How do you do it?

[valhensing]

yeah, the society is going toward express true feeling and consequently, they're saying we're more and more absorbed in ourself and dont give a damn care about other

Example: you're all alone somewhere and you look for somebody for comfort. They did the right thing, do not lie to you that they care but then you yourself feel bad... You might not care about the people who come for u for comfort now but someday you might be there and if u would experience the same thing, what will u feel?

I just feel like there's no right choice here, if u dont comfort them, they will feel unloved (some people commit suicide because of this) but then again, you dont care...and why should you care? I think just let them down gently if u have nothing to say, just be there and hold their hands when it's needed. You might not feel any thing for them or share their pain. But you know it's hard on them. People can feel comforted from just that.

Just dont do it because u expect them to do the same though... U comfort them knowing when they get better, they wont probably do the same for u

I dont care about other's problem too. But if somebody come to me for comfort, i'll stick around and just be present.

[Bo]

I can say those words, sure. But they come out completely hollow and are every bit as offensive as saying nothing.

See now you're estimating the power of words...take for example when you meet someone new...who's a friend of a friend of a friend. You shake their hand or wave and say "hi, nice to meet you", and when you leave they might say "hey it was good meeting you", and you say, " it was nice meeting you too".

Was it really nice meeting them though? Probably not but people say it because it's instinctual in our society. And you might think your words sound hollow but at least it's not silence.

[vashti]

Eh, I can't relate AT ALL. I tend to be sympathetic, rather than empathetic even. It's equally unhealthy, and so draining. It seems we both need better balance.

[Gribble]

See now you're estimating the power of words...take for example when you meet someone new...who's a friend of a friend of a friend. You shake their hand or wave and say "hi, nice to meet you", and when you leave they might say "hey it was good meeting you", and you say, " it was nice meeting you too".

Was it really nice meeting them though? Probably not but people say it because it's instinctual in our society. And you might think your words sound hollow but at least it's not silence.

I'm more the type to silently stare at a stranger's hand until he withdraws it.

[Incognito]

^^^ LOL

I have done that too, but only to drive the point home that I don't like a particular person....and I can't lie, it is extremely gratifying. Anyway, I am in the same boat as you are Gribble. People constantly spill their guts to me. It all depends on how a particular person perceives you. Some approach me because I try to be a nice guy most of the time and they think I'll say something positive to them. Others are around me at times when I mainly stay to myself, and I suspect that they approach me and spill the beans because they genuinely need to get things off their chests and they think that I'll listen and keep it to myself. If you really are a jerk deep down you should broadcast that fact more and it will cut down on these incidences of people bearing their souls to you. You could always get a shirt to wear on casual day that says "I'm a jerk and I don't want to hear your pathetic personal drivel"..... If you yourself feel that you are indeed a jerk. I personally think that you are simply a product of your environment during your lifetime.

[misombra]

Wtf is so hard about saying "I'm sorry, that's awful." ?

[Incognito]

Some people honestly don't care, and that is their prerogative. No one is obligated to care, its just more acceptable to do so. People aren't expected to give to charity, but it is more acceptable to do so than not. On that same note some people are extremely principled, and saying something that they don't truly mean is unacceptable to them.

[Gribble]

I've been told my neutral countenance is one of haughty offense. I stare down my nose at the world with disdain. And still people approach me expecting some kind of positive response.

Wtf is so hard about saying "I'm sorry, that's awful." ?

I don't feel sorry and I don't really know how to sound like I feel sorry. It's in the in inflection and in the moment after. You say "I'm sorry, that's awful!". I can't say it like that, not without blatantly sounding like I'm acting. And then what? Do I sit there in silence? Do I return to my work? I don't know what the hell to do with these people. I think in the future I'll respond with how I actually do feel: "Leave me alone. I really don't give a damn about you, your life, or the lives (and deaths) of those you care about. Thank you and good day."

I have no desire to deal with people who can't provide me with sex or money.

[misombra]

It is not like you're giving them charity. You're just confirming that what they're going through sucks. You're not lying. Sometimes it makes people feel better just to vent and have someone say "I'm sorry." Really, it should not be that much of a moral struggle. One day you will want the same thing.

[Gribble]

When my uncle died of cancer three months ago do you know how many people I talked to?

You're the first.

No. I won't one day want that.

[misombra]

I've been told my neutral countenance is one of haughty offense. I stare down my nose at the world with disdain. And still people approach me expecting some kind of positive response.



I don't feel sorry and I don't really know how to sound like I feel sorry. It's in the in inflection and in the moment after. You say "I'm sorry, that's awful!". I can't say it like that, not without blatantly sounding like I'm acting. And then what? Do I sit there in silence? Do I return to my work? I don't know what the hell to do with these people. I think in the future I'll respond with how I actually do feel: "Leave me alone. I really don't give a damn about you, your life, or the lives (and deaths) of those you care about. Thank you and good day."

I have no desire to deal with people who can't provide me with sex or money.

I'm sorry gerbil. That sucks.

[Gribble]

I don't want you to feel sorry. People die. You deal with it. You move on. It's the nature of the game. I neither need nor want pity and I have none to offer anyone else.

[Incognito]

Giving anything freely is charity, even time and compassion Miso. Many people don't view it that way, but rather as an unsaid moral obligation. Others exercise their right to not care.

There is a difference between indifference and disrespect though Gribble. I would not suggest telling people that you don't care about the death of one of their loved ones. That could create really bad friction, and if one of the people you said that too ends up in a position of power over you (job promotion, or they become a cop or judge) you'll be thoroughly screwed.

[Gribble]

I don't believe in pissing people off (too much) unless it is in the act of utterly destroying them and rendering them incapable of returning the favor. No worries there.

[VincenzoG91]

I said "Oh." An awkward moment followed, then she left. I don't get it. How am I supposed to care about these random people? How do I learn to act like I care? Better yet, why the hell can't they keep it to themselves and to the people who actually do care? I don't run to the first person who makes eye contact with me and share my sob stories. Ugh.

How? This is easy, Gribble. This is like Humanity 101. It's a basic skill that you could have learned in grade school, and most elected officials have honed this skill to a professional level.

As someone tells you their sob story, just pretend for a moment that this terrible thing is also affecting you, or at least someone you love. Then say something standard like "I'm sorry to hear that," ideally with at least a slight change from your normal tone of voice. Then maybe ask a leading question, like "when did you find out?" Mostly, all you need to do is listen without looking bored or impatient.