Pushy or sweet?

[Gratedwasabi]

I'd see it as being too forward, especially after one date.

But different part of the world ya know.....things are done different here.

You could be right, we'll find out! I'm going with the adage that 'fortune favors the bold.'

I'm going to wait until Friday as she'll be done with her tests for the week and just have easy(ish) class Sat/Sun and then final exams next week. I'll make it very clear that I won't spend more than 30-45 minutes there, just going to bring her dinner, eat, and leave. And if she says she's just too busy, I'll be fine with that. The main thing is that she said maybe, which makes me feel like she wants to but needed to get caught up a bit. Otherwise she would have just said "I'm really just too busy."

I dunno. We'll see. Hopefully it works out.

[reeba]

if you really want to score points, bring dinner over, wish her luck on her tests, and then leave immediately so she can resume studying. total selfless act.

if she is too busy to call you, then she is too busy to spend a night having dinner conversation. wanting a date during finals isn't pushy, it is down right inconsiderate.

[Boisdevie]

If you have strong feelings for someone then go for it. Why not - life is way to short to play games.

[Take2]

I would probably hold off. I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice...but he was a bit pushy during that first date, just a little too much future talk and a little too much acting like we were already a couple. I was willing to wait and see, maybe he was nervous. But he started texting all the time, calling all the time. Offering to do things for me. And he knew I liked Indian food and offered to make me homemade naan and tikka masala. Which I know is a lot of time and effort. I was busy, so then he offered to make it and just drop it off for me. And that was the final straw. I was feeling smothered and we hadn't even made it to the second date.

Now, this dude was also quite clingy and everything about him seemed a bit desperate for love. If you could remove that from the equation, it might well have changed everything. But I would probably err on the side of not scaring her off. Bringing over a complex dish while she studies could be sweet or it could be refusing to respect her boundaries and pace.

[Gratedwasabi]

I would probably hold off. I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice...but he was a bit pushy during that first date, just a little too much future talk and a little too much acting like we were already a couple. I was willing to wait and see, maybe he was nervous. But he started texting all the time, calling all the time. Offering to do things for me. And he knew I liked Indian food and offered to make me homemade naan and tikka masala. Which I know is a lot of time and effort. I was busy, so then he offered to make it and just drop it off for me. And that was the final straw. I was feeling smothered and we hadn't even made it to the second date.

Now, this dude was also quite clingy and everything about him seemed a bit desperate for love. If you could remove that from the equation, it might well have changed everything. But I would probably err on the side of not scaring her off. Bringing over a complex dish while she studies could be sweet or it could be refusing to respect her boundaries and pace.

I think both points in this thread are valid. My intent is simply to do something nice for her and if that's how she saw it, she'd probably be thrilled. Then again, we've gone on one date so if she sees it as "this dude knows I'm super busy and he can't even wait?" it probably wouldn't work out well.

I think I'll just wait until Sunday, send her a brief "good luck with your final exams, I'm sure you'll do great!" text and see what kind of response she gives and go from there. She is off from school and clinic for a month after next week so I'll have chances then, don't want to blow it now by being impatient; even if my intent is good. And if she responds flirtatiously, I'll throw in the offer to give her a brief dinner break if she desires. I think that's probably a safe way to go; a well-meaning, non-pushy text and then play off her response.

Thank you all for the interesting responses, it's neat seeing the differing viewpoints of people of different genders, ages, and countries. And you're all super helpful!

[damn2010]

Trust me dude, do NOT push yourself in there especially after one date!

I'm a nice guy like you but I have recognized recently I have come off as TOO excited, too anxious very early on and it is a BAD PATH. You will fail with the girl. Especially one focused on Med School! I have had two failed relationships because I got clingy and too forward too early. Granted, the girls had issues too, but I know I came across as desperate and I have worked very hard to change that.

Take a deep breath and remember "less is more" and you can never TAKE away spending too much time with someone early on. You will smother the girl and she will run from you. Keep it light in the beginning and she will beg for more.

Personally, I would just call her up, tell her you made some dinner and offer to drop it off as you go off somewhere else (doesn't matter if you're just going back home, tell her you're going to the store or something or whatever). And like reeba said, drop it off, wish her luck and LEAVE. Even if she asks you to stay for a little, tell her you have to go. Less is more. I guarantee you she will be thinking, "Wow, this guy is a good cook and respects my space and schoolwork." She will want to see ASAP after the stress of her exams is done.

[Take2]

I think you are making the right choice. I just want to say that this patience and reserve isn't forever. My current bf does sweet and helpful things all the time and I am always elated and grateful and it makes me feel even closer to him. You just need some time to get to know her better so she'll be sure to take it that way

[Gratedwasabi]

Just as an update, she actually texted me this morning to setup a date for next week so my problem is solved. Going bowling and dinner, which should be fun considering we're both awful at bowling. I'm also 100% sure she's a pretty shy and slow-paced (relationship wise) girl as she preferred to meet me at the place instead of my picking her up (which I'm completely cool with.)