In love and want to fake my own death

[warriormaiden]

^^From the way she describes it, it sounds like she CAN'T talk to them about this.

This is a one hairy situation, dude. This goes kinda beyond just having a relationship. This kinda sounds like life or death.

[elise4]

Very difficult and potentially dangerous situation.

You don't have to go as far as faking your own death. It's not only very complex, but the police would easily catch on if they investigate.

My opinion, and what I would personally do in your situation is to first move out and then, after a month or so Poof! disappear. You're already a grown woman at 26, so I think the best course of action is to just leave your parents and move somewhere else far away so they can never find you. Start a new life, the way you want to live it, without having to worry about them.

It's pretty awful to have to leave your family, but you're gonna be very unhappy if you stay with them any longer (as I notice you've been until now). And it's definitely better than to become an honour killing or to be forced to marry someone you don't love. If they're capable of hurting you or forcing you to do what they want, then I'm sorry, but you might as well give up on them. It's better to just cut ties with a family like that. I know you care for them and they'll be hurt to lose you, but it's either your pain or theirs. They brought this onto themselves with their tyrannical restrictions.

The police can't force you to come back home, as you're over 18. I don't know the exact procedure, but I'm assuming you should talk to them before you go/leave some written document behind that mentions you're leaving because you want to (and you weren't kidnapped or smth), so that they don't have to search for you. You're an adult and you have the right to leave your family, so they won't get involved in this.

About your current white boyfriend, I wouldn't bother. He's moved on really fast and I doubt he truly loved you that much. Don't do this for him, do it for yourself, your future and your well-being.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

[twinrexes]

How dependent are you on your family? If you can consider faking your own death, then the idea of disappearing should be OK too, unless you think they'd hunt you down. But you should also be asking yourself if you could tolerate a life without your parents and family in it. I've know people who've been disowned by family (for being gay, for instance) and never gotten over it. You've already suffered from depression, is it BECAUSE of them, or in spite of their efforts to help? If family is causing all your troubles, then you're well rid of them. But if you rely on them for help and support, then you need to be thinking long and hard about how you'll feel without them.

[xxazurexx]

The thing is as well, is that in a situation like this you have also got to think 'long term' and future...

Assuming you do fake your own death/decide to disappear with this guy, what if you go a few years down the line with this guy and it doesn't work out between you both?
You are going to find yourself all alone in the world, with nobody at all you can turn too.

[SelflessnHumble]

^^From the way she describes it, it sounds like she CAN'T talk to them about this.

This is a one hairy situation, dude. This goes kinda beyond just having a relationship. This kinda sounds like life or death.

First off, we can only speculate and say "it sounds as though" type of stuff.
2nd, she is 26: a full grown adult. If she would like to make her own decisions: she needs to move out, not file a fake death certificate.

If she can't cut the cord but has to take the easy out in order to live her life: that's entirely her choice but certainly a dishonorable one (to me)

Everyone will listen to what someone has to say when: they mean it, and when they stand up for themselves: until then?
They will treat her like the controlled and unassertive little girl they presume her to be.
It's not life or death...You are taking this story much too literally.

[SelflessnHumble]

Very difficult and potentially dangerous situation.

You don't have to go as far as faking your own death. It's not only very complex, but the police would easily catch on if they investigate.

My opinion, and what I would personally do in your situation is to first move out and then, after a month or so Poof! disappear. You're already a grown woman at 26, so I think the best course of action is to just leave your parents and move somewhere else far away so they can never find you. Start a new life, the way you want to live it, without having to worry about them.

It's pretty awful to have to leave your family, but you're gonna be very unhappy if you stay with them any longer (as I notice you've been until now). And it's definitely better than to become an honour killing or to be forced to marry someone you don't love. If they're capable of hurting you or forcing you to do what they want, then I'm sorry, but you might as well give up on them. It's better to just cut ties with a family like that. I know you care for them and they'll be hurt to lose you, but it's either your pain or theirs. They brought this onto themselves with their tyrannical restrictions.

The police can't force you to come back home, as you're over 18. I don't know the exact procedure, but I'm assuming you should talk to them before you go/leave some written document behind that mentions you're leaving because you want to (and you weren't kidnapped or smth), so that they don't have to search for you. You're an adult and you have the right to leave your family, so they won't get involved in this.

About your current white boyfriend, I wouldn't bother. He's moved on really fast and I doubt he truly loved you that much. Don't do this for him, do it for yourself, your future and your well-being.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

Very good advice! But disappearing (even after she's moved out) -if they don't preempt her independence by throwing her out to prove a point 1st:
without at the very least communicating that she is fine, even if it's after she's gone (to me) is a good thing to do...Why burn a bridge due to internalizing your feelings?

[Sweets82]

Thank you for your replies. The main issue for me atm is that I am still hung up over my ex. He got with his current girlfriend a week after we broke up and keeps putting on facebook how happy he is with her, also she is better looking than me. I have deactivated my account, and havent stopped crying and drinking all weekend. Hiding this pain from my parents, and blocking contact from friends, because I dont want to talk to them about it. Work colleagues are sick of me upset everyday. I have become self destructive and very worried I am physically shaking from how happy he is with his new beautiful gf and how fast he is moving on from me. I am suffering. I dont want to fake my death, I just want to get over him!!!! But how? I am currently looking for a random bloke on the internet to spend tomorrow with, as I am aching for some male attention and unfit to go to work.

[sookie6]

OMG OP...you are not happy with your life, craving for male attention and still under your parents roof. Why don't you take things step by step and keep in mind that no man will save you from your life?

The first step for you if you are in complete disagreement with your family about your future is to break free in a sensible way, ie securing a job in another town, without saying anything to anyone and one day move out leaving a note behind saying you are safe and just wish to live your own life. It takes a lot of guts but it's doable...

[Saya]

made mistake...sorry... couldn't add quote with this post for some reason...

[Saya]

Thank you for your replies. The main issue for me atm is that I am still hung up over my ex. He got with his current girlfriend a week after we broke up and keeps putting on facebook how happy he is with her, also she is better looking than me. I have deactivated my account, and havent stopped crying and drinking all weekend. Hiding this pain from my parents, and blocking contact from friends, because I dont want to talk to them about it. Work colleagues are sick of me upset everyday. I have become self destructive and very worried I am physically shaking from how happy he is with his new beautiful gf and how fast he is moving on from me. I am suffering. I dont want to fake my death, I just want to get over him!!!! But how? I am currently looking for a random bloke on the internet to spend tomorrow with, as I am aching for some male attention and unfit to go to work.

I understand that you love your ex so much and that your in a lot of pains at the moment because I know that most of the break ups hurts if you still love that person a lot....

You and your ex broke up and if your ex still loves you then he wouldn't start having a new gf within a week of your break ups.... so it tells me that he probably doesn't love you anymore...

If you want to get over your ex then you should go out, have fun with your female/male friends... you have to keep your mind busy by doing something else.
Don't keep in touch with your ex!! Don't talk to him, delete all his contact and try to stay away from his friends also.

You have depression and alcohol problems... you need real help!! If you can't talk to your family about this then get a help from someone else.
Staying away/blocking contacts from your friends won't help you! Talking about this will probably help you a lot and if your friends are really your friends then they will stick by you and understand what your going through.

[Sweets82]

RE: the depression and alcohol problems. Ive had treatment for it in the past, antidepressants didnt work for me, depression has been onoing and alcohol I only use to cope with the pain, and it works for me. I am already seeing a counsellor weekly through occupational health (which I reccommend to anyone who has broken up from a relationship and struggling with work).

My ex txt me last week for the first time since we broke up, he sounded so happy, we had a long conversation thru txts, so I told him I was happy too (lied). He wants to be friends forever, which is what I prefer too. But I cant facehim just yet, even though lots of my stuff is still left at his house. He txt me just now asking how my weekend has been, and I told him its been a bit of a struggle. Im sorry if Im typing and moaning too much, this helps, just telling others what Im going through. Counsellors dont give any advice, they just listen!