Need a man's point of view on what may have happened!

[DJYinYang]

I'm going to be a strange voice of reason. I'm 28 yrs old and was with my ex 5 years. We spent the last 4 years apart. Just this month we spoke for the first time. The feelings for us both we're as if we never split. and now find ourself in that same situation. What could have been, should have been , might have been.

Here is my advice ... and some may not like it..... You live once. You are going to get hurt. It's the nature of the beast. Knowing this that you WILL be heart broken, does it matter WHO breaks your heart? If you can look past any and all the bad things that he may have done to you then there is a chance for love. As long as its a healty environment (he didnt beat you?) then I can't in good faith tell you to ignore him and try to get over him. Yes give it some time see if it goes away ... but

I can tell you ... I went 4 years without a text, a phone call, not even running into each other in the store. NOTHING ZERO contact , and 4 years later after we sat down and spent 3 hours together I have NEVER regretted more my ignorance of thinking that I was better off with out her.... I've been in numerous serious relationships since. Had my heart broken a few times. and I just ask myself ... what would the difference been if it would have been her ....

My advice ---- you are not weak because you want to experience love.... Thats what women are hard wired for, the feeling of being loved and reproduction .... if you are going to be hurt (WHICH I PROMISE YOU WILL BE) why not give it another chance ...

[stillhurting]

@DJYingYang - "You live once"...I like your advice, of course, because I want to contact him, I want him back....I miss him so much.
BUT, he's completely ignoring me...not responsive at all. I like to tell myself it's because it's hard for him to...but I know that's not likely. I recently went out on a couple dates with a nice guy...realize towards the end of the dates that I hadn't though about the ex, but by the drive home I was almost in tears...wishing it was him I was just out with.

Anyway, I find myself wanting to tell him (because I know he won't find out through "the grapevine") that I had a couple dates with a nice guy, and that it bothers me so much that he has completely shut me out....and ask him if he will meet with me for a drink and a talk. I know that I shouldn't.....my motives for telling him about the dates is to hopefully spark something in him...however wrong that may be.

I know that I shouldn't do any of this...right now they're just thoughts.

[Henry123]

), talked about the future, everyday he said that he loved me, wanted me, needed me, missed me so much it hurt, ....

(My 2 cents.)

When people talk about the future sometimes they get scared. Or later they begin to have seconnd thoughts.
I think its because of the notion of 'obligations' and feeling 'trapped' makes alot of people wanting to run. If you get too serious in a relationship too fast it could happen.
I read this up in some human psychology book.

Note: some guys will say anything to get into your pants (saying "I love you" etc). Some will tell you want you want to hear. Once they get what you want they take off. Its sad but true. (Not saying this is the case here but may or not be).

My gut feeling is that you guys might be getting too serious too fast. He needs some space. I hope you werent too clingy with him (not saying you are). Thats a real relationship killer.
A suggestion: Get a good friend whose good with fashion to do you a make over (not saying your not pretty. I bet your pretty! ^_^ But the change in style might grab his attention again!) . Then play hard to get. At times pretend your attracted to him and other times pretend you dont acknowledge him & ignore him. It will drive him nuts!

[Henry123]

Some book recomendations:
How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less by Nicholas Boothman

How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You by Leil Lowndes
(highly recommended)

Theres a really good one but I cant remeber the name right now. They even have a website and forum giving you daily advice on how to do it.


Yes you can still win him back. As long as you dont come on too strongly (like a nutty stalker) but just make your presense known to him. A little perfume but not too much. People tend to want what they cant have.

Wish you luck honey.

[stillhurting]

A suggestion: Get a good friend whose good with fashion to do you a make over (not saying your not pretty. I bet your pretty! ^_^ But the change in style might grab his attention again!) . Then play hard to get. At times pretend your attracted to him and other times pretend you dont acknowledge him & ignore him. It will drive him nuts!

I wish I could take your advice and have this work....but we don't live in the same town or have mutual friends (anymore)....highly unlikely that I'll even ever run in to him by chance. That makes this all the more frustrating sometimes.
Sometimes I think it's like what you said, that maybe he got scared...but I don't understand when it was HIM that "fell" so fast, HIM that was making all the plans, I was the one being 'standoffish' at first (because I was afraid to let myself fall for him so fast)...then, it seems when I finally gave in and 'fell', he ran! WTF? Ugh.....

[Henry123]

He sounds like abit of a jerk in what he did.
I'm suspecting he might have been using you???

I'm really sorry to what happen to you regardless.

[stillhurting]

Using me for what though? I was "giving it up" before the L word was in the picture! Lol

[DJYinYang]

Just checked back for an update to your situation

If he's ignoring you then you have but 1 option. GO with it! I know its counter intuitive from what I said previously but I promise you that if you are the one chasing him then you'll never get what you want out of this. TRUST ME.

This is hardly going to be easy but what in life worth obtaining is easy??

Want my opinion or advice I'll be happy to message you as opposed to going back n forth in public forum airing out your personal life Hit me up w/ a message on here and i'll give u my email.

Enjoy the weekend

[IndiReloaded]

He doesn't love you. He's in love with the idea of you. Can you grasp the difference? Also, what's the deal with him already having a 4 year old? Is he divorced or, worse, couldn't commit to his baby-mama?

This guy sounds really emotionally immature, as hello said. Don't be fooled by his lovely-dovey romance. Its not for your sake, its all about HIM. As you found out after the first tidbit of reality kicked in for him.

I think you already know this guy is all veneer and no substance. You just needed an objective POV to tell you again. Oh, and I really admire you keeping your child away from him. Really responsible, great call. Good luck.

[stillhurting]

He doesn't love you. He's in love with the idea of you.
I think you already know this guy is all veneer and no substance. You just needed an objective POV to tell you again. Oh, and I really admire you keeping your child away from him. Really responsible, great call. Good luck.

I think you're exactly right...and I think I'm actually done, done worrying about what happened and what may happen.....I'm actually finding myself hoping that he doesn't ever contact me, I'm doing really well right now and I think it would be a major set back to see or speak to him. It feels really good to feel this way about it.
Thank you all for your perspectives and advice!!

[stillhurting]

The same day I post that I'd rather not hear from him, he texts me...ridiculous. I did answer them, but I was very brief and cold...then he finally said goodnight and that was it.

[nerdy_guy]

He might treat that as you're not in the mood. He'll be back

[stillhurting]

Hey may, but I actually hope he doesn't. I was/am doing to good, I don't want to go back now. Funny how things can change, and so quickly.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You sound crazy as hell, and I'll bet my house that you reminded him of his ex-wife when you had that fight. He probably fought with her a lot, over the same type of trivial nonsense and doesn't want his kid to keep seeing that.

[stillhurting]

You sound crazy as hell, and I'll bet my house that you reminded him of his ex-wife when you had that fight. He probably fought with her a lot, over the same type of trivial nonsense and doesn't want his kid to keep seeing that.

And you sound like a caring compassionate man with a lot of insight...thanks for the douchey comment.