What does it mean when a man doesn’t mind other women doing certain things...

[Unknowngi]

I don't know If I'm just like him or if all guys are like this but if
1. Your boyfriend thinks that some dresses look good on girls then obviously he won't want you to wear them because you would attract other guys. I'll tell you the truth. Guys are afraid that girls might leave them because this world is full of surprises, who knows you might find a guy who loves you even more than he does, then you're bound to leave him.
2. He used to date a stripper thats ok but did he really loved that stripper ? ofc no because he is with you now. Pole dancing is not a decent act and if a guy lets you do that, then that means he thinks of you nothing more than his booty call.
3. Well if your friend does want to get a boob job then thats okay. He has nothing to be insecure about here rather than being attracted to her after she gets the boob job :p lol. The only reason he wants her not to get a boob job is because he might think its not the right thing to do, and even if you search the internet, most of the guys say its not a good thing to have.
4. You can just tell him that I'm not a child and I don't need your approval. I know that you love me a lot and I love you back but I just won't leave you for someone who doesn't love me like you do so you need to calm down and let me do what I want because if I've got a life of my own.
5. If i was the guy and If I knew your character for e.g if you really loved me I would say, ok then I'll start flirting with random girls all around me even though I still love you.
6. The way you explain things you really make me feel that the love between you guys is not something thats going to last. Because it depends on these small meaningless things. If you really loved him and he really loved you there would've been nothing that could break you guys apart. + what seems here is that He loves you but he's insecure because he knows that you don't love him back the way he does.

[cancankant]

As for the clothes, he's jealous of other men looking at you the way he looks at other women. That's insecurity.

Pole dancing class? See above. I'm not sure he's afraid you'd become a stripper or anything, but he's insecure. I'd assure him it's for fitness and fun and take the class.

As for outfits, maybe meet in the middle? I usually wear what I want, though.

[vashti]

Honestly bro, how many women do you see out there with:

-fake hair extensions
-fake nails
-push up bras
-butt enhancers....
-too much make-up around the eyes...I mean could this be false advertising?

How can it be called "false advertising" if you KNOW they have fake hair extensions, fake nails, fake boobs and butts, and heavy makeup?

[SecretlySad]

(1) Why can't YOU pick better men to be with? While everyone has their flaws: controlling machismo jerk-offs shouldn't be at
the top of your list, should it?

I grew up in a home where I was put down and constantly told I would never become anything and that I was useless. My mom was so afraid of my dad that she let it go on. I have been beaten down my whole life. You start to believe things like this after a while. They say girls go for men that are like their fathers. There you have it. I know I have the choice nowadays to choose a different path, but it’s hard shaking it.

(2) How ironic...YOU want him to change for YOU just as he wants you to change for him, do you see that?

I don’t really see him feeling secure in our relationship as me making him change. We have been together for years and I have never given him ANY reason to distrust me.

I was very young, more or less fresh out of high school when we met, and he was pushing 40 and already well established. Over the years I have become a completely different person, I think in a good way, and with that I have changed my look over the years, and become more curious and open about things like the pole dancing class. 10 years ago I would have turned my nose up at something like that. My change is natural as far as I’m concerned.

(3) Last, if you don't like being treated like a child -then act like a mature adult/woman -not like a passive aggressive
pet cattle

I do act like a mature adult.

[SecretlySad]

Let's say a wife wanted to do all these things: breast enlargement surgery, sexy clothes, pole-dancing class. Wouldn't a guy be reasonably concerned that his wife wants so much attention from other guys?

Why is it always assumed that women do these things for MEN? This may be shocking, but it’s not always about you men. Sometimes we actually do these things for US, to make ourselves feel good.

[SelflessnHumble]

How can it be called "false advertising" if you KNOW they have fake hair extensions, fake nails, fake boobs and butts, and heavy makeup?

I forgot to include fake eye lashes as well but seriously.
If a women is having to put on a new face because she doesn't like the one I will wake up to in the morning what does that tell me about her?
A push up bra is definitely false advertising.
Fake nails is not technically false advertising but it says I need fake nails to enhance my appearance.
Fake boobs isn't false advertising but it screams fake to me.
I like a natural woman. Not a plastic one.

[SelflessnHumble]

I grew up in a home where I was put down and constantly told I would never become anything and that I was useless. My mom was so afraid of my dad that she let it go on. I have been beaten down my whole life. You start to believe things like this after a while. They say girls go for men that are like their fathers. There you have it. I know I have the choice nowadays to choose a different path, but it’s hard shaking it.

I'm glad you realized this (in bold)
See as an adult you can no longer blame your childhood nor what you were subjected to...
This isn't your man's problem and he shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
It also means YOU shouldn't also have to suffer based on past experiences.
Some people just don't know how to be assertive because of (excuses) like "he will leave" or some BS like that.

I don’t really see him feeling secure in our relationship as me making him change. We have been together for years and I have never given him ANY reason to distrust me.

This is irrelevant. My point is that you want him to change just as he wants you to change for him (see the pattern?)
Meaning you've just previously mentioned how you've been the victim when you were younger yet
you still seem to play the victim card based on what you were subjected to. (even if this is what he was subjected to)
It is irrelevant...What is relevant is that his behavior is indicative of a cheater. Cheaters usually reveal their guilt by imposing it on their partner.

I do act like a mature adult.

What I mean is: a mature adult address the concerns and issues within the relationship for a resolution.
You're not supposed to enable his behavior by doing what your mother did...

See, if you allow this behavior and him to control you?
You aren't a mature adult and you aren't an assertive woman who is in control of her own life.
I'm thinking you are not wanting to risk him leaving you so you keep your mouth shut.
Sadly this is what your mother did as well. Look at what it did to you. Stop the cycle before
your children manifest the same traits you've introduced into your life.

[SecretlySad]

I'm thinking you are not wanting to risk him leaving you so you keep your mouth shut.

It’s not so much the concern about him leaving me, but more about avoiding the fight (yes, just like my mother used to do).

It’s just not worth the pain. He completely shuts me out. Doesn’t want to talk about anything. Doesn’t have time for “drama”, as he calls any kind of relationship talk. If I am going to be in a bad mood he doesn’t want to be around me.

Once he didn’t speak to me for 2 whole days. Do you know what that’s like, someone you live with not speaking to you for 2 days? It would be easier if we didn’t live together, I could just go back to my house and we could have some space, but we are crammed together in a small apartment.

[SelflessnHumble]

It’s not so much the concern about him leaving me, but more about avoiding the fight (yes, just like my mother used to do).

So you tell me...is this what you want?
Because it is certainly what you are choosing to do. (avoid confrontation) which usually means
a new layer of experience will be made. It sounds like you don't want him to leave.

It’s just not worth the pain. He completely shuts me out. Doesn’t want to talk about anything. Doesn’t have time for “drama”, as he calls any kind of relationship talk. If I am going to be in a bad mood he doesn’t want to be around me.

He makes excuses because he is a little boy and you make excuses for HIM so he can worm his way out of being held accountable
for the pain and affliction he causes...I wouldn't want to be around someone who is in a bad mood either so it stands to reason...
The difference is: if my girl is in a bad mood I sit down and talk to her about it. I don't talk at her, I don't point the finger...I
just simply listen to her. If he is unwilling to do the same for you then he doesn't respect you plain and simple.

Once he didn’t speak to me for 2 whole days. Do you know what that’s like, someone you live with not speaking to you for 2 days? It would be easier if we didn’t live together, I could just go back to my house and we could have some space, but we are crammed together in a small apartment.

Yes I know what that is like.
It means both of you are terrible for one another.
Unfortunately you have a lease and I suspect not enough money to break it and have one or the other move out.

In that case you made a bad decision and knew of his piss poor behavior but simply allowed it to go on unchecked and unchallenged...Now because you reach some sort of breaking point do you honestly expect him to suddenly have to change when you've allowed this crap behavior to go on while you sat there and bit your tongue? Nope. Not going to happen.

Stop making excuses and start writing down how you feel.
Then sit him down at the table and tell him you need to talk to him about your feelings.
IF he refuses or acts like a coward (ducking responsibility) then he doesn't respect you nor love you enough to
afford you a platform where you can voice your concerns because you love him.

Make sense?

If you really want out of this relationship there is a way:
I suspect you aren't willing to take it.

[VincenzoG91]

[QUOTE=SelflessnHumble;663560]2nd, I know a handful of women who don't have daddy issues...QUOTE]

It's a safe bet that the OP has daddy issues, since her boyfriend was already 40 when she graduated from high school. This isn't about her doing what she wants, this is about rebelling against her new father figure.

[vashti]

It's a safe bet that the OP has daddy issues, since her boyfriend was already 40 when she graduated from high school.

Seriously? ugh.

Little girl - you have bigger problems than making daddy mad.

[SecretlySad]

Seriously? ugh.

Little girl - you have bigger problems than making daddy mad.

Such as?

If you had read my post, Vincenzo, you would have seen that I wrote he was pushing 40.

I probably shouldn’t have said I was “more or less fresh out” of school, but I felt like it. I hadn’t even been out for 3 years - he was 38 and I was 21.

[VincenzoG91]

Oh, I guess that's not quite as extreme. Still, Adam Carolla had a point when he observed that a lot of strippers and porn stars have daddy issues. I won't ask you about your dad, but it's something for you to consider.

[SecretlySad]

Adam Carolla had a point when he observed that a lot of strippers and porn stars have daddy issues.

You think I want to be a stripper/porn star?

[cancankant]

Then move out and get your own place.

It’s not so much the concern about him leaving me, but more about avoiding the fight (yes, just like my mother used to do).

It’s just not worth the pain. He completely shuts me out. Doesn’t want to talk about anything. Doesn’t have time for “drama”, as he calls any kind of relationship talk. If I am going to be in a bad mood he doesn’t want to be around me.

Once he didn’t speak to me for 2 whole days. Do you know what that’s like, someone you live with not speaking to you for 2 days? It would be easier if we didn’t live together, I could just go back to my house and we could have some space, but we are crammed together in a small apartment.

Your guy wants to control you. Not good. You should be able to take fitness classes you want without checking in with him. Honestly, I'd look into one of those poles you install in the house and "practice" at home. Maybe he'd like the pole dancing fitness class then. As for outfits, some guys don't like "too sexy", but if he wants you to look like a school marm, then he's got security issues. Other men don't want their girlfriends to be considered "slutty" or "skanky" or even attainable or available to other men. It seems he equates sexy clothing with these feelings. You are a bit younger than him, and I think he's insecure about it. If you dressed sexy (i.e. form fitting t shirt and nice slim fit, but not super tight, jeans), would he be upset? Does he want you to wear "frumpy" clothes? Most guys don't want their girlfriends decked out like Lil Kim or Pam Anderson, but a casual or upscale outfit that's got some sex appeal is usually welcome.

As for the boob job thing, I know my husband likes busty women, but he HATES fake "boob job" breasts. It's an instant turn off for him. I've joked about it in the past (even though I'm a decent size), and he wrinkles his nose. Most guys like "natural looking" boobs. So maybe that is the way your friend's husband feels. He wants the "real thing", not fakes.

As for makeup, nails, etc. --- I enjoy that and do it primarily for myself. My husband is rather easy to please. He doesn't care about makeup, hair (as long as it's groomed, etc.), high heels and clothes most of the time. He prefers jeans & a girly fit tshirt, honestly, but sometimes I want to wear something else, and so I do. I don't go out of my way to wear things he absolutely hates, though. That would just be dumb.