Ended A Nearly 3 Year Relationship

[Cerby]

im not even sure if i knw how to live in the present.....should i completely stop talking to him

Unfortunately, yes. Based on your situation above, being in contact with him won't have any positive impact at all. I know how friggen hard it is to go no contact (there right now myself). But you just need to re-inforce yourself, keep busy, find something to do even while at home.

ie I've taken to watching Breaking Bad/Law and Order and weight lifting. I make sure to do it right at 10pm, which is when my ex would normally call so I'm not thinking about her.


I know its hard, but no contact is the BEST way to get over things. DarkHelmet recommended a book called "The Four Agreements", I bought it and read it, and it will help you cope with some of the things you can't explain. Best book I've read in years.

[DarkHelmet82]

I dont see what you gain by talking to him.... its going to make your healing process that much harder.....

living in the present means dont think about the past or the future.. if you concentrate on NOW you will see that it is beautiful..

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, just cut him off completely. Don't initiate or respond to any of his contact. This new girl is only because he's hurt, and he will be trying to get in contact with you soon, don't answer, ever.

[JesterChild1994]

i'll try to forget about him...but i can't just help but to worry about him being with someone else. i knw i kinda sound pathetic :/ and i knw it's my fault for letting things carry on this far, but i guess i cant worry about what i should have done differently...he tells me that he still wants to talk to me and i knw i shouldnt...im still trying to fight the feeling to dial his number though. i guess im mainly having a hard time accepting that it's over.
i'll do my best to live in the present and not the past or the future...i think i might watch some scary movies and play silent hill

[JesterChild1994]

Yeah, just cut him off completely. Don't initiate or respond to any of his contact. This new girl is only because he's hurt, and he will be trying to get in contact with you soon, don't answer, ever.

wow....so, i guess he is trying to make me jealous...yes, i will just try to not contact him....that sounds like he's playing dirty...he knows im already going through a hard time..i cant believe he would do that...

[DarkHelmet82]

Cerby I am glad you liked the book... I agree.. its probably the best book ive read in a long long time....

[JesterChild1994]

where do you guys get this book?? and did it really help?

[DarkHelmet82]

any book store.. its called:

"The Four Agreements." It WILL change your life for the better.. and if it doesnt it will open your eyes in ways you didnt know you could. I bought that book as a box set.. within that box set were two other books:

"The Voice of Knowledge" and "the Mastery of Love." I got all three for about 30 bucks.

"The four agreements" is the one you really want though and its easy to read.. will only take you a couple hours.... Let me know if you liked it

To simplify (this doesnt do justice but...)

The Four Agreements are:

Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.

[Cerby]

My local bookstore had several copies of it. Just make sure you buy the original and not one of the many add-ons the author has published.

Its not magic, it won't make your pain go away, but it will change your perspective on the breakup, and eventually once the most severe pain disappears (the first week or so) then the stuff you learned in the book will help you move forward without regretting or blaming yourself for what happened.

[hope555]

I have some idea of what you may be feeling. There are some people that just fall real hard, and even if they logically know they should get out of the relationship, their emotions get in the way. I am exactly that way. There's nothing someone who makes you cry everyday has left to offer you. There's nothing he can do right now that will make everything better. All you can do is to force yourself to create a distance from him, and from everything that reminds you of him. That is the only way you can start to heal. That's why I think you should completely stop talking to him. It is time for you to move on to much better things in your life that actually make you smile everyday. This relationship wasn't it! *HUGS*

[DarkHelmet82]

My local bookstore had several copies of it. Just make sure you buy the original and not one of the many add-ons the author has published.

Its not magic, it won't make your pain go away, but it will change your perspective on the breakup, and eventually once the most severe pain disappears (the first week or so) then the stuff you learned in the book will help you move forward without regretting or blaming yourself for what happened.

Yeah he came out with a companion book just make sure you get the right one...The book had the opposite affect on me than it did on Cerby... I felt instantly better after reading it like it was magic... but read it and you can make that decision on your own.

[JesterChild1994]

wow...i have to find this book. thanks

[DarkHelmet82]

if you dont like it ill buy it from you.. but you will.... enjoy!

[JesterChild1994]

im starting to feel a little better already ...well, i guess what im feeling is hope. i will try to find this book and i will read it.and maybe ill get it for my best friend too. our breakups happened around the same time. (2 days apart)

[confused&single]

So sorry to hear that you are going through this. I just got out of a three and a half year relationship last week. It was mutually agreed upon, but i think in retrospective he knew for a while he needed out but couldn't bring himself to do it. It's the hardest damn thing in the world to not talk to him, but I know that as the days tick on that eventually I'll get better. You just have to believe that. Occupy yourself with something else. I actually bought a journal so when I feel like calling or texting him, I've been writing in there. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes me start crying again. But at least its good to get the emotions out of you and not making it harder on yourself by calling. It doesn't do any good and it only reopens the gaping hole in your heart. Trust me...I just experienced the gaping hole last night. It felt like we broke up all over again and the whole time we were talking I was just pissed at myself that I didn't have enough will power to not talk to him. Unfortunately heart break is a part of life. Everyone at one point or another will experience it. In a few months or a year you'll be your old self and a better person because of it. I noticed that after the decision was made between us, while I was sad, the knot that I've been holding onto for the past year (the main issue was him not knowing what he wanted, so I was caring around a worry that there was an expiration date on our relationship) melted away. It was a freeing feeling and I finally knew how to felt. Take a deep breath...turn off your phone..hell give it to someone during your vulnerable times....and just know that this was the right decision for now. That's all you really can do. So sorry you are going through this...i completely feel your pain. "hugs"