culture clash

[Confused81]

If he converted, then he IS a Muslim.

Yes I realise that.... but what Vincenzo said was that a male muslim can marry a non muslim female as long as she converts, but a muslim female cannot marry a non muslim male under ANY exceptions. To me that implies she cannot marry him even if he coverts.

Maybe I mis-interpretted what he was saying?? Not sure, but that's how I read it.

[xxazurexx]

It's been a long time since I read the Qur'an, but from what I remember, a muslim male can marry a non-muslim female, with the expectation that she will soon convert. But a muslim female cannot marry a non-muslim male, no exceptions.

LOL, the Q'ran states they can marry ONLY Chrisitians or Jews. To marry from any other religion is forbidden in the Q'ran.

Nowhere in the Q'ran does it state that a woman has to convert to Islam and if she marries a Muslim man. That is something that they just expect we do

I guy I used to work with who couldn't have been further from Muslim if he tried, married a muslim female. Her family forced him to convert before they married though.

It is true that Muslim females can marry no other than a Muslim male. That is because a Muslim male must always be the head of household. Which is also why a Muslim man can marry a Christian or a female from the Jewish faith - there is a Muslim head of household always.

[xxazurexx]

Yes I realise that.... but what Vincenzo said was that a male muslim can marry a non muslim female as long as she converts, but a muslim female cannot marry a non muslim male under ANY exceptions. To me that implies she cannot marry him even if he coverts.

Of course she can marry him and if he converts.

If he converted, you then have a Muslim as head of the household - kids would be brought up in Islam also.

When I'm thinking back to her story, I think she said this guy was Egyptian Muslim. They could be more lax.....more lax than Pakistanis tend to be anyway and it was a Pakistani guy I was involved with and his family were strict as fook! If he'd taken me home, they'd have had a fit. In fact it was his mum who disowned a son, then when finding out the girl was half Mid Eastern.....oh well bring her home and marry her then. They also disowned a daughter and because she got pregnant before marrying.

On a side note, I agree with Vash. I wouldn't be marrying anyone after only 6 months - particularly not if I had assetts.

[Liam_680]

since he can be your future partner in life but you're not just ready yet, discussing your fears and worries will make him understand that you are not ready and if he is willing to wait plus make things right to lessen your worries then its good to give him that chance.

[Confused81]

Religion is so hard!!! I'm actually really glad I'm not a part of any of it!!!

[ecojeanne]

he's cool about it. i spoke to him and he said it was better to live together for a year and then decide. his family are encouraging marraige but he knows he will lose me if he tries to force his religion on me and so he freaked out a little when he thought i was breaking up with him (his mistake, he mistook what i said) he is a fantastic guy. so i'm happy with the result.

[Kaius]

It all depends on how religious he is, and how strictly he follows his parents and culture. If he is devout and unbending, then your relationship will come to a dead end eventually.
You may be smitten by love and emotions since it's such a new relationship, but the cultural/religious clash is a huge deal to some people. As stated above, one of you will have to change
completely. This eventually leads to resentment for being forced. I don't think it's gonna work, but then again, I'm always wrong about stuff like this so just ignore me.

[ecojeanne]

Also, is this the same guy who would never remain with you overnight and he always disappeared early hours of the morning?

Did you ever find out where he was disappearing too?

yeh actually it was his job. he has a boss that calls him constantly to solve issues, it can be funny sometimes actually. so yeh it's all cool

[xxazurexx]

I've read stories where once these guys marry a woman, they change. At first it's all the lovey dovey stuff and the woman is swept off her feet by his attention - know I was anyway, lol.
But after they marry you, they think they own you and you become their property...
Google some keywords in Google and see....

Still we can't generalise, some marriages will work, some won't.

But am pleased for you, hope it all works out

[Sonrisa]

Eco, do you really want a child that looks like me?

[Lipp]

Just like you have varying degrees of christians you have varying degrees of muslims, so firstly, to what degree is he religious? And how much of a hold does his family have on him?

That's something that you have to ask him straight out, and not just assume. Before that, all the talk about what might happen is just a waste of air.

[Gribble]

He sounds like a real creep if he's trying to marry you after six months...

[reeba]

i can't believe i'm going to defend the muslim culture here, but in respect of my former muslim college roommate i need to set some very out of wack stereotypes ecojeane has straight.

why is everyone on this site automatically assuming he is a good conservative muslim boy from a good conservative muslim family? if he were he sure wouldn't be wanting to marry this woman. dating that is ok for a good muslim especially since he is not deflowering a good muslim girl, but marrying 'ecojeane' would be a huge no no.

so i'm going to assume he is not a good conservative muslim boy, and therefore i say the muslim issues 'ecojeane' is perceiving and stereotyping is her PROBLEM with muslims ANDissues with her natural fears of marrying the wrong person especially after knowing him for a mere 6 months (I think you would change your anti marriage sentiment if you ever do truly meet the right person). Since you have problems with this, DO NOT even consider getting married. In matter of fact, I don't even think you should be dating. I think you are just dating him for your own weird shock factor.

[xxazurexx]

i can't believe i'm going to defend the muslim culture here, but in respect of my former muslim college roommate i need to set some very out of wack stereotypes ecojeane has straight.

why is everyone on this site automatically assuming he is a good conservative muslim boy from a good conservative muslim family? if he were he sure wouldn't be wanting to marry this woman. dating that is ok for a good muslim especially since he is not deflowering a good muslim girl, but marrying 'ecojeane' would be a huge no no.

If he was a good Muslim boy, he WOULDN'T be dating EcoJeannie either. There is no such thing as DATING in Islam - there is no such thing as 'boyfriend and girlfriend nor any form of relationship outside of a 'marriage'......Marriage is the only recognised partner ship between a man and a woman.

[ecojeanne]

I think you are just dating him for your own weird shock factor.

yes coz i usually like to be weird and shock heh...erm that used to be true actually but anyway
actually he's a nice guy and he has a good heart. he's generous with his attention and life. he gets excited about life and he is just adorable and fun to be around. when i compare him to irish lads there is no comparison. irish lads drink for confidence and then they are just a mess to speak to. he's different and he makes me happy. al;tho i do have a different take on life these days. i refuse to see the negative because i spent so much time focussing on it. i'm saying yes to life and that includes him and living in the now. i know that probably sounds crazy but i'm happy and i find i'm able to do anything these days, infact it's freedom for me. i'm not scared of anything therefore i'm not scared or worried about what the future holds, i'll take it as it comes.