I've fallen for him, he cares for me but still feels for her :'(

[Huggles]

But does he love me way he loves her?

[Huggles]

It was when just me n him. Mentioning her has ruined it!

[Huggles]

Have tried getting to know other guys and found some nice onces but they're not him and i don't fully focus on them as love him.

[Huggles]

I was scared but i did meet him! It was good until he mentioned her! That's knocked my esteem further back! He gave me confidence to work on myself n i've started working out with a trainer and doing a online course alongside work.

[Huggles]

Said i did meet him though!

[x_Kisses]

Beauty comes from within. Its not what you look like that makes someone love you, its the beauty of your heart. If you "Love" this guy then u dont just back off either.

I had a very very hard time with my OH a few months back. We fell in love but his heart was broken from his ex, he still loved her deep down. I didnt blame him she was a huge part of his life, but it hurt me so bad. In the end he left me because he couldnt deal with his hurt and loving someone else. I newver once gave up i told him every day i loved him, i stayed close, went for drinks as friends, after 2 weeks we found it increasingly hard to walk away after a month he came back to me and were more in love than ever and his hurt is gone.

Chin up

[Huggles]

Nice to hear someone that has an understanding of the situation.

That's how it's been, i'm the one there for him, i say i love him, buy him gifts, help him out but it's not reciprocated in quite the same volume. Before she came back in his life he'd say he loved me back but doesn't now as says he's confused of his feelings. It's hard to deal with when i do all to love him, she does nothing yet it's her he feels more for. How long do you wait? In meantime i get ripped apart inside :'(

[Mish]

I agree with Vash Huggles. If he's not over her it means trouble for any future you might be envisioning with him. I doubt his uncertainty will go away even if the two of you are together.

Maybe you should give him some time to get over her on his own?

[purplehaze]

Hi,

I can relate to your low self-esteem issues. I'm still finding it hard to carry on with my life as normal and like to spend a lot of time alone. A guy i was recently involved with (he 'loved' me so he says) found something small to argue about and with his words alone just crushed my emotions and trust in people in general. A week later, he now has a girlfriend already and yes she is pretty. He unblocked me on facebook last night just to say 'yeh i can be friends with you' knowing full well i'd see that he was in a relationship to which i just replied wishing him all the best and that i was glad he was happy. (Even though he didn't really deserve even that, it's just the kind of person i am). He replied with 'couldn't be happier.' I then realised in that moment what a waste of space he actually was.

This may all seem a little irrelevent in your situation (the guy you mention sounds like a nice person), but like me, i also spent a lot of time trying to make him happy, buying him gifts and just generally focusing on him. I realise now that if i had spent the time i wasted on him and put that same effort into myself, then i'd be emotionally and physically stronger aswell as finding life in general that little bit better.

As for how long do you wait? I'd say not very long, you said it yourself your self esteem is being knocked back further and i think that speaks volumes. Focus on yourself. Love yourself, even if you don't like what you see in the mirror so what? Love yourself anyway.

Whatever happens, never settle for less and certainly don't settle for second best.

I wish you all the best.x

[Huggles]

Your guy sounds immature n cruel in rubbing it in your face. In certain ways my esteems knocked yet in others he gave me strength. I suffered depression n had a bad time n with his support i've improved n off anti depressants n am training and doing more in my life now. I have friends but whenever i'm in real bad place they aren't around or understand yet he's only one that helps me.

Today we fought about the situation again. He's just lost his job so not too happy. We said we'd part ways as couldn't find a way around it unless meet up more which i now feel too inadequate to do as compare myself to her and think i will be second best. There were tears and he said he was sorry for making me feel that way. Got onto the guilt routine so i ended up comforting him as he's having hard time with family and now work. So by end we haven't even managed to break away at all. If there was a way to block her from my mind to meet him i believe we'd fit together.

[purplehaze]

You could try and take a step back. If he needs you for whatever reason, don't always agree to meeting him or helping him out. If he sees that you're not going to be there at a drop of the hat, he may come to his senses. Right now it seems as if he is using you as his source of comfort for how he feels towards this other girl and also for the way his life is at the moment. It's so easy to get sucked back in, it's happened with me in the past, it got to the point with an ex where i was giving him money to help pay for things and in the end nothing improved and i had to walk away. Well of course then the excuses started but i just couldn't do it anymore. It left me depressed and i lost so much weight, then i hated myself even more when i looked in the mirror.

I understand when you say your friends aren't around to help you, the majority of mine have very busy lives (or are too busy partying to have an indepth chat). However, maybe you look to this guy as your only option when it comes to letting out your problems. No doubt he will be able to relate to how you feel and from what you've said he can prove helpful but you may become too dependent on him. Although he may have helped you to start your training and get your life back on track, it is YOU who made that happen and you should be proud of yourself and your achievements. People come into our lives for all sorts of different reasons and the majority of the time we take certain positives from a situation and move on. As bad as it sounds now, if you do move on from this, there is so much good to take from it.

If you do decide to stick around, try to remember that although you may 'think' this girl is better/better looking than you it will be of less significance to him. When women look at other women the natural instinct is to compare themselves because that's sadly the world we live in today. The majority of guys will not stick around simply because someone is good looking and who's to say he doesn't see you as equally attractive/ even more attractive. You might be thinking that because he still has feelings for her that he automatically thinks she is better looking when really it is just a certain bond that has not fully broken yet. When my ex partner of two years broke up with me, he still text me when he began seeing his current girlfriend. I felt nothing towards him anymore and although it may be wrong of him to have text me behind her back, the whole thing just fizzled out in the end and he is still with the same girl to this day.

Aslong as you remember to prioritise yourself and your feelings and remember how far you have come with certain issues, whichever way this turns out i think you will be ok if you create the right mindset

[Agape]

"It hurts so much and we've tried stopping contact but can't. "

Who is it who usually starts communication first? . . . either way, he doesn't feel for you - so you should move on . . . you need your space so don't contact him and block him

[Huggles]

We both initiate, me more so but it's usually the woman to do so. He does care cos he's stuck around when times been very hard and he doesn't get physical side, how many guys would do that?? I've tried to not contact but i can't.

[Huggles]

Can analyze everything in life and why people are with certain others and there's probably a psychological summary for all but does that make it wrong? Alot of it's down to my self worth. He says i'm beautiful and i don't need to lose weight to see him it's just how i feel so seeing her makes that worse. I wish i could get passed the shallow stuff cos we do get on, i respect who he is, we understand each other pretty well with similar backgrounds and life ambitions and just feel he's what i want. We haven't been together in person enough to know if it will be same that way but if got this far like this surely we have more chance than people that just jump into bed together first night and don't know each other one bit. On first look he doesn't appear gorgeous but i think he is, he has gorgeous blue eyes and lovely smile and made me feel comfortable to talk to when am such a nervous wreck meeting new people.

Thank you for your reply. People seem to have differing opinions so still none the wiser though. I somehow just need to see him again and get passed the ex comparison thing :/

[toshi]

then try harder dear. you'll always be his "shock absorber" unless he tries to get over with his personal issues. for now, it's your job to make him realize that this is not exactly the kind of romance that you wanted.