Love Is A Mother****er [GIGANTIC RANT]

[Gigabitch]

I never thought of pressuring her in any sort of way!

What that looks like to me is that you never initiate anything. Take a risk, why don't you?

[IndiReloaded]

I hope he comes back with an update. I think there are a lot of guys in similar situations.

On reading his post a bit more carefully, its also possible this gal is a flake. Either way, tho, he needs to know.

[Progressus]

I hope he comes back with an update. I think there are a lot of guys in similar situations.

On reading his post a bit more carefully, its also possible this gal is a flake. Either way, tho, he needs to know.

I will come back with an update, but there's no news yet.

I know what a "flake" is with regards to a date or a specific agreement, but what do you mean by "she is a flake"? Can you elaborate on this?

Are you implying she was just playing me all those years? If so... well... then I hope you're wrong, because that would be devastating. But who knows...

[Raze]

She sounds like a flake.

You need a drink my friend.

[Asip4u]

I hope he comes back with an update. I think there are a lot of guys in similar situations.

On reading his post a bit more carefully, its also possible this gal is a flake. Either way, tho, he needs to know.

Yup, i'm in a very similar situation. I've given up on the whole thing but i don't ignore her or anything. I know i might hate myself later for not trying harder but it's just not in me.

[Raze]

Yup, i'm in a very similar situation. I've given up on the whole thing but i don't ignore her or anything. I know i might hate myself later for not trying harder but it's just not in me.

Man, I hate flakes! I really do. I've been flaked on a lot in the past. I end up hating myself.

[Asip4u]

Man, I hate flakes! I really do. I've been flaked on a lot in the past. I end up hating myself.

I don't let it get to me like before. Things happen for a reason and I take it as her not being the right girl for me.

[girl68]

You sound so smart yet you've been so very, very stupid in this situation. She was dying for you to bone her after she said she loved you, you didn't. That sounds like straight up rejection.

[IndiReloaded]

I will come back with an update, but there's no news yet.

I know what a "flake" is with regards to a date or a specific agreement, but what do you mean by "she is a flake"? Can you elaborate on this?

Are you implying she was just playing me all those years? If so... well... then I hope you're wrong, because that would be devastating. But who knows...

Dude, don't psych yourself out on this one. Based on your post it does sound like she has genuine feelings for you, but the only way to know for sure is to do what you decided. I don't thing she's been playing you but there is a chance she isn't looking and/or ready for anything serious. Don't look for reasons to chicken out now, you'll only get more frustrated.

[Progressus]

Again, as for the "not banging" part: Yeah, from a certain point of view, she might feel rejected. But if she really did feel rejected in some way, why would she text me in the morning how great it all was? Honestly, doesn't make any sense to me. But I don't want to come across as a nitpicker, I do get your point, however, I don't agree.

Dude, don't psych yourself out on this one. Based on your post it does sound like she has genuine feelings for you, but the only way to know for sure is to do what you decided. I don't thing she's been playing you but there is a chance she isn't looking and/or ready for anything serious. Don't look for reasons to chicken out now, you'll only get more frustrated.

Believe me, I'm not looking for reasons to chicken out. But I've sent her an email the other day, gently stressing my stance. No reply. The ball's in her court now. Thus I'll try to enjoy this weekend with my friends (big party ahead), and then on Sunday I'll do whatever is necessary to sort this thing out. I've known her for so long... and SHE was the one that chickened out for months for MUCH LESS than what happened the other night. So, from my experience, it doesn't hurt me to not get in touch with her before Sunday. So, be a bit patient...

[VincenzoG91]

Dude, you need to be a man to get a woman. You talk about not wanting to pressure her, about e-mailing her, about gently stressing your stance... that's too weak. Be assertive. Communicate clearly what you want and how you want it. She's free to turn you down, but if she likes you, she will be favorably impressed by your confidence.

[Raze]

Pressure her.

[IndiReloaded]

Believe me, I'm not looking for reasons to chicken out. But I've sent her an email the other day, gently stressing my stance. No reply. The ball's in her court now. Thus I'll try to enjoy this weekend with my friends (big party ahead), and then on Sunday I'll do whatever is necessary to sort this thing out. I've known her for so long... and SHE was the one that chickened out for months for MUCH LESS than what happened the other night. So, from my experience, it doesn't hurt me to not get in touch with her before Sunday. So, be a bit patient...

Not email. You don't even know she got it. So much communication has been botched this way w/ppl drawing all sorts of conclusions when a msg didn't even get delivered. Plus, too much emotional content is either lost or misunderstood.

In person > phone >>>> email

[Gigabitch]

Her message the next morning was her showing that she's still optimistic, and could be construed as another volley of that "ball" that you keep putting in one another's court.

One of you should make a decisive move, already.

[Progressus]

So, for those of you who care, here's how the whole thing ended:

Contrary to some people's advice here, I didn't decide to pressure her. I understand your reasoning, and that might be OK in 99% of similar situations, but I've known her for so long, I just trusted my own decision making more than yours. No offense! And as it turned out, it was the right thing to do. But read on...

Some days passed and then she called me. We talked a bit, and then she invited me over to her house. To cut a long story short: She couldn't take her hands off me, we had a very nice evening/night. Again, we didn't sleep with each other. To me there was no need, it just felt so right, and we both were clearly heading into the right direction (beyond the physical thing we talked about it and came to the same conclusion: we'll see where this goes, but right now it's just perfect the way it is). After that she was withdrawing from me again. But I thought that wouldn't be a big deal, just her usual behavior after being afraid of her own courage.

A couple of days after we had met for the last time, she sent me an email. Basically it stated that she was sorry for her weird behavior again and that she didn't want to discuss things via email. Well, that sounded good. So she called me later that night and then we talked for like two hours.

Just to get that one thing off the books right away: Not sleeping with her was NOT the problem. She said she'd never have done that when being drunk, for reasons I don't need to elaborate on. So she wasn't pissed at all that I didn't desperately go for it. So there you have it, my intuition was right. Anyway, there were other things that seem more important in terms of why it looks like this whole thing between us isn't going to work. Sad but true.

As unbelievable as it sounds, she confirmed everything she said the other day. Here's a short list: She said she's constantly missing me, each and every day, and eversince we became intimate after all those years she realized she was in fact physically yearning for me. Kissing me would give her a feeling she never had before, and being with me would without any doubts make her happy beyond anything she can describe because it just feels so right. She can't stop thinking of me, and although she cancelled our last date for fear of closeness (whatever that means), she's all the more scared of losing me. She said she's even jealous when I'm out with my friends. Something she never told me, and due to my feelings for her that shouldn't really be an issue. Anyway, she went on and on, again telling me that she would never ever be able to get herself involved with another man and what not, and that one thing she specifically loves about me is that I'm the only person (or "man" for that matter) in her life that understands her downright dumb behavior.

Now, while I was happy that she was speaking so open-heartedly to me, that alone didn't really seal the deal. I said that all I wanted was a bit more consistency, meaning that we should meet like once or twice every week just to see where things are going. I mean, that's not that much to ask for, is it? She agreed, of course, and so she asked me if I didn't want to come over to her house the follwing weekend.

Sounds good up until this point, doesn't it?

Yeah, whatever. We talked on the phone and emailed each other everyday during the week, and nothing seemed fishy. Until about a day prior to the date we had set up. Something changed. I don't know what did, but I could tell from reading between the lines that something was up. And then there it was, the usual bail out: "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going any further than a platonic thing" - yeah, finally, there's my personal grand slam! Don't even try to understand how this felt like, I don't think you can empathize with that. Again, no offense, but after this whole built-up of emotions on such a gigantic scale, I was absolutely devastated. Right now I'm still lacking the words to properly describe it.

Well, I didn't get mad or anything, I never did and I never will. But that statement blew a huge hole into my stomach. I said I had to walk the dog and finished the conversation. What I really did was not walking the dog, no, I tried to compose myself some way. I didn't work, I was going nuts. I couldn't take this on and off any longer, it was brutal. All I could do was sending her an email, because I think talking to her over the phone would have killed me. I didn't say anything bad, and I didn't reproach her for anything she did wrong in my eyes. I just said that I would've wished for her not pulling me in deeper and deeper by being so honest about her feelings while at the same time pushing me away again when push came to shove. There was more in that email, but nothing of relevance to the people reading this bullshit.

Anyway, I haven't heard from her since, and that's not really a surprise. I'm feeling so endlessly stupid, I can't even begin to describe it. It's just pathetic.

Again, my advice for other people stays the same: If you're in love on a such an intense level and things get complicated for some sort of reason, GET OUT OF IT FAST! You know, I've told you that this thing had crippled me emotionally way before (meaning: I couldn't really open up to other women beyond sex), but now it's even worse. I was talking to my mom about it, because she could instantly tell that something's wrong. She began crying. Not I did, she did. I may be composed outwardly, but deep inside of me I realize that I'm never going to be able to feel similar for another woman; and with this specific woman, I don't think it's ever going to go anywhere.

I know there are people with much bigger issues, believe me, but this one is the bane of my existence, and I have no idea how to deal with this. I'm considering moving to the US where some of my best friends live, just to get my head right. But I don't really think that's going to work, at least it didn't in the past. When I've learned something in the last ten years, then it's that I will never ever be able to forget her, no matter what I'm doing or where I am. I'm also considering seeing a therapist, but right now everything feels a bit misty.

Sorry for getting overboard again length-wise, but I just needed to vent. If there's any sort of constructive advice, I'd be happy to listen to you. If not, well, then that doesn't surprise me.

It's so unbelievably ironic that I can give advice to other people (especially in real life) regarding their love life, and they all highly appreciate it, while when it comes to myself and this one particular woman, I feel like the biggest dork on earth.