Meeting up with Ex GF for lunch/coffee this weekend. Need advice!

[fivefootfour]

Hi Ollie,

Its sounds like you are in a very similar posistion to me. My ex broke up with me 4 months after a 1.5 year relationship. It was a small argument that triggered her emotions off, that resulted her needing space. After a few days I had to get in contact with her to try and figure out what the hell was going on and she broke up with me by text message saying that she needs to sort her career out, get her own friends back, live a little and not settle down. She said she realised this on her 21st birthday although she knew I didn't want to settle down and I was always happy to help her with anything. I then found out she had started seeing he ex again (I think - long story) but I don't think there together now if they ever were.

These reasons made me go no contact with her and I kept it like that for 2-3 months, it killed me not contacting her and I think of her everyday. But she never made an effort to contact me. I found out her gran had died 2 weeks ago and I decieded to contact her saying my thoughts are with her family. She replied saying thanks hun x. A couple of days later it was my birthday and happy birthday x, I replied saying thanks and then she started asking me about my plans for the year. I made out I was doing lots of stuff and asked her. She said shes got interviews and her grans funeral. I showed her sympathy and said well done but I haven't heard anything since. Although she has unblocked me on facebook and her status is single.

I don't know what the hell to do, I want to be with her and wish she'd come back like you wish your ex would come back. I can't stop thinking about her and I don't really think that I got any closure. I don't know if I showed her enough interest when she broke up with me as I didn't beg for her to come back or anything but I was so upset about her going to her ex (if she did). I've been so tempted to text her again but so far i've stopped myself, I haven't got a clue if she would be interested in sorting anything out.

I think your probably doing the right think by ignoring her, unless you just keep the replys short when you reply. I suppose you've got to go with whats in your heart and if you don't think theres any chance of getting back together then blocking her is a very strong move to make and it should help you get over her quicker.

I'm sure everything will turn out the best for both of us. If you've got any advice for me let me know.

Best of luck!

[Ollie76]

It looks like you did everything right. You did'nt beg, plea or anything like that so you pretty much kept your dignity. You did the right thing by contacting her regarding the death in her family so that pretty much opened the door to start communication.

I would take it slowly. Don't bombard her with calls, text, etc because you don't want to come across as annoying. Try contacting her maybe once every two weeks just to ask how shes doing and go from there. Be patient. Heck, she may be the one to initiate contact first just like my ex did, although I just found out that all she wants is for me to transfer all of my digital photos of us together (4 years worth = thousands) on to her hard drive.

The key is to be patient and take it slowly.

[Ollie76]

WOW!!

Now I guess there is actually zero hope of getting her back. Check this out, a mutual friend of my ex GF and I forwarded an email to me that my ex GF sent her and this is what it said:

"Hello there friend! Since your not to great with facebook I decided to respond via email instead. Things with me are going GREAT! (If feels weird to say) I'm going to (NAME OF UNIVERSITY) trying to finish up my undergrad degree. I'm living in the cutest apartment ever in (NAME OF CITY), which is really close to home. (MY NAME) and I broke up in January and honestly it was the BEST decision I have ever made! I feel like an all around new person and I mean that in the most positive way possible.

How are things with you? How is ****? How is work? Fill me in on everything. I hope that life is treating you well.

Talk to you soon!"

Now, I feel like I was some sort of cancer in her life. I am utterly stunned!!

[steviej]

She has done what you need to do. She is feeling on cloud nine. Because she has made big changes in her life following the break up. Mmoving into a new apartment is exciting, it holds no memories at all of you so she is able to be reminded of you less. I've found the killer for me is being in the lounge & kitchen in the evening after work because we would always hang out there and it hits me hard. I'm actually moving to a new place today that won't have any memories of her so I hope this will help.

F#ck this girl off! You have to change your mindset now, it won't be easy but if you can force some drive and determination about it that will help.

Come to terms with it being over. You gave it a shot at fixing it, she wasn't prepared to. Closure, pick yourself up and don't look back.

[Ollie76]

Yeah, I think I'm moving along pretty well. It's been two months and my desires to get back with her are fading away. At this point, I don't really care which direction this goes.

Get this, I awoke this morning and saw that she sent me two texts overnight saying that she missed talking to me and asking if it would be weird for us to try and be friends. WTF?

[fivefootfour]

That's crazy. Womans minds are just impossible to work out mate.

Is it possible that she set that email up with your mutual friend to get you thinking that she's not bothered when really she is or is your mutual friend just not like that? I don't know what they are like but it probably ridiculous of me to suggest it. If the email is genuine then maybe it is time to move on now you've finally got closure and you know her feelings. If you can deal with being the friend then feel free but might slow down the healing.

Cheers for the advice about my situation. I've not contacted my ex yet but still considering it. The situation seems a mess in my head, haven't got a clue what she's thinking!?