excuse.

And yet everyday without fail she tells me that she loves me, misses me and want to be with me forever.

There has been times before when we were in bed and I wanted to make love to her she avoided me with excuses like I've got headache, sore back, sore arm, tired etc etc. Ok maybe its true maybe not.

Next time she sends me an sms I will say to her 'actions speak louder than words"

[IncognitoSir]

Let me add some honest points here:

How we have sex and serious.


But is there any foreplay from her side to me, No.

She said ususally the man has got within4 mins to come and if he doesnt than thats it and the penis will get soft.

I have talked to her or tried and she's stubborn, wont listen ohhh no its all my fault, excuses like shes not attractive to me, she's given me many chances (crap !!) basically simply put it she wont allow me to voice my part or opinion.

Does she arouse me, as in ? I bought her some very nice preety lingerie even a nice one from the USA from Australia and shes worn it for me 3 times or so. Her excuse was its too cold etc (yes its winter here now) but really is that just an excuse.

And yet everyday without fail she tells me that she loves me, misses me and want to be with me forever.

There has been times before when we were in bed and I wanted to make love to her she avoided me with excuses like I've got headache, sore back, sore arm, tired etc etc. Ok maybe its true maybe not.

Next time she sends me an sms I will say to her 'actions speak louder than words"

4 minutes to bust!? Hell no, after 4 minutes my lil man is still on the rise and the best is yes to cum. lol, she's a trip. You need to talk to her and let her know it's not ALL about her. yoy have needs as well. Damn, she's not even giving you time. You might need to get some lube. Did you get that PM yet or what?

[girl68]

But is there any foreplay from her side to me, No.

She said ususally the man has got within4 mins to come and if he doesnt than thats it and the penis will get soft.

I have talked to her or tried and she's stubborn, wont listen ohhh no its all my fault, excuses like shes not attractive to me, she's given me many chances (crap !!) basically simply put it she wont allow me to voice my part or opinion.

Does she arouse me, as in ? I bought her some very nice preety lingerie even a nice one from the USA from Australia and shes worn it for me 3 times or so. Her excuse was its too cold etc (yes its winter here now) but really is that just an excuse.

And yet everyday without fail she tells me that she loves me, misses me and want to be with me forever.

There has been times before when we were in bed and I wanted to make love to her she avoided me with excuses like I've got headache, sore back, sore arm, tired etc etc. Ok maybe its true maybe not.

Next time she sends me an sms I will say to her 'actions speak louder than words"

How does the woman keep ANY man around how stupidly selfish no freaking wonder you don't cum- how can you!? She's should be insecure- she is totally horrid in bed!

You: get some god damn lube and use it!
Her: if she doesn't have a dick she can't tell YOU how long it takes YOUR dick to get soft.

This woman does not sound like a keeper in any way. I'm mid 20's and I handle myself a helluva lot more gorwn up than she is. Pathetic that you stand for dealing with this.

[RdHrshyKss]

sounds like she has her own issues and is in denial about it. it's easier for her to put all the blame on you so that she doesn't have to do anything differently. since i don't know much about your relationship's history, there is no way to pinpoint what the underlying cause is for her lack of effort in bed.

couple questions:
1. is she on birth control?
2. does she suffer from any type of depression or is she a very self-conscious person? does she spend a lot of time concerning herself with the way other people perceive her?

hormonal imbalances are very common, and if that is the case, birth control can help balance a woman's hormones a lot. so if she isn't on birth control i would suggest telling her to look into it.

self-esteem issues might also make it difficult for her to feel comfortable sexually. it could also be a reason that she is staying with you and saying how much she loves you etc. she might feel comfortable in her relationship with you and would rather stick it out with you (even if it means not being sexually satisfied) just to avoid being alone or having to put all the energy into starting a relationship with someone else. it is also a very common issue for both men and women. they avoid the truth and stick it out in crappy, incompatible relationships because they are too afraid to be alone.

this is what i'm getting from your description of your sex life:
step 1 - you kiss her and fondle her breasts
step 2 - you pleasure her orally
step 3 - you have sex missionary style
step 4 - she comes
step 5 - you set your watch timer to 4 minutes and speed screw until you come, otherwise you're out of luck

nothing you wrote mentioned her doing anything to pleasure you besides for wearing lingerie a couple times. sounds like this girl has a very selfish/narcissistic mentality...how is it fair for her to expect you to make all this effort pleasuring her and getting her aroused, but she isn't willing to make any effort herself? you should start getting pissed off at her, and telling her that it upsets you that she comes so quickly and in only one position. tell her that you don't appreciate the fact that she doesn't do anything to please you, and that you are just going to stop pleasing her. let her experience for herself how such pressures will affect her overall sexual satisfaction and ability to get aroused naturally.

i'm sorry, but this girl sounds like a complete tard. if i were you, i'd sit her down and force her to listen to you. tell her that you have some things you need to get off your chest and that it would mean a lot to you if she would just shut her trap and actually listen. if after you talk to her, (explaining what it is you are going to work on and suggesting things that she could work on) she still plays her little blame game and does nothing, i'd pack my stuff and go. she's not worth your time or energy.

[Albinoni]

4 minutes to bust!? Hell no, after 4 minutes my lil man is still on the rise and the best is yes to cum. lol, she's a trip. You need to talk to her and let her know it's not ALL about her. yoy have needs as well. Damn, she's not even giving you time. You might need to get some lube. Did you get that PM yet or what?

Yes got it, thanks alot. Can I buy it from Pharmacy ?

[RdHrshyKss]

this whole natural supplement thing might help keep your penis hard, but it isn't going to solve your problems. the real problem is your girlfriend's attitude towards sex. if my boyfriend had an attitude like that (where he made sex seem more like a chore and my responsibility) there's no way i'd be able to come either. i think the solution is to either have your gf start putting an effort into your sex life, or finding a different partner altogether. don't put all your hopes into this supplement. i'm not saying to not try it, if anything it'll make sex slightly better for you, but don't expect it to be the answer.

[IncognitoSir]

Probably not, more likely to be somewhere like GNC or that sort.

[Albinoni]

I dont mean to come to this forum to backstab people as in my gf as no matter what I do love this girl/lady very much and deep down in my heart she means so much to me and I know she does love me too as she tells me that everyday infact more than once everyday, but telling me is one thing, making love and having understanding for me and doing it both together is another thing, as the famous saying goes "action speaks louder than words". Everything else in our relationship is perfect, we get along well, if we go out for dinner, lunch, coffee we share the costs, sometimes I will pay for her and sometimes she'll pay for me. But its only our sex (yes that means both me and her and more her understanding too) that needs polishing up.

Also I know ex or previous relationships and boyfriends have been rotten, arseholes or idiots who simpply used and abused her, borrowed money off her never payed her back, and traeted her like crap. I;'m the only man that has come into ther life, helped her out, changed things for her, give her confidence and security and do alot for her. I really do alot and have done alot for this girl, who knows prob too much, I bend over backwards for her, cook for her now and again, comfort her if she's ever feeling upset or down, treat her like a lady, ocasionally will buy her a bouquet of roses or preety flowers, nice french perfume for her B'day etc etc etc, I have alot of love and respect for her, and when ever she wants some breathing space I give it too her.

I really just want the best for both of us here especially our love and sex life and for that to not ruin this relationship. Also I hope that she realises that it takes two to tango and this realtionship is not all about her and just her and thats it, because at the end of the day I want both of us to fullfill this.

Some point and changes I am going to make re this relationship and for your advice here, feel free to comment:

1. Everyday its me or lets say 6/7 days its me that always contacts her in the morning to say hello see how she is etc etc, should I cut back on this and mak it less frequent. They say " absence makes the heart grow stronger"

2. Should I sometimes learn to say No to her, eg if she asks me out for coffee or lunch than to say Yes all the time?

3. Should I play the hard to get game, I dont mean to completely ignore her but more so to back off a bit and let her think that I am valuable to her after all.

[IncognitoSir]

1. You should say hello because you WANT to, not because it's a routine or it just needs to be said.
2. Who say yes to everything, if you TRY to, then you've dug yourself a grave and spoiled her rotten! She'll only expect a yes from you always if that what she always gets from you.
3. NO, don't play games. games are for kids at recess in elementary school. You're an adult and should act as one. If you dont think she values you then thats a pretty serious problem and should be addressed between both of you.

[girl68]

None of your suggestion swill even get to the root of the issue which is her unwillingness to put forth effort and be a listener not a dictator.

[IndiReloaded]

This thread is hilarious. There are two completely different conversations happening. The guys are basically talking amongst themselves, ignoring the more emo girls posts. LOL.

(this is why I have nothing to add re: advice--seems like IncogSir has it covered)

[RdHrshyKss]

Some point and changes I am going to make re this relationship and for your advice here, feel free to comment:

1. Everyday its me or lets say 6/7 days its me that always contacts her in the morning to say hello see how she is etc etc, should I cut back on this and mak it less frequent. They say " absence makes the heart grow stronger"

2. Should I sometimes learn to say No to her, eg if she asks me out for coffee or lunch than to say Yes all the time?

3. Should I play the hard to get game, I dont mean to completely ignore her but more so to back off a bit and let her think that I am valuable to her after all.

my comments:
1) i agree with incognito. if you feel like calling her, then do it...just don't do it because you think you have to.

2) how often are you guys separated during the week? do you have any activities you do on your own? does she? i would say start involving yourself in activities so that you actually can't go all the time. if you're free, then go. if you have a run slotted for that morning, than no can do. make lunch dates with other friends...it's good to get some of your own time. just assert yourself and make it known that you have your own interests and hobbies that don't involve her all the time. if you have literally engulfed all your time and energy into this one girl, then i'm going to say back off...you shouldn't be so dependent.

3) don't play hard to get, just do like i mentioned in #2. do your own things sometimes so that you aren't free to be with her every minute she wants you to be. you guys need to learn to not be so dependent on each other and to concentrate on what makes YOU happy, not her.

it sounds like she's been in a bunch of shitty relationships with guys who took advantage of her. if this has happened more than once in her past, then i would say she might have a dependency issue as well. but now that she is with someone who is the complete opposite, she is having difficulty accepting it or allowing herself to be happy. i think you should give her her space. you sound like a nice guy, and she's lucky that you want to be there for her and help her, but i think the best way to make any progress in the sex department (and the relationship as a whole) is to make her have to come after you a little. make her want to earn your affections. if you just hand it out left and right, she's not going to want to work for it, she's going to become very selfish (which it sounds like she already has), and you are going to be miserable.

[Albinoni]

my comments:
1) i agree with incognito. if you feel like calling her, then do it...just don't do it because you think you have to.

2) how often are you guys separated during the week? do you have any activities you do on your own? does she? i would say start involving yourself in activities so that you actually can't go all the time. if you're free, then go. if you have a run slotted for that morning, than no can do. make lunch dates with other friends...it's good to get some of your own time. just assert yourself and make it known that you have your own interests and hobbies that don't involve her all the time. if you have literally engulfed all your time and energy into this one girl, then i'm going to say back off...you shouldn't be so dependent.

3) don't play hard to get, just do like i mentioned in #2. do your own things sometimes so that you aren't free to be with her every minute she wants you to be. you guys need to learn to not be so dependent on each other and to concentrate on what makes YOU happy, not her.

it sounds like she's been in a bunch of shitty relationships with guys who took advantage of her. if this has happened more than once in her past, then i would say she might have a dependency issue as well. but now that she is with someone who is the complete opposite, she is having difficulty accepting it or allowing herself to be happy. i think you should give her her space. you sound like a nice guy, and she's lucky that you want to be there for her and help her, but i think the best way to make any progress in the sex department (and the relationship as a whole) is to make her have to come after you a little. make her want to earn your affections. if you just hand it out left and right, she's not going to want to work for it, she's going to become very selfish (which it sounds like she already has), and you are going to be miserable.

Hi thank you so much for your help here, much appreciated. Now to answer your posts:

1. Ok I agree and will do so.

2. We do see each other now and again, not everyday kind of thing but I would say about 3 to 4 times a week sometimes it might twice a week, sometimes non, all depending on our schedule and what we got on. Also I think what your tryng to tell me here also
is that do other things in your life like go out with other friends (this means both male and female), do activities, hobbies or stuffs that interests me and by doing so it will get her off my mind and I wont be too lateched onto her and by doing this it will also show
to her that I am more relaxed. i.e keep yourself occupied with other things and friends.

3. The reason I mentioned hard to get, is that I have read so many posts and comments on the Internet that if you want to get a girl/woman to show interest in you the only way to do so is to pplay the hard to get game, this means back off slightly and let
them chase you, i.e dont always be there for them, dont always ring them and jump to them when they snap their fingers, pull back a bit and give them a chase as well but dont 100% ignore them either. Play the game but pplay it right.