I saw my ex today but he ignored me

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't sound spiteful, and I wasn't there for your discussion with him, but it sounds like he was just coming up with some random excuse to just get away and not explain how he really felt. Since you had been friends for a while prior, he probably felt ashamed and didn't want to have to explain, "I really just want to **** a bunch of different women."

Did you have any arguments with him at all?

[RdHrshyKss]

i think backuporgetstng hit the nail on the head there.

[fufugrrl]

You don't sound spiteful, and I wasn't there for your discussion with him, but it sounds like he was just coming up with some random excuse to just get away and not explain how he really felt. Since you had been friends for a while prior, he probably felt ashamed and didn't want to have to explain, "I really just want to **** a bunch of different women."

Did you have any arguments with him at all?

No. We didn't argue at all. He is the type of guy who doesn't like conflict and made that clear early on. Up until the last day that I spoke to him, I was always careful with my words. I think that may have been part of the problem. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him but was afraid of upsetting him or coming across as needy.

I"ve been with other people where good communication always made for a successful relationship so I feel like this is why ours failed. I look back now and wish I had tried to get him to open up more to me instead of me guessing what was going on. I think I ended up feeling paranoid!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ended up feeling paranoid of what? He was seeing other women, openly, and didn't want an exclusive relationship with you, so he did you a favor and ended it. His communication within the "relationship" seems pretty stellar from what you've described.

[fufugrrl]

Ended up feeling paranoid of what? He was seeing other women, openly, and didn't want an exclusive relationship with you, so he did you a favor and ended it. His communication within the "relationship" seems pretty stellar from what you've described.

That part of the relationship was clear, yes.
I was paranoid that he was comparing me to other girls and would eventually just leave me altogether at a time when I was starting to feel stronger feelings for him. I was getting jealous and when it got to the point where I told him, it obviously made him uncomfortable.

The problem I had was that he just stopped talking to me as if I did something horrifically wrong. I don't know how to explain what that feels like other than it's almost like having someone close to you suddenly die. You have no way of communicating anymore with them. Even worse...Not only did I experience a death, but I was rejected by that person.

Look I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong. I am a terrible communicator and I was probably very selfish to think that I could have this man to myself when he had made it clear that was never something he wanted. I just let my feelings get out of control in an impossible situation.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I understand, and have had something very similar happen to me a little over a year ago, except I didn't even get the amount of closure you did. Friend for 2 years, started seeing each other for two months, distance, disappearance. You want to know why, of course, but it's not going to happen. You need to stop trying to attribute it to something that you did, and you need to stop taking it to the extreme, "he never cared." He was smart, he planted a random seed in your head so that you'd think you did something wrong or to offend him. You know who you are, so don't try to change, to accommodate someone who wants no involvement with you.

[fufugrrl]

Good advice.
I'll be fine as long as I don't run into him again anytime soon. I look forward to the day when I can walk past him and not feel anything.

[Agape]

Good advice.
I'll be fine as long as I don't run into him again anytime soon. I look forward to the day when I can walk past him and not feel anything.

Well there are 2 ways of doing this . . .avoiding him or learning how to deal with him . . . take the latter route, learn not to care. It gets somewhat 'easier' with practice

[fufugrrl]

It's now almost 2 months later from my original post here and he called me this week. We met and had lunch yesterday. It wasn't intense but I think we made amends. He claims he didn't see me the day I saw him on the street. He seemed really surprised and apologetic. I don't know what to think. We haven't agreed to see each other again or anything. Just remaining amicable for now. I admit I still have feelings so I know I need to be very cautious.

[devonbrown]

Hopefully the conversation you had with him yesterday gave you the closure you needed. From your previous comments, it was sort of alarming how many times and ways you said things like you did something wrong or you chased him away or you did your feelings and were careful with your words or something along those lines. Relationship tend to always fail when you are trying to be someone you are not, or when you are trying to have the other person be someone they are not.
Either way, I am glad you had a conversation with him and hopefully it will allow you to reclaim some of that friendship you had and move on.
Good luck.

[vanityfair]

I hope you won't think I'm being disrespectful to your relationship with this man but if he was seeing other people while seeing you he wasn't your "boyfriend" to begin with. In his mind, you were most likely friends with benefits, so when you wanted more and he didn't there was nothing to discuss. He could have handled it better, there certainly was no need for name calling from his end but at least you gotta give him credit that his signals are loud and clear. He doesn't appreciate what you have to offer him. Hope you find someone who deserves you more.

[fufugrrl]

Hey, no disrespect taken. Totally agree. To be honest, I don't think we really established that we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I think for the sake of making my story easier, I used the term "ex". But, he was the only guy I was seeing at the time and I did envision us being a couple.

Now, here's the interesting update to this story. We met again this past Tuesday. This time, he absolutely insisted on buying me a Christmas gift. I said no, that wasn't necessary and asked him why he felt the need since I did not expect a thing from him. He said it was because I deserved it, that it would make him happy, that he never bought me anything when we were going out and he really wanted to get me something now. I said "ok" but only if I reciprocated. But, he wanted to buy me something very nice, like jewelry. We settled on something not so elegant for me but something I could use and I got him something he needed and we both felt satisfied.

Later, he told me how much he missed our friendship. He said he got freaked out that we were both getting so close. But, he said he thought I was the one pulling away and then said he didn't remember calling me "spiteful". He said very nice things about me as a person, that I am actually good for him to be around.

This is where I'm so baffled. The fact that he called me "spiteful", stopped talking to me and completely ignored me on the street are all the things that devastated me to bits. Other than giving me the silent treatment for 5 months, he claims he doesn't remember the other stuff. He apologized anyway and said that from this point on, he wants us to communicate better. This was the root of our problem to begin with so that made me feel good. We agreed to take things slow and not have expectations for each other.

I still think I'm nuts and probably not seeing something very obvious. But, other than the setback we had there really isn't anything horrible about this guy. He's honest and when has good intentions right now.

[RdHrshyKss]

maybe whoever he ditched you for has dropped him. he knows that you had feelings for him, so he's trying to get back on your good side so that he doesn't have to be alone. or maybe he realized that him ditching you got him nowhere. either way don't let yourself get too carried away with this guy the second time around. make sure you are realistic, and don't create high expectations. just take it as it goes and make him aware that your wants/needs are just as important as his. good luck.

[sweetkissesforu]

Could be that this man is commitment phobic