What Is Wrong With Me? I NEED Help Please

[learningman]

I am not at all opposed to therapy; I want to be better. Although, I do worry that I couldn't afford a quality therapist. And while I do want to change my thought process, closing my social media account presents an issue. Not long ago, I moved from where my close network of friends is for a job. Now social media is the only way for me to talk to these people that I care about and stay in their loop. I went through a period where I stopped using the account, but I ended up out of the loop from a lot of friends. But, if I make it so I'm not online friends with the girl I'm dating she's going to find that weird and insulting.

My other question is: Is there anything wrong with being put off/turned off by girls that do a lot of clubbing/bars? Especially when its obvious that they consistently drink and probably do a lot of hooking up w/ guys I get totally put off. Is that wrong? It makes me feel like they're easy and don't value themselves enough and that these are habits they probably can't change. As if they constantly need approval from men at these scenes and want the physical stuff too from a bunch of guys. I don't do the bar/club thing hardly at all. It makes me feel like these girls that do a bunch of this could never really be trusted.

[sweetkissesforu]

I don't think you mentioned anywhere that you recognize that you're out of line to feel that way. I mean, you know you're being somewhat irrational, right?

You need to work on respecting boundaries and having more self-control. And maybe having a little more respect for the women you date. What makes you think she is/was banging all those guys you see in her photos? Do you know for a fact that she's promiscuous? If she is, that doesn't sound like something you can handle at this point, so consider breaking it off. But you're overstepping your boundaries if you're getting insane over who she might have slept with in the past (or even presently. You're not officially her boyfriend.) It's not your business, don't even think about it. Self-control.

I don't think you should just accept the fact that you're like this and only date girls who are pure and chaste. I don't know how old you are, but the older you get, the smaller your dating pool is going to get. Almost all adults have some sort of romantic past.

i agree with you

[RdHrshyKss]

My other question is: Is there anything wrong with being put off/turned off by girls that do a lot of clubbing/bars? Especially when its obvious that they consistently drink and probably do a lot of hooking up w/ guys I get totally put off. Is that wrong? It makes me feel like they're easy and don't value themselves enough and that these are habits they probably can't change. As if they constantly need approval from men at these scenes and want the physical stuff too from a bunch of guys. I don't do the bar/club thing hardly at all. It makes me feel like these girls that do a bunch of this could never really be trusted.

i don't think it's fair to generalize/stereotype. i'm sure there are some girls who go to clubs/bars that aren't like this. but my experience with those places is that people who go there LOOKING for a partner are what you say...insecure, needing approval, and looking for some action for the wrong reasons. if your gf is this kind of person...always needing attention, no matter what kind of attention it is and at whatever cost, then you would probably be better off looking for someone else.

does you job offer benefits...you might be able to find a therapist that your insurance will cover.

[girl68]

I am not at all opposed to therapy; I want to be better. Although, I do worry that I couldn't afford a quality therapist. And while I do want to change my thought process, closing my social media account presents an issue. Not long ago, I moved from where my close network of friends is for a job. Now social media is the only way for me to talk to these people that I care about and stay in their loop. I went through a period where I stopped using the account, but I ended up out of the loop from a lot of friends. But, if I make it so I'm not online friends with the girl I'm dating she's going to find that weird and insulting.

You just made a boatload of excuses... makes me think you're not THAT serious.

My other question is: Is there anything wrong with being put off/turned off by girls that do a lot of clubbing/bars?

No, there isn't but if you have an issue you better choose girls who don't not dismiss it, get the girl and complain about her habits. But boy watch it I love a good party I love to drink and I love to get it on with my girls in the club. I'm not easy, I'm not a sleaze and am fully trustworthy, and I fully respect myself so don't project your insecurities onto girls who know how to party.

[blent]

You don't need therapy or any of that nonsense. You're a young guy... every guy feels the same way because we know how other guys think. You're not afraid of what the girl does you're afraid of what the guys around her will do. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, the trick is just not to get so attached to a girl in the beginning, have fun with her and if you both eventually decide you want something more serious later on then maybe you can discuss things like this together.