Is this controlling behaviour?

[SecretlySad]

This BS about how the pole dancing class is "disrespectful" to him is ridiculous -- what is disrespectful is him trying to influence what you want to do for fun with your girls; it's not like one of your favourite pastimes is turning tricks!

Haha yes I know! I couldn’t understand why he was so mad at me having some fun with my girlfriends – fully clothed – in a room with all other women! He even said something like “only sluts and single moms” take classes like that. It disappoints me SO much, because usually he is such a wise person, but when he says things like this I really don’t know. The feedback I have gotten from most other guys is that they would LOVE their girl to take up a pole dancing class, they think it’s very sexy!

Have you had a talk with him yet about how his actions and comments are making you feel? If not I would speak to him about this honestly as soon as possible before any resentment sets in and you start feeling angry towards him for giving up what you wanted to do, just to make him happy and alleviate his insecurities.

Unfortunately I think I’m way past that. I think I already resent him.

It has reached a point where I feel like I have to run everything I do by him. I couldn’t just go out and e.g. buy a Halloween costume on my own, I’d have to make sure it was “appropriate” enough for his standards. What drives me UP THE WALL too is his observations of how good other girls look. If he sees a woman in e.g. a lace top and just a bra underneath he will tell me he thinks that looks sexy, but if I don the same outfit he gets mad.
It is always about him and how what I do makes him feel… I wonder if he ever stops to think about how it makes me feel?

He doesn’t understand how me – or any woman for that matter, can want to look good if it’s for nothing but the attention of other men.

Our conversations usually go something like this:

Him: Why are you wearing that?
Me: I think it looks nice.
Him: Yeah, I’m sure there’s going to be lots of guys who think it looks nice too…
Me: Maybe…?
Him: Not maybe, definitely. I don’t know why you’re wearing it.
Me: Because I like how it looks on me!
Him: Yeah well, you’re going to be getting a lot of attention tonight!
Me: I’m not wearing it for attention.
Him: Right. Well, what for then?
Me: For ME! I told you I think it looks nice.
Him: Sure. I suppose if you were the only person left in the world you would still want to “look nice”? Are you honestly telling me you’d still go to all this effort if no one was there to see it?
Me: If I was the last person in the world my looks would be my last concern! I can’t put myself in that position, I don’t know??
Him: Exactly! If you’re so sure it’s “just for you” you would have no doubt. But right.. you’re “not doing it for attention”. Keep telling yourself that.

He tricks me and makes me feel like the bad guy ALL THE TIME.

This is not some insecure little 20 year old, the man is 45 next month.

[Bella82]

Honey it sounds like maybe you two just aren't compatible. If both of you are disagreeing on things that are important to each other, maybe you should think about whether or not he's the best guy for you. It seems like you both want things the other can't (or won't) give. Perhaps you need to be with someone who you feel more free with, and not so restricted?

[sweetkissesforu]

jealous and controlling and you feed into you have to be you not conform to his thinking and his issues

[SecretlySad]

What scares me most is his attitude. I picture myself going out one night in something that he disapproves of, then coming home and telling him I was sexually assaulted only for him to tell me I brought it on myself. I can most definitely picture him saying something like that.