Is it over, or does she just need space?

[turbomx3]

Thanks for the advice I guess we both have to take care of ourselves. We always feel we're best for thge other person but only they know whats best for them! I'm still not sure whether to remain my ex's friend. How aboput you? How is your situation? I gues the thing is you can only be true to yourself you only get one life to live so if you think there's no chance have faith (read this on a diffeerent thread) not hope, hope can bring a let down whereas faith is ongoing. Have faith that she may realise the stress she's causing as i'll have faith that my ex see's mine! Always remember the big box which says Handle with care imagine the box is your soul & love and if someone can't read the words then you will have to handle the box yourself till you find someone who can read!

I feel a lot stronger today thats the thing i'm realising when i don't speak to my ex i'm so cool thats probaby why I have never stayed friends with an ex. And your right i'm gonna stick with my friends as the have held me up when i was drowning and will continue to do this till i learn how to swim again!

[turbomx3]

Your words are so true i have to come first as do you and what you feel! Only she knows if she wishes to have a relationship but only we truly know if we can or want to be friends. You probably think I'm a bit cold about my Ex not cold just logical I dopn't want to be her friend after 2 1/2 years it'll hurt too much talking to her seeing her even speaking to her! it's good to feel the pain but it can't rule me it can't dictate to me who I am and what my next relationship is going to be like or even my friendships their all my own choices and ones I have to make with an open soul and heart. And when I love next (And I will love again) whenever that may be I will do so completly and if i get hurt I will get hurt.

How is your situation today? Not to hard I hope? Things will get better ok? I'll take care of myself you just promise to do the same!

[wholenote]

I'm hanging in there, thanks for asking... I realize my pain comes from three things: a) I miss her; b) I worry that it's over; c) low blood sugar.

Don't laugh, but that last one is often the real truth--- and it's going to be the subject of a new thread, coming up...

[turbomx3]

a:It's good to miss it shows you feel!
B:I know the feeling but There's not much either of us can really do to change their mind (not helpful I know) I haven't contacted my ex since Saturday but each day does get easier! man I got to see her on Sunday and i'm still not sure about being friends!
C: Is that diabetic related as my mum was one and i know she wasn't supposed to get to stressed out about stuff!

If C is the case that means your allowing the person (not her fault) to affect you not only emotionally but physically. Maybe you should just not meet her for a while or meet her and explain the situation and tell her you just can't be around her for a while explain it's nothing she's really done but you got to put yourself first! Remember though once you tell her you can't be around her there pretty much is no room to turn back without hurting yourself!

[wholenote]

No, I'm not diabetic or especially hypo-glycemic... I've just found that eating well, despite loss of appetite while bummed, is essential to dealing with things.

Yeah, I've thought about telling her that *I* need space, but I agree that it has it's drawbacks. Especially when I really don't want it--- it's like the rockclimbing guy who had to cut off a limb to save the rest of himself. Really a last resort, but sometimes the only real answer. I'm not ready to go there...yet.

I actually have not had a lot of contact with her this week, and I'm doing so-so. I went on a date with someone else last night, just dinner and hanging out for drinks. Nothing intense. It felt good to be getting on with things, rather than sitting around and moping, but I thought about my heartthrob a lot...a little too much, I'm sure. At least I didn't dive into a crazy "rebound sex" thing--- that would've left me feeling quite empty.

[wholenote]

Update: it's over. Over. Over. Over.

What can I say? I was just in denial and hanging on to the notion that after she felt better about the rest of her life, she'd remember how amazing our relationship was and be able to go back.

I really was sensing that she was just being tortured by trying to be 'friends' even, with me, and I sat her down and we discussed it. She has been uncomfortable all along, and cannot explain why her feelings for me shut down. She assured me that a couple weeks ago, her feelings were on the same page as mine, but after all the work trauma, etc., she said the feelings are gone. She's feeling better about work and life, but drawing a big blank on me.

So, we agreed to cut everything off for the foreseeable future. Given her feelings, or lack thereof, it's a good decision. However, I'm utterly crushed and broken-hearted. To her credit, she let me say my piece and listened.

One clue into her psyche is that she's been on my end of this sort of thing several times, and while she admits that it hurts, she feels it's all pretty 'normal'. She doesn't find it unusual for one party to decide literally overnight that the feelings are gone. For my part, I don't fall out of love that easily--- hell, I don't fall out of LIKE that easily--- so I cannot identify with the notion of waking up one morning and not wanting to be with someone I've just spent some amazing, wonderful times with.

So, that's the end of my thread--- It's all over except for the grieving. I told her tonight that the only thing harder than losing a lover is losing both a friend and a lover...

[turbomx3]

Man i'm sorry to hear that! I have to say i like you do not understand that falling out of love stuff either I mean I don't think I ever fell out of love i'm like you I kinda love someone or I don't as do I either like someone or i don't there's no hmmmmm go to bed I love her wake up I don't! I spoke to one of my female friends who said that she has fallen out of love and she explained it to me but my brain really does not take it in at all! Yeah the eating well is essential don't turn into some kind of stick insect!

Broken hearts suck there's no cure no doctor can provide a cure no hypnotist can make it better but there is time and I guarantee that in time you'll be cool. It will hurt at first but as each day passes the feelings will ease. go on your dates but don't look at them as such (thats just pressure). Enjoy the company and remember their with you because they want to be because to them you are special & if something happens then it will, if not then it won't! Hangout with friends and family and

Man I've got to tell my ex on Sunday that I don't actually want to be friends with her because it's crap to see someone, talk to someone and laugh with someone you once/do love so much. Plus as a girlfriend she didn't really truly bring that much to my life so I'm gonna totally cut her loose. Plus as I say she has the decision if we stay together but it's mine to accept her as a friend. Plus I haven't called her since Monday and i'm not really missing hearing her voice (shew used to always talk about herself). Man I sound like some resentful guy, I'm not I'm just lucky due to my up bringing of growing up with 2 bro's and 1 sis and getting a whipping was part of life (i'm cool about my upbringing so don't sweat it) i've still got this thing where i can turn off my feelings and just not care.

Anyway YOU KEEP EATING HEALTHLY OK! I don't wanna see a thread from you saying I'm really the skinniest man alive what can i do?

[wholenote]

Just a little update:

A few days after my last post (where I finally admitted to myself that it was over) I came to a real milestone in my life... I realized that I had been wanting to quit my job for awhile, and this woman was one of the reasons I had been staying around. Well, given how painful it has been to be in her general proximity, but unable to have any sort of meaningful contact, it suddenly became clear that it was time to leave.

So I gave notice, and my last day was the 17th. (No worries about work; I've got plenty going on.) I did decide that I had nothing to lose in trying to leave things on a higher note with my ex-whatever-she-was... Besides, I had a Christmas present for her that I'd bought a couple months ago.

I emailed her, and said, "in the spirit of how we met and became friends, I hope you'll have a little bon-voyage lunch with me"--- and told her I would understand if she declined, but would be honored if she accepted. She wrote right back with an enthusiastic 'yes'.

We went out the next day, and I mentioned nothing of our past, nor any emotional stuff. I told her of my future work plans, and we laughed a lot about stupid (good) everyday stuff.

I gave her two presents--- one was a CD of my music that was more "personal" than the work-related stuff she's previously heard. She really liked that, and I told her that it was the best way to remember me, as there's a piece of my soul in that stuff. The other present was a certificate for a 90-minute professional massage, which she can order up whenever she wants in her home. That went over real well, too.

Our parting words were kind and mutually supportive. My goal was, again, to leave a good last impression, as previously things could hardly have been worse. I think we accomplished that. We did promise to keep in touch--- I did tell her the only thing that would make me mad is to find out someday that she moved away without telling me. She thanked me for, as she put it, "hanging out" these past few months, and that she "had so much fun".

I sent her a 'happy holidays' email on the 23rd, but otherwise have had no further contact, and I have no plans for any more in the forseeable future.

It's been a rough couple of days, because of Christmas holiday blues type-of-thing... I think I've gone through all the stages of grieving about 4 times in the past month. The main things I'm trying to do now is to accept that she's no longer a part of my life, and to also banish from my mind and heart the lingering hope I sometimes find myself clinging to--- this tiny hope that she will have an epiphany in a few months and come back--- I know it's not worth the energy and pain to entertain such a concept. But the last few days have been really stinking hard in this respect.

I guess the holidays magnify everything. It's too easy to imagine all the amazing times we could/should be having, based upon our past. I know what she's doing, too--- there's no one else in her life, and she's just holed up, being a loner, and playing endless World of Warcraft...kind of escaping from reality, I guess.

More than one person has suggested that she's scared of a promising good relationship, and ours had enough potential that she had to run and hide. It fits, and in an odd way helps validate my sense of how good this could've been, but in the long run, the reality is that she's unavailable to me. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Oh well--- back to MY reality--- I've got a couple cool jobs lined up for January, and a little traveling. Hopefully now that we won't be in the same building every day anymore, it will be a little easier to shake her off of me.

So far, I have been entirely unsuccessful at this though...