Trust

[Cinnabella]

well you are paranoid then.. she apologized after right? I would just tell her it bothered you and see if she shows remorse. I cant say it wouldnt bother me dude.. but i wouldnt stop trusting my girlfriend because of it.

How about she keeps doing it? To me that's unrespect to your partner in public, others must be like " oh I envy that girl".

[Cinnabella]

Myself I didn't do it to my partner, even looking at a good looking guy, I didn't feel that I needed to do that even, I found my bf was the one attracted me. And I think It's unrespect to my partner even, something like " omg that guy Is hot" is over reacting here.

[DarkHelmet82]

Im not condoning her actions.. I think its quite rude.. But to NOT trust someone because of it is a little extreme

[DarkHelmet82]

We aren't different were all human... its just that society finds thinks acceptable for one gender do things and not another.

Im sure if a girl came on these forums and said the guy she was with says "OMG THAT WAITRESS IS HOT"... she would be getting different advice. Im tired of all this BS, if people dont want people to be insecure they need to stop making them insecure.

wait a sec.. nobody can make you insecure except YOU..

I am just trying to give you unbiased advice.. I HATE when my partner flirts with the opposite sex (the current one doesnt)... but yours wasnt flirting.. maybe she told you that to judge your reaction... maybe she did it because she thinks she can be honest with you... myabe she did actually think he was hot.. but stooping down to her level is not the way to do it.. What if she told you.. "I think your brother is really good looking." would you still be pissed?

[steviej]

I see the op's point, but he's making such a huge mountain out of a molehill.

She said some guy is hot, wow. Am sure you'd say the same if some megan fox lookalike walked past.

I bet There are women that you find more attractive than your girlfriend, that doesn't mean you're gonna cheat on her. Likewise there are better looking blokes than you, it doesn't mean that she'll cheat on you.

Let it go, if it does happen again just tell her you feel insecure when she says things like that. Don't get petty.

[Cough Cool]

wait a sec.. nobody can make you insecure except YOU..

I am just trying to give you unbiased advice.. I HATE when my partner flirts with the opposite sex (the current one doesnt)... but yours wasnt flirting.. maybe she told you that to judge your reaction... maybe she did it because she thinks she can be honest with you... myabe she did actually think he was hot.. but stooping down to her level is not the way to do it.. What if she told you.. "I think your brother is really good looking." would you still be pissed?

Theres no such thing as unbias advice... just different advise.

Also people are insecure becuase of how people have treated them and treat them... treat someone like cr** they will feel cr**. Make someone your in a relationship with feel like your the only person they want.. they will feel that way...

Pointing out people you think are hot... doesn't really secure any foundations of trust. In my case were its cleary a EXTREME thing to do in a restarount on a date... EXTREME reactions take place afterwards... mine being that if she is like this when Im around... what is she like on a girls night out?... its simple really, people would be lying if those thoughts don't accur.

[Cough Cool]

I see the op's point, but he's making such a huge mountain out of a molehill.

She said some guy is hot, wow. Am sure you'd say the same if some megan fox lookalike walked past.

I bet There are women that you find more attractive than your girlfriend, that doesn't mean you're gonna cheat on her. Likewise there are better looking blokes than you, it doesn't mean that she'll cheat on you.

Let it go, if it does happen again just tell her you feel insecure when she says things like that. Don't get petty.

Im not being petty... I just wondering if she respects me because if she doesn't I cant trust her. I know there are hotter people than me and her. I don't say it to her infact I do nothing to make her jelous or anything because Im a nice guy and respect and understand that those things do make people jelous... I just hoped that she felt the same and actualy though hey maybe I should stop acting like a 16 year old talking to her girlfriend and focus on the guy im on the date with.

[VincenzoG91]

Im not insecure.

I have been with her for 2 years no issues what so ever. Her best friend is a guy I have no problem with that... she went on holiday with him last summer.

Those words are just ringing through my head and I keep seeing her face when she said it... I have never seen her make that face towards me, ever.

To me, that holiday last summer is a much bigger deal than her careless outburst. Still, the outburst is also a bit troubling, because it indicates that she may have low self-control and even low self-esteem.

[DarkHelmet82]

Theres no such thing as unbias advice... just different advise.

Also people are insecure becuase of how people have treated them and treat them... treat someone like cr** they will feel cr**. Make someone your in a relationship with feel like your the only person they want.. they will feel that way...

thats where you are wrong dude... It is actually exactly the opposite.. people treat others certain ways because of the way THEY feel, not because of YOU. You are taking it personally. Nobody can make another person feel a certain way about themselves, think about how ridiculous that sounds. YOU control your mind and your emotions, and YOU choose how to feel. Nobody else does it for you or can make you feel a certain way. Even in love, you love a person because of the way YOU feel about them not because of the way THEY make you feel. Understand?

For some reason you are holding on to agreements that you have been trained since childhood to use.

1. you are taking what she did personally. What about it has ANYTHING to do with you. She did what she did because of how she feels about HERSELF
2. You are assuming. Assuming she is doing this for one reason or another..
3. You aren't being precise with your speech. You didnt tell her NO. You were dishonest by telling her it was ok.
4. You arent doing your best. You are settling for a relationship that you are CLEARLY unhappy with.

That stuff is in the book "The four agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz.. you will feel better. I paraphrased and put in information that realates to your situation.. but just read it and then you can thank me later

You are also LIVING IN THE PAST... thats a BIIIIG mistake and will only equate to utter disaster.. LIVE IN THE MOMENT

and how can there not be unbaised advice.. when someone doesnt have stake in what they are saying would make it unbiased..

[Cough Cool]

thats where you are wrong dude... It is actually exactly the opposite.. people treat others certain ways because of the way THEY feel, not because of YOU. You are taking it personally. Nobody can make another person feel a certain way about themselves, think about how ridiculous that sounds. YOU control your mind and your emotions, and YOU choose how to feel. Nobody else does it for you or can make you feel a certain way. Even in love, you love a person because of the way YOU feel about them not because of the way THEY make you feel. Understand?

For some reason you are holding on to agreements that you have been trained since childhood to use.

1. you are taking what she did personally. What about it has ANYTHING to do with you. She did what she did because of how she feels about HERSELF When in a emotional relationship it has everthing to do with you and people shouldn't do things because of how they feel thats how they end
2. You are assuming. Assuming she is doing this for one reason or another.. Assumption are your opinion or point of view while could be wrong they are there for a reason
3. You aren't being precise with your speech. You didnt tell her NO. You were dishonest by telling her it was ok. Thats rediculous you should have to tell someone hey can you not stare at the opposite sex while your on a date with me
4. You arent doing your best. You are settling for a relationship that you are CLEARLY unhappy with. I have been doing my best but it seems like all the partners I have just dont have the same respect for me as I do them and there feelings

That stuff is in the book "The four agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz.. you will feel better. I paraphrased and put in information that realates to your situation.. but just read it and then you can thank me later

You are also LIVING IN THE PAST... thats a BIIIIG mistake and will only equate to utter disaster.. LIVE IN THE MOMENT What does this even mean? Its completely irrelavent

and how can there not be unbaised advice.. when someone doesnt have stake in what they are saying would make it unbiased.. Simple really, advice always bias because people go by there own experience and what they think its there opnion therefor its bias... its not a fact

Answers in red.

[DarkHelmet82]

your counter arguement makes no sense...

Im not going to go through them all as you obviously dont want advice...

but living in the moment has EVERYTHING to do with your issues... you are crying over something she did days ago, and arent enjoying life as it is right now.. IT is pretty apparant you are miserable because you are LIVING IN THE PAST. Right now.. is there anything wrong? NO there isnt.. live in the NOW and shit wont bother you.. that is all that means.

Now im going to respond because you got me going:

1.WRONG!!! NOTHING has to do with you when it is from another person... IT is how they feel and either act out in a positive or negative manner.. there is NOTHING personal about it..Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… if I see you on the street and say, ‘Hey, you are so stupid,’ without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, ‘How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?’

2. How can you assume anything.. can you predict the future? How are you supposed to know what a person is thinking? What does making assumptions accomplish besides getting your head all screwy?
We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

3. You didnt tell her not to do it... re-read what i wrote.

4. Trying your best and doing your best are two different things.

[DarkHelmet82]

to further clarify the dont take anything personally part..
Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
Let’s think about it. Imagine interacting with the same person in two different situations.
First: the person had an AWESOME day—they got a great night of sleep, won the lottery and every other thing that could’ve possibly gone well for them unfolded. They’re feelin’ great. How do you think they’re gonna treat us? Probably pretty well, eh?
Now, same person. This time, they got a really bad night of sleep, lost their job, got in a car accident, didn’t eat all day long and every other annoying thing that could’ve happened, happened. Not in such a good mood. How do you think they’re gonna treat us now? Prolly no where near as well as when they’re rested, happy and all that jazz, eh?
The important thing to note here is that WE were exactly the same in both situations. But if we base our opinion of ourselves on how someone else treats us, we’re in trouble.
AGAIN: Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.

[DarkHelmet82]

did you end it? whats the word dude...

[Horseyguy]

Go DH!!! Ya nailed it dude

And I'm still struggling to see what the big deal is here, so she found the waiter hot

Did she say "wow that waiter is hot, you're dumped and I'm going to go run over and give him my number and hook up with him"