He doesn't want me

[ljoh]

Yeah i agree that after being together for a while the sex will naturally dwindle and everything else in our relationship is fine. We probably have sex about one a month at the moment, if i'm lucky and once a week would do me! Every relationship is different obviously but i think that two years is not long enough to go from having sex 3 times a week to once a month....i dont even want to imagine what it would be like 10 years down the line

[xxazurexx]

If I was in your situation, I'd be seriously considering as to whether I really wanted to remain with a man like this.

While I don't think sex is 'everything', I see it as being an 'important' part of a relationship and if we don't feel loved, are not having certain needs met, etc, resentment can build and it will start to affect other areas of your relationship that are 'good' at the minute.

You are right. If it's bad now, what will it be like in another ten years?

[ljoh]

We have sex about once a month and while that might be fine for other couples, it isn't enough for for me. Once a week would be fine! I totally understand that obviously sex won't be as often after the honeymoon period has ended but I think two years isn't really that long, not long enough for only having sex once a month and especially because we're only in our twenties. We've talked about marriage and having kids and I love the thought of starting a family with him as everything else in our relationship is fine but i dread to think what our sex life will be like once we've been married for 10 years and have 2 kids...I've basically given up so god knows when we'll have sex next, it hurts me the most because he knows it upsets me and yet he's done nothing to work with me and help to fix it.

[Kaius]

Yes 2 years is too soon to lose so much passion. The magic number is 7 years.... This is the hump when people start to cheat, and complain about their partners. This is also the time when people settle into the relation/marriage, as by the 7th year couples typically have at least 1 child. In the old days it used to be 7 years of marriage, but nowadays people move in together and live a married life before they are actually married, so the clock would start way before wedding. So you can be dating for 2 years and married for 5, or dating for 3 years and married for 4, the magic number 7 never fails.

[Regnent]

There's a few things that I know off off hand that can cause disinterest.

Porn addiction. Yes, you can be addicted to porn, and it can lead to being turned off by the real thing. No idea how common it is.
Stress. Stress can be a -big- libido killer. Can be work, relationship, or just life in general. Change (moving in together) can also cause stress.
Cheating. This can often limit at home libido.
Tired. Physical or emotional. You don't need a physically draining job to be tired.
Low Sex Drive. He could just be uninterested.
Avalibility. Moving in together makes you always present. Might kill his libido.

Could be any number of things, how to pinpoint it if he's not helping, not sure.

[ljoh]

While I don't think sex is 'everything', I see it as being an 'important' part of a relationship and if we don't feel loved, are not having certain needs met, etc, resentment can build and it will start to affect other areas of your relationship that are 'good' at the minute.

I'm glad someone else thinks this way too, as I have thought about where this relationship is going but then i feel really guilty for thinking of ending things because of sex. But you're right, it is making me resentful and also quite bitter so the point where even if he did try it on with me now, i'm not sure if i'd even want too. I know that sounds a bit contradictory but im getting so fed up it's just making me angry. It's putting me in a really awful situation as i do still love him very much and we've talked about marriage and a family and while i would love this to happen im not so sure we could have a healthy relationship without sex. But at the same time it doesn't seem right to throw away all that we have for that reason.

[ljoh]

There's a few things that I know off off hand that can cause disinterest.

Low Sex Drive. He could just be uninterested.


Could be any number of things, how to pinpoint it if he's not helping, not sure.

To be honest it could just be that he has a low sex drive which i would be fine with if he just told me that was the reason! Instead it just makes me feel unattractive. Like you said, it could be any of those things but il never know if he doesn't tell me and that seems out of the question as im not sure i can have another 'talk' with him about it as im steadily running out of energy.