Can't stop Thinking about him

[hazeleyes]

I know I have to forget him & move on, but it's freaking frustrating when I should hate him and not care but the first thing I think about when I wake up is him and also cause I feel this way for some guy I barely knew when he doesn't give a shit about me. Also, I still have no idea what to tell my mother. Everytime I think about it I just hear her telling me ''this is the guy I want for you. don't mess this up.'' There's no way I can tell her he said it's my fault cause she will never let me forget it. So that's when I really feel bad cause I didn't stop smoking when he said too and cause he says I "rushed" it. Now I feel maybe I was too open with him, but when you say things like ''u are a joy my love'' ''you are my queen'' ''holding u in my arms will be bliss'' ''i love u so much'' what the hell does he expect me to say ''ok cool'' and not feel anything. Then he has the balls to say ''oh maybe when you stop hanging around your pothead friends and your head isn't clouded with smoke you'll understand'' I was about to flip on him, but I decided I was gonna act like a lady and not let him get to me and brush it off. Also stressed cause since I did decide to stop smoking I'm still going to do it when I told him I was, which he said he'd he help me and support me, and now I have to do it alone. All he says now is to keep him posted on how I'm doing with it cause he'll be proud of me and will make him smile. I'm like well I'm not smiling you asshole.

[xxazurexx]

How would your mother know and if he's the guy for you or not? Has she actually met him? How many times?

Your smoking was just an excuse I think. If he'd really liked/loved you, he'd have helped you along the way, not dump you.

After this, came the 'We moved too fast' excuse. What that means is, he now feels a silly twat and for saying he loved you, he wanted to be with you, everything was gonna be bliss, you were his Queen, etc, etc, etc.....because it isn't what he is feeling now. You see he was actually filling your head with all that crap and BEFORE he ever even met you. In truth and while we think we may have found a connection online, we don't really know and how we are going to feel about this person and until we meet them in 'real life'.....
You can't say honestly say that there will be feelings or that you love someone and until we meet them for real. And that is why whenever an online guy tells you he loves you.....beware!!! He's spewing crap.

Tell him nothing. If he's wanting to know how you are, he will be the one to come to you.

[SelflessnHumble]

Since I thought he was my man for real and cared I felt it wasn't a problem when we did it. But afterwards I was worried and I did ask him on our way to his job (not that he would tell me the truth) but he said he didn't think I was easy and we had been talking about it online so it was all good. I didn't meet him on a dating site. I didn't even want a new boyfriend which is why it took him over three months to finally get to me. He requested me as a friend on facebook and I accepted because we had one mutual friend and I thought they knew each other personally. After I accepted he started to message me on the chat. I wasn't attracted to him until I caught feelings than I didn't care about age and I thought he cute. Why I miss him even though he played me..I don't know. I miss how I felt with him & how happy I was, though it was all fake, but I was still happy. I keep telling myself I can do better, he played me, he doesn't deserve me, but I can't control how I feel and I just miss him.

You obviously thought wrong...look at the end result of your decision?
It never feels wrong when you do it...Talking online means nothing. Not wanting a boyfriend doesn't
mean anything since it is entirely conceivable for anyone to change their mind just as you'd done.
You bought into his BS and this was the result. You miss him because:

You WANT to miss him...Your heart lies to you and tells you without him you'll be nothing, so you
crave the feeling when you two were happy together -obviously you can't think about now or tomorrow because
ONLY the past holds anything you did "have" with this guy -because it's now over. You refuse to see this
hence, you won't DO what you must do-which is move on. You can control how you feel, despite your assumption
emotions control YOU. You lied to yourself: and this is the result.

Never follow your heart: LEAD it instead.
2nd, he chased you because he wanted you (as in sex)
You miss a piece of shit liar who conned and used you strictly for affection and sex.
And discarded you when he no longer wanted you (not needed) and yet you miss him?

This means you need help, nor you have low self esteem, a low sense of self worth
or have abandonment issues where you blame yourself for what other people choose to do.

I don't think you want help: you want to vent here for support but without
taking accountability for your poor choice in having sex with an out of state acquaintance you never truly knew.
Now that you know more about him: you are willing to overlook this truth just to have a taste of
the way he was with you...This is back asswards.

[hazeleyes]

How would your mother know and if he's the guy for you or not? Has she actually met him? How many times?

She's never met him, just spoke to him on the phone when he picked me up from the airport, saw some texts saying he loves me and saw his pictures on his facebook page, and since some of his pics show him in suits and he looks like the classy, business type, and that's what she wants for me, she wants me with him. Even spent about $400 buying me new clothes to wear when I went to see him and for nothing. So now I'm like shit what do I say ''yea mom all that for nothing cause he just used me for sex" Then she'll probably start bitching cause not even a hour after we got to the apt, we were in the bedroom, and now he lost all respect for me and that's why we broke up. Even though I slept with him on Christmas and everything was cool until Saturday, I just feel that's what I'll hear and I'll just feel worse about it. I don't know if I should just tell her now or pretend everything's okay & keep getting asked how he's doing and when we're getting married until I have no choice but to say something.

Your smoking was just an excuse I think. If he'd really liked/loved you, he'd have helped you along the way, not dump you.

After this, came the 'We moved too fast' excuse. What that means is, he now feels a silly twat and for saying he loved you, he wanted to be with you, everything was gonna be bliss, you were his Queen, etc, etc, etc.....because it isn't what he is feeling now. You see he was actually filling your head with all that crap and BEFORE he ever even met you. In truth and while we think we may have found a connection online, we don't really know and how we are going to feel about this person and until we meet them in 'real life'.....
You can't say honestly say that there will be feelings or that you love someone and until we meet them for real. And that is why whenever an online guy tells you he loves you.....beware!!! He's spewing crap.

I'm sure the smoking was an excuse, but I still can't help but feel either I should have stopped sooner or just lied then maybe he would have really caught feelings for me. I know now that I didn't really love him b4 we met. I think I just loved how I was feeling and the way he was with me. I know this now cause it didn't hit me until the last time I saw him & we were cuddled on the couch watching tv, and I felt all these emotions for him and that's when I began to fall in love for real. Everyday after I felt it more since we had met, been intimate and all that. I'm just feeling a mix of emotions right now..upset and hurt cause he lied and used me. Sad cause I miss him and it's over. Stressed cause now I have to stop and do it alone and what my mother is going to say.

[hazeleyes]

You WANT to miss him...Your heart lies to you and tells you without him you'll be nothing, so you
crave the feeling when you two were happy together -obviously you can't think about now or tomorrow because
ONLY the past holds anything you did "have" with this guy -because it's now over. You refuse to see this
hence, you won't DO what you must do-which is move on. You can control how you feel, despite your assumption
emotions control YOU. You lied to yourself: and this is the result.

Never follow your heart: LEAD it instead.
2nd, he chased you because he wanted you (as in sex)
You miss a piece of shit liar who conned and used you strictly for affection and sex.
And discarded you when he no longer wanted you (not needed) and yet you miss him?

This means you need help, nor you have low self esteem, a low sense of self worth
or have abandonment issues where you blame yourself for what other people choose to do.

I don't think you want help: you want to vent here for support but without
taking accountability for your poor choice in having sex with an out of state acquaintance you never truly knew.
Now that you know more about him: you are willing to overlook this truth just to have a taste of
the way he was with you...This is back asswards.

I do miss him, I don't want to miss him. I hate feeling like this when I should say f*ck him he ain't shit on to the next, and there are times when I do feel that, but then it goes back to I miss him. I can't stop it, it has to go away on it's own, and it will hopefully soon. I don't want help, if he doesn't care, I don't want him back. It will take time to get over him, no one ever made me feel that way before and I'm just letting everything out that I feel because I can't say it to him. Yea, I messed up, I f*cked him too soon, I fell for his shit, but like I said I believed everything he told me because I wanted to think he wouldn't lie to me.

[SelflessnHumble]

I don't want to miss him. Yea, I messed up, I f*cked him too soon, I fell for his shit, but like I said I believed everything he told me because I wanted to think he wouldn't lie to me.

You don't understand what I am saying here...
Who chose to feel the pain, hurt, anger and resentment all of which derive from the decisions you've made??? YOU, that's who.
No one forced you to feel this way...HE didn't force you (do you see this fact yet?) YOU chose to have sex, you chose to fall for him
you chose to throw your intuition in the trash blindly just so that you would do everything in your power to beLIEve everything he "told" you!

He never affirmed his "words" did he? (Nope)
You feel for classic manipulation but because you didn't seem to give a shit about the fact checking, using reason and logic
you used emotions to overlook the signs he used you...Again, YOU chose this...You reap what you sow.

Even now, you are lying to yourself so that you don't have to face the truth: he sucks, he used you, he's no good...
YET you are actually willfully wanting him to be with you again due to your FALSE sense of reality which should tell you:

A liar, a cheat, a con artist, a deceitful manipulator "makes" you *feel* good???

[xxazurexx]

She's never met him, just spoke to him on the phone when he picked me up from the airport, saw some texts saying he loves me and saw his pictures on his facebook page, and since some of his pics show him in suits and he looks like the classy, business type, and that's what she wants for me, she wants me with him. Even spent about $400 buying me new clothes to wear when I went to see him and for nothing.

I think it's still unwise and to trust someone, based upon the facts you give. End of the day, neither of you had ever met this guy in 'real' life and knew nothing about him or his 'real' life. His photos could have even been fake and for all you and your mum knew. You know they weren't 'fake' and now since you met him, but before you met him you didn't know for sure. Your mum sounds like you, too trusting of people also.

My mother was complete the opposite and when I told her about my online guy. She would tell me to be careful. She'd tell me that I didn't know who he really was and that he could be anybody....married with kids even. That his pics could be fake, etc. She issued CAUTION.

So now I'm like shit what do I say ''yea mom all that for nothing cause he just used me for sex" Then she'll probably start bitching cause not even a hour after we got to the apt, we were in the bedroom, and now he lost all respect for me and that's why we broke up. Even though I slept with him on Christmas and everything was cool until Saturday, I just feel that's what I'll hear and I'll just feel worse about it. I don't know if I should just tell her now or pretend everything's okay & keep getting asked how he's doing and when we're getting married until I have no choice but to say something.

Just say that he'd looked nothing like his pics. I could think of many reasons, as to why I wasn't seeing a guy again. But at my age I no longer have to answer to my mum....lol

I'm sure the smoking was an excuse, but I still can't help but feel either I should have stopped sooner or just lied then maybe he would have really caught feelings for me.

Caught feelings for you? But I thought he told you that he had feelings before he met you??

It was an excuse. Strange that your smoking wasn't a problem and prior to him having sex with you. It all became a problem and after the sex....lol
If he'd had 'real' feelings he wouldn't have blown you out....end of.

I know now that I didn't really love him b4 we met. I think I just loved how I was feeling and the way he was with me. I know this now cause it didn't hit me until the last time I saw him & we were cuddled on the couch watching tv, and I felt all these emotions for him and that's when I began to fall in love for real. Everyday after I felt it more since we had met, been intimate and all that. I'm just feeling a mix of emotions right now..upset and hurt cause he lied and used me. Sad cause I miss him and it's over. Stressed cause now I have to stop and do it alone and what my mother is going to say.

How long did you chat with him and prior to meeting? And how many times did you meet up with him?

[hazeleyes]

Caught feelings for you? But I thought he told you that he had feelings before he met you??

It was an excuse. Strange that your smoking wasn't a problem and prior to him having sex with you. It all became a problem and after the sex....lol
If he'd had 'real' feelings he wouldn't have blown you out....end of.

How long did you chat with him and prior to meeting? And how many times did you meet up with him?

At first when we started talking, he always told me how hot I was. I would just say thanks. Once I gave in and said I would date him, he then said he has a big crush on me, then that turned to he really liked me, then the i love u started a month later. I actually thought he smoked cause one time he did say ''i wish i was there smoking with you'' but that was when we were just friends, or thought we were. The smoking didn't become a problem we started dating, but I couldn't stop because he wanted me too. I had to do it cause I wanted too. We met online around July. He would message me all the time and I remember thinking ''my God he messages me as soon as he signs on..beastin!' but since he wasn't disrespectful and was nice to talk too, I always answered.' We didn't start dating until the beginning of November and we met the first time on Christmas which was a Saturday. The original plan was he would come after work everyday and take off some days. Once I got there, then he said he'll try to come after work if he got out early but he took off tuesday and thursday. The blizzard hit on Sunday, so he couldn't come on Tuesday but came Thursday and that's when I went with him do do a closing on a house he sold. He ''left'' the next day when I was supposed to go to him. Never saw him again. Part of me thinks he never left and was just pretending he did.

[xxazurexx]

At first when we started talking, he always told me how hot I was. I would just say thanks. Once I gave in and said I would date him, he then said he has a big crush on me, then that turned to he really liked me, then the i love u started a month later. I actually thought he smoked cause one time he did say ''i wish i was there smoking with you'' but that was when we were just friends, or thought we were. The smoking didn't become a problem we started dating, but I couldn't stop because he wanted me too. I had to do it cause I wanted too. We met online around July. He would message me all the time and I remember thinking ''my God he messages me as soon as he signs on..beastin!' but since he wasn't disrespectful and was nice to talk too, I always answered.' We didn't start dating until the beginning of November and we met the first time on Christmas which was a Saturday. The original plan was he would come after work everyday and take off some days. Once I got there, then he said he'll try to come after work if he got out early but he took off tuesday and thursday. The blizzard hit on Sunday, so he couldn't come on Tuesday but came Thursday and that's when I went with him do do a closing on a house he sold. He ''left'' the next day when I was supposed to go to him. Never saw him again. Part of me thinks he never left and was just pretending he did.

When you say 'smoking', do you mean smoking pot? If so, I can understand why this would be offputting for a guy. HOWEVER, he knew you smoked it and before you two met for real and if he accepted this fact before dating you...then why not when dating you?? I dunno.....I'm still thinking if he had real feelings and really cared, he'd have remained by your side and wanted to be there for you and help you quit the addiction. People don't turn their backs on people they care about and if they have a problem they need help with.

So let me get this straight, You chatted for a period of 4 months before you met. Is he long distance? I'm taking it that you travelled to where he lives and you planned to meet from there. So where did you stay and when you reached his hometown, because you were obviously not invited to his home to stay there.....don't you think that is odd that you were not invited to his place to stay?
So you only met him ONCE???

[hazeleyes]

When you say 'smoking', do you mean smoking pot? If so, I can understand why this would be offputting for a guy. HOWEVER, he knew you smoked it and before you two met for real and if he accepted this fact before dating you...then why not when dating you?? I dunno.....I'm still thinking if he had real feelings and really cared, he'd have remained by your side and wanted to be there for you and help you quit the addiction. People don't turn their backs on people they care about and if they have a problem they need help with.

So let me get this straight, You chatted for a period of 4 months before you met. Is he long distance? I'm taking it that you travelled to where he lives and you planned to meet from there. So where did you stay and when you reached his hometown, because you were obviously not invited to his home to stay there.....don't you think that is odd that you were not invited to his place to stay?
So you only met him ONCE???

Yes, pot and cigarettes, but he didn't know about the cigarettes until after we started going out. He never really said "I want you to stop now" He would say it like ''u need to stop cause it's bad for you, and you need to be healthy and life will be better and you have to do it for yourself not me" so I said ''ok I will, but I had to do it when I was ready to stop and when we met I felt ready. I figured it was real. Guy just paid for me to go up there, I thought things were good. When he ''left'' and I told him I was gonna stop but I had some at home so when it was done I wouldnt get anymore. He said fine and he'd be there to help and support me. Two days before we broke up on Thursday, he asked me again, I told him I'm not done with it. I don't smoke that much but there wasn't much left and I should be done soon. He said okay again. Friday he was all mushy with me and Saturday it's over.

He lives in New York, I'm in Florida. The original plan when we first started dating was he was gonna come here to see me and I would stay with him at a hotel around new years. Then he asked me if I would drive up and meet him halfway somewhere in virginia or where ever. I said okay, but 4 days before Christmas he said he found cheap flights to NY on Christmas, so he'd pay it. I stayed at my apartment. I'm from NY and my father still lives there, but he was in Florida for the holidays visiting us, so the apartment was empty. I figured on the days he took off that I would stay at his place at least one night, but it never happened. I saw him twice. The day I got there, he picked me up at the airport, went back to my house, did whatever, showered, went out to eat & he drove me to my friends house. And Thursday, I cooked for him, we cuddled, watched tv, talked, then went to his job upstate, put me on a train home so he didn't have to drive back down (probably had to be home for wifey) & that was it.

[xxazurexx]

Yes, pot and cigarettes, but he didn't know about the cigarettes until after we started going out. He never really said "I want you to stop now" He would say it like ''u need to stop cause it's bad for you, and you need to be healthy and life will be better and you have to do it for yourself not me" so I said ''ok I will, but I had to do it when I was ready to stop and when we met I felt ready.

Know what you mean. I'm a smoker myself (not pot) and I would only quit and when I felt ready to also and it has to be the 'right; time....or perhaps we are just making excuse to continue?...lol

I figured it was real. Guy just paid for me to go up there, I thought things were good. When he ''left'' and I told him I was gonna stop but I had some at home so when it was done I wouldnt get anymore. He said fine and he'd be there to help and support me. Two days before we broke up on Thursday, he asked me again, I told him I'm not done with it. I don't smoke that much but there wasn't much left and I should be done soon. He said okay again. Friday he was all mushy with me and Saturday it's over.

It does appear that it was actually an issue for him and if he'd kept mentioning it. I originally thought he'd brought up the smoking and after he didn't want to see anymore. Could also be however, that he was just making it an issue and so building up a reason to end it with you....perhaps?
Look at this way. If this guy is married and I'm suspecting he is, because it's diodgy he never invited to you his place, (combined with the papers you saw), he will have known that he couldn't continue in a relationship with you anyway and give you what you want and simple fact being, he is married! So, he's had to have a good enough reason and to end with you.

Do you know his home address? Perhaps you should start doing a little investigating.

[hazeleyes]

Well he hardly did bring it up, he told me how he felt at the beginning but always stressed not to do it for him, but for me so I was waiting until I wanted too. I told him I would never smoke either in front of him and I didn't. He never said it was a problem that would affect our relationship and when he left to puerto rico he told me that he didn't want to lose me, and he knew the deal, he said it was fine, so he should have said no you have to stop now if it was such a big issue to him. I just find it funny how he did it after I mentioned seeing he was married. When I woke up I had a text saying ''good morning'' Then I find the message on facebook, so somewhere between the text and him getting to work, he changed his mind. He said what set him off was a status I had put about tv reality couple that reminded me of me and my ex cause they always fought. I said what the hell does that have to do with us. He said cause I still talk to him. I said you knew we were still cool. You said you weren't jealous. Everytime I asked you if it was okay to hang out with him, you said yes you trusted me. So what's your problem? Then he said that I dont understand what set it off was the weed. Then Monday it was the smoking and I rushed it and he didn't feel those things he told me.

I saw his home address on that website that had all his info and that he was married.

[xxazurexx]

Probably is married. Which is one good reason and the main reason why you ditch him for good.

If he'd cheat on her....he'd cheat on you too.

[hazeleyes]

Holy shit! I didn't notice it before on that site cause I was too busy staring at the married part but he lied about his age too. He's in his 40's!! wow