Major Money Issues

[misombra]

Marrying somebody is buying their debt and liability. Plus it likely will not last. Once the money train is up she'll be gone and you'll have nothing to show for what you've earned. Marrying her would be a fatal error.

[Petit Papillon]

80k...You could buy a veeery nice new car . Or as you said, it's actually 2/3 of your dream house. And this all for a person who is more likely to squeeze you and leave you broken. The risk rate is so high that it's actually crazy that you're willing to gamble your own future. It's against all logic and don't be surprised that no one here is aproving your steps... Look back at your history, she wasn't treating you the best even before you knew that she's having a double life and she was basically feeding you lies for 8 years! During those 8 years you could have met another woman, who would be suitable enough for you and you would probably already have house and children.But you don't, you've lost so much already, not only from material point of view, and you're still sticking up for this woman. I understand you love her, but this situation is terribly pathological. Nobody , who's thinking straight or at least close to straight would put up with all this. Who has ever seen a situation where you're in a relationship with someone and this person is having another relationship with someone else,living with this person *because of something* which is whatever anyway, cause there is any normal relationship where this would happen.How can you sleep knowing that she's with other guy and that she will *come back* to you "someday" ?? This girls is going to take you down soo much...Anyway you will probably stick with your plan ,but I'm almost 100% you're going to regret it one day,when you'll be old, poor and she'll be gone when you won't be able to support her financially anymore... Try maybe telling her that you lost your job and you're broken, I'm wondering if she would be willing to be with a broken guy like this. She's not asking you for supporting her career plans but believe me, she wouldn't even have such plans,if she would know that you can't give her that money.

[VincenzoG91]

80k is so much money. Its terrible how you've squandered it on this bitch. People are starving and homeless in this world and she's getting a free ride from you. You're crazy for hanging with her. There are people who will come into your life anf ruin it if you let them and she is a glowing example. Along with money I'm sure you've also lost friends and family members and aquaintances have lost respect for you.

I really hope you gain insight soon vinny.

I didn't spend the whole 80K on Amy. Some of that money was spent on my previous ex, who literally was homeless at times. She was a single mother with two kids, and as I later discovered, a meth addiction. I really wanted to help her, but I eventually realized that I couldn't, so I stopped. And before anybody starts babbling about co-dependency, forget it. I wasn't like that during my peak dating years. When I first fell for Amy, she had a full-time job, a decent car, a nice apartment with a roommate, and was taking night school classes. She really seemed strong and self-sufficient. Things got rough after the two rounds of surgery on her feet. She was in a car accident when she was a teenager, and the metal pins from that surgery were coming loose. The final round of surgery was a failed attempt to correct a mistake made during the previous surgery.

Don't assume that I'm taking her back. I will hear what she has to say, but if our goals and values aren't matching up, I'm moving on. I need to see her leave this guy, get a restraining order against him, come back to me, treat me better, and wrap up her college education in two years. If she can't meet those conditions, I really don't want her anymore.

Unfortunately, she wants to delay meeting until tomorrow night. She stopped by this morning to surprise me and say hi on her way to work, but then decided that she rushed getting ready for work and looks like a mess today. So she wants to meet up tomorrow when she can take the time to look nice for me.

Looking forward, I just don't have much enthusiasm for the dating scene. I remember a lot of crappy behavior by the women I dated, especially the way women wanted to date up (socially and economically), so that women that were my peers would look down on me. I remember that all too well, and I will have even less patience for it this time around and just call them on the b-s on the spot.

[misombra]

Unfortunately, she wants to delay meeting until tomorrow night.

that happens a lot i've noticed. she's big on delays.

[vashti]

Don't assume that I'm taking her back. I will hear what she has to say, but if our goals and values aren't matching up, I'm moving on. I need to see her leave this guy, get a restraining order against him, come back to me, treat me better, and wrap up her college education in two years. If she can't meet those conditions, I really don't want her anymore.

I'm glad to hear this. I hope you will hang tough.

Looking forward, I just don't have much enthusiasm for the dating scene. I remember a lot of crappy behavior by the women I dated, especially the way women wanted to date up (socially and economically), so that women that were my peers would look down on me.

Yeah, dating kind of sucks. We should compare stories some time.... Lots of the men my age are busy chasing after 20-somethings or want me to take care of them.

[IndiReloaded]

No, Vince. Just.... no. I'm won't add to this except to say I completely agree w/Vash and Miso.

As for baggage, this is just not so. History, yes. But there are plenty of women your age w/their shit together. This gal isn't one of them.

[oneandonly]

...Yeah, dating kind of sucks. We should compare stories some time.... Lots of the men my age are busy chasing after 20-somethings or want me to take care of them.

How about you two guys hook up? lol. Since you two are amongst the best love advisers on here, wouldn't that make you two a perfect match? lol

[vashti]

How about you two guys hook up? lol. Since you two are amongst the best love advisers on here, wouldn't that make you two a perfect match? lol

In all honesty, I think a man who is used to a highly-dramatic woman would find me boring. I like things simple. I am dating a man off-and-on who is like that - I suspect he KNOWS he "should" like me, as I am all the things he professes to want, but I think he misses the drama, and isn't even aware of it.

[IndiReloaded]

I am dating a man off-and-on who is like that - I suspect he KNOWS he "should" like me, as I am all the things he professes to want, but I think he misses the drama, and isn't even aware of it.

Okay, clearly I've missed some things while I've been away. Hope you are happy, Vash.

[vashti]

Nothing serious, indi... just killing time. Casual dates...

[IndiReloaded]

Huh. I see. Here, you'll appreciate this then:

Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.

The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.

At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.

The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

[pisces25]

Vincenzo whatever happens when you meet her just keep in mind it is not wise to take her back just because you think you won't meet anybody else. This is a recipe for disaster. You are an attractive, funny guy with his head screwed on and a lot of great women will want to date you. If you do end up back on the dating scene give it a chance. Project a positive, happy vibe and you will attract the same. Do you really need all the stress that is going to come with going back to your ex? If you are worrying about money now and if she is going to cheat again how on earth are you going to not worry about those things when you emotionally invest in her. There is a good reason you are having these doubts.

[VincenzoG91]

Because she complicated things by having her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend move in, Amy is probably committed to staying there until the end of the summer, then moving out when she starts classes at the end of August. We've talked about this before, and I'm not happy about it, but I understand it. If she is sticking with that course of action, I'm going to tell her that I'm going to start dating again. If I'm not seriously involved with anybody at the end of the summer, I might take her back. That gives me a chance to try out dating other women for a while and see how things go.

Or maybe not. If she can persuade me that everything will be better, that I can trust her and expect an improved relationship, I will probably give her a chance. If I don't give her a chance, wondering about what could have happened will haunt me for years. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be marrying her anytime soon. I can take her back, and if things don't go well in the coming months, I can still dump her again.

[pisces25]

I took my BF back with the same attitude.. I thought I would regret not giving him another go. 5 weeks later things are a lot better and whilst it is taking time to build the trust again he is doing all the right things and there is a notable difference in our relationship. Not every relationship is perfect and when you love someone you need to be prepared to accept them for how they are, faults, debt and all.

[abn25]

You seem to think very logically when it comes to money but your heart keeps getting in the way and thats why this keeps happening. You love her, but only if she can be the woman you want and really need her to be at this point in your life. She really needs to understand your point of view.
I would be extremely skepticle about her current living sitiation...with another guy the same one she left you for??? Trust your instincts but listen to your heart. Lay it all out on the table with her and maybe just give her an ultimatum. She must really convince you otherwise.That amount of debt without a difinitive plan is asking alot of anyone. If she really has clear goals set after school then nutriton can be pretty lucrative career option. Hospitals, nursing homes and even spas need them. Love is a very hard thing thats all i know. I told my ex who'd i'd been seeing against my better judgement that i couldnt take him and his bro to the airport, then i gave in because he seemed upset and was saying he would pay me, take me out to breakfast etc i said i guess so. Believe me we all make stupid mistakes for love. I wish you well and hope you get all your cards laid out tonite.