Am I awful in a relationship or is my gf far too insecure?

[KingZ]

she's totally dependant on me for money. I pay her rent, groceries, phone bill etc. Basically she's asking me to send her 1 month's rent then pay for a plane ticket home at the end of the month. I don't know what this 1 month is about... I suspect she expects to lay low for a couple weeks and then start trying to make up with me again before the end of the month.

You are her bitch.

[blinki]

put your foot down and tell her to back off. or you're leaving her. although you should anyway. she IS nuts!!! this isn't a joke, get rid of her before it gets any worse. she already has you, but is still basically stalking you.she is one of those people who will never be satisfied. until she ruins your life. and when life is absolute shit because what she has done, who will you have left? HER. that's all. that is what she wants. one day she probably want you to stop going to work as well!! and this crap at work, she'll probably end up getting you fired.

SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. that's obvious. all she cares about is herself and what she wants.

wow... i can't say it enough. you really need to get rid of her. i don't know how to get rid of someone like that though. be prepared. she probably will come to your job, yell at you in public, she will try to destroy you. and either way, she is going to get what she wants.

[LordJohn]

She wants to see everything you do on the computer? She's not your mother and you're not 10. You can really do better.

[HeartIsAching]

In truth, he couldn't do much worse.

[Take2]

It's not that this girl is a permanantly evil and worthless woman...it's just that her immaturity and insecurity have rendered her incapable of being a good partner. That will only change when she decides to change it, it will take a long time, and it doesn't sound like it will start anytime soon.

Right now, she is toxic. She doesn't even understand that she is hurting you, she is just trying to soothe her wounds with her unfair expectations. It won't ever be enough because she doesn't even understand what she really needs or wants. And there is no reason for any guy to put up with such behavior.

The healthiest and kindest thing you could do for this woman is put your foot down. She will probably leave you or force your hand to leave her. She will probably abuse a few more men before she realized she is the problem and maybe decides to grow up a bit. But if you don't put your foot down, it will be that much longer before she can heal and your suffering will not gain anyone anything.

[jerybaby18]

WOW. She has got some SERIOUS issues. Do yourself a favor, RUN!! as fast as you can!! She is way too controlling. And let me tell you, you have a lot of apologizing to do to your friends. NEVER should one drop a friend for an insecure mate. I have always told men that I date, I have male friends and I value their friendship, if you can't accept it, there is the door. There is one of your biggest mistakes. I am still best friends with my ex husband, and won't give that up for anyone. Mind you we have a son together, but either way, i wouldn't do it. This has NOTHING to do with you and your friendships. Only to do with her and her insecurity. And let me warn you, you and her will no longer be together and you will end up with nobody. Some of your friends may tell you to F*CK off, and I don't blame them. If you want any normalcy in your life, drop this girl. It will only get worse.

[abitconfused]

Hi All - I thought I'd check in and update anybody curious.

I'd like to say thanks for all the responses - there's been a lot more sympathy than I expected! I don't fancy making an unreadable block of text trying to reply to everybody but there's been a lot of sense in this thread. I guess I went into this relationship with the attitude of 'I will do anything for this girl' and I did, and it got me into a shitty place.

Where I am now.... we broke up a couple days ago when she was bothering me in the office as I mentioned earlier. Yesterday I called her just to make sure she isn't homeless (her rent is due today), and that was all I mentioned and I hung up the phone when she made it clear she had it covered. I realise this was even probably giving her too much but deep down it would weigh too heavily on my conscience if she got herself in a shitty situation.

She called back about 2 minutes later, surprised that I hadn't been calling her to tell her how much I miss her etc. I explained that she clearly doesn't understand the current situation at all, so we should just stay broken up. I explained what was going on and what she'd been doing to me. Next she had a rather bizarre 'moment of clarity' where she suddenly understood the problem with her controlling behaviour. She said all in one sentence 'I see now that you need your own friends, time to spend with your colleagues, time to be by yourself, etc' in such a weird way that it seemed like she'd known this all along and just wasn't giving me that space. I told her that we've been here before (we have - the last time we broke up after she attacked me) and that eventually she just acts the same way. We spoke for a bit about things but the general notion was that I didn't think she could change herself, she would just pretend for so long that these things were ok before she started taking issue to them. One specific thing I did mention that she took issue with was that I still didn't fully understand why it was so morally bankrupt to watch porn (the looking at porn thing became a bit of an obsession for her) but I was still willing to not watch it because she hated it.

She called me again at 2am begging me to not break up with her, I refused to answer her questions and insisted that she let me sleep. After threatening to block her number she finally did stop calling me.

She called me this morning to tell me that she was packing to go to the airport now and would try to catch a cancelled flight home, because she can't stay with me because I still don't believe looking at porn is so wrong (despite agreeing not to watch it anyway). She's up to her old manipulative games so I'm quite relieved to let her go at this stage.

Thanks very much for giving me the kick up the ass I needed to do this properly, and opening my eyes to what was really going on. I've got some phone calls to make to some neglected friends.....

[HeartIsAching]

Excellent news!

[Take2]

You broke up with her, and she got back with you by breaking up with you back while you were already broken up? She is ALMOST as delusional as my ex-husband. You chose wisely. Good job.

[girl68]

Thank God. Now, have a life.

[jerybaby18]

Glad to hear you are doing what is right for you. She will still most likely try her hardest to manipulate you. Just stay strong! Glad to hear you are making those calls to your friends. Hope they are understanding and give you a second chance. Just don't make the same mistake twice!

[blinki]

good for you, dude! you've done the right thing. you can have your life back now. good to hear :-)

[Bo]

I never claimed to be perfect, the case with the porn is probably the biggest screw up I've ever done. Now she remote desktops into my machine so she can see what I'm doing at any time, to check I'm not looking at porn. I really haven't ever done anything to hint that I'd cheat. She was insecure about this before she saw me looking at porn.

She's made mistakes too, I've actually forgiven her for hitting me and I've never mentioned it for 4 or 5 months now. She still complains about me getting my family involved at the time, and still expects me to not spend time with them as a result of that incident.

I'd love to be able to chat to my friends about this but she reads all my chat logs, my emails, my phone bill etc to see who I've been talking to so I wouldn't 'get away' with having those conversations....

EDIT: Hmm this was a response to another reply this thread got, but poster has since deleted it

This is coming from a female, there's nothing wrong with looking at porn. If it were my bf it would just be nice if he didn't jack off while watching it in front of me or watched it like fives a day. THAT is not the issue, any sane person would know that there is no emotion attached to porn. And attacking you with things? That is totally insane. There's nothing wrong with video games unless you're spending no quality time with her. And really hour game sessions sometimes, are really not bad. She needs to get her own life and get out of yours.

[ashley89]

this woman is nuts, you have been doing nothing wrong. she has huge insecurity issues and it sounds like it's unbearable to be with her... get away quick!

[hello1]

I say her hating porn is nothing unusual with a lot of women! but the other stuff of course is wrong. I say she will properly learn the hard way from this relationship, that is properly the bit that sucks...she MIGHT be better with the next guy shes with as shes learnt with you.

like anothwe poster said, this woman isn't evil she just has huge personal issues she needs to sort out before getting into any relationship.