Girls VS Video games

[Mathias]

What the f**k are you talking about. TONS of girls are ignored all the time because of "men" playing games. It's a serious issue, men, boys and "babies" alike.

If that's the case, don't date them. Plain and simple.

Making rules and telling them what they can/can't do is absolutely the wrong way to approach this. You'd be out the door as soon as you proposed that.

[qwertz]

I understand where she's coming from. My suggestion is make some rules. You get 1 hour per day uninterrupted. When an hour comes you either get off immediately or she comes in a reminds you to get off immediately. If you fail to get off you show lack of respect as "ok in 5 minutes" is not an acceptable response. If you can set up strict boundaries and follow them there shouldn't be a problem but you both have to get what you want. You get some gaming time and she gets time with you.

An hour a day?? My hobbies dont involve games but they usually take up alot more than an hour a day...if my bf said to me "right, you get one hour a day to partake in your hobby and thats it" then THAT would be a deal breaker.

[Mathias]

An hour a day?? My hobbies dont involve games but they usually take up alot more than an hour a day...if my bf said to me "right, you get one hour a day to partake in your hobby and thats it" then THAT would be a deal breaker.

This.

Look, if he's ignoring you and playing video games constantly instead of paying attention to you - that's a problem. However, making rules isn't going to be the answer. He doesn't get to do what he enjoys, he'll resent you for it, and you'll end up being the controlling person - because that's exactly what you're doing.

Have a serious conversation about it, and if it doesn't change, leave. If you start making rules with your significant other, and start "enforcing" them like he's your puppy, he'll either leave or start acting like a complete wimp. Neither of those options can be attractive.

[girl68]

Jesus. You're his girlfriend, not his mother.

It's a freaking compromise. If you don't set some ground rules it remains undefined. He could say "you said I can play a "little bit" When his version of a little bit is 3 hours and her version is 15 mins. This establishes that. Not saying it has to be 1 hour, it could be 4 whatever is acceptable for both parties. Compromise. Don't know what a compromise makes you shit your pants. The reason is should be strict is because soooo often 1 hour turns into 2hrs because of another 5 mins another 10 mins oh please just this one more level etc.

THE ONE HOUR WAS AN EXAMPLE. It could be 10 mins it could be 5 hours. Whatever is acceptable between the both of you.

[Yet another guy]

My other half is a keen WoW player and for so long I could not stand him constantly playing it. I think because with that kind of game if I am there when he is playing I feel completely ignored coz he can't interact with me whilst raiding or in a dungeon.

I'm not directing this to you even though I quoted you. I'm saying this to others who still feel like what you've described and haven't figured it out yet.

Playing games is very much like any other hobby in this respect. You can't have a deep, meaningful conversation with someone who is rock climbing, diving, dancing or practicing piano. If your partner is playing baseball, you can't expect them to spend time with you during a game. A lot of hobbies require full concentration and playing games is one of them.

In following, substitute reading with anything you like to do a lot...
How would you feel if every time you were reading a book your partner became annoyed and complained that you could be doing something with them? How would you feel if they started fights about it or used it as an argument in unrelated fights?
I find it incredibly obnoxious to show disrespect towards your partner just because they are doing something that you don't care about.

[vashti]

Why don't you just play when she's not around? Is that really asking too much?

I have to admit that I wouldn't tolerate a grown man routinely playing video games for hours on end.

[Mathias]

It's a freaking compromise. If you don't set some ground rules it remains undefined. He could say "you said I can play a "little bit" When his version of a little bit is 3 hours and her version is 15 mins. This establishes that. Not saying it has to be 1 hour, it could be 4 whatever is acceptable for both parties. Compromise. Don't know what a compromise makes you shit your pants. The reason is should be strict is because soooo often 1 hour turns into 2hrs because of another 5 mins another 10 mins oh please just this one more level etc.

THE ONE HOUR WAS AN EXAMPLE. It could be 10 mins it could be 5 hours. Whatever is acceptable between the both of you.

You're missing the bigger picture. It's still a rule that you're enforcing, not a compromise. And if you're "enforcing" it like you're suggesting above, rather than discussing it - that's a huge problem. That's what I'm trying to get through your head.

You're not going to attract and keep the right kind of guy that way.

[Mathias]

I have to admit that I wouldn't tolerate a grown man routinely playing video games for hours on end.

And that's fine. You have every right to get out of the relationship.

girl68's issue is that she's going to get stuck in a relationship where she's setting rules, having the guy fight with her about it, or becoming a complete wimp to her. That's completely different.

[girl68]

girl68's issue is that she's going to get stuck in a relationship where she's setting rules, having the guy fight with her about it, or becoming a complete wimp to her. That's completely different.

You'd be wrong. I don't have to place rules as you call them. I call them boundaries. My partner doesn't have any sort of given time limit on those damn games. That's because he's not a big enough idiot to play them while I'm around completely ignoring me. These "rules" are for those men who think there is no issue with playing games hours upon hours of games a day. And it is those men who need some sort of boundary on game playing time because they have no concept of what is acceptable and what is not. I am NOT suggesting every man who plays some sort of video games... lots of men and boys alike engage in games often enough but it also isn't enough to cause problems obviously those guys don't need any sort of time limit on games, it is only relationships where the gaming makes the gal (or boy) feel neglected and second place to games and where gaming almost appears to be sucking you into a dark hole of gaming addiction THOSE guys need game time limits. In my own opinion of course.

[Mathias]

You'd be wrong. I don't have to place rules as you call them. I call them boundaries.

Calling them by a different name doesn't change what it is.

If they need rules in order to spend time with you, you shouldn't be with them. That's what I'm getting at. What you're left with after setting those rules is the guys you won't want.

[girl68]

You're missing the bigger picture. It's still a rule that you're enforcing, not a compromise. And if you're "enforcing" it like you're suggesting above, rather than discussing it - that's a huge problem. That's what I'm trying to get through your head.

You're not going to attract and keep the right kind of guy that way.

I would like to address this as well. This compromise would have started with a discussion where both parties get to say their piece. and both come to agree and both agree to adhere... I would not want the girl to run up and say 1 hours that's all you get if you don't get off I turn it off. No, I don't want it to go down like that at all. I want her to express how him ignoring her while gaming makes her feel second to games, and express that the 2 horus spent on gaming when she's over is too much and that she'd rather go out with him and do something they both like. Then he gets to say why he enjoys it so much and that he needs to cool down for however long by gaming.... and they both agree he should play games, and that gf should get her quality time. They they should agree on an acceptable time to play. Then they should mention how to go about the situation where the time has expired and how she should remind him time is up, and so on and so forth. I'm not against the discussion of all of this in a mature manner, but I am about sticking to the "rules" because I've soo often heard this discussion go beautifully only to hear the girl say he can't stop playing at the time that was agreed on... which is why follow through is important. I guess that's my issue.

[mammadon]

What the f**k are you talking about. TONS of girls are ignored all the time because of "men" playing games. It's a serious issue, men, boys and "babies" alike.

So? Life is learning how to accommodate around others. The OP simply said he plays games to unwind, not ignore his girlfriend.

[Mathias]

I would like to address this as well. This compromise would have started with a discussion where both parties get to say their piece. and both come to agree and both agree to adhere... I would not want the girl to run up and say 1 hours that's all you get if you don't get off I turn it off. No, I don't want it to go down like that at all. I want her to express how him ignoring her while gaming makes her feel second to games, and express that the 2 horus spent on gaming when she's over is too much and that she'd rather go out with him and do something they both like. Then he gets to say why he enjoys it so much and that he needs to cool down for however long by gaming.... and they both agree he should play games, and that gf should get her quality time. They they should agree on an acceptable time to play. Then they should mention how to go about the situation where the time has expired and how she should remind him time is up, and so on and so forth. I'm not against the discussion of all of this in a mature manner, but I am about sticking to the "rules" because I've soo often heard this discussion go beautifully only to hear the girl say he can't stop playing at the time that was agreed on... which is why follow through is important. I guess that's my issue.

If you have the discussion, and he's still ignoring you, then you're not compatible. Nagging him because he's spending 63 minutes playing instead of 60 is ridiculous, and any guy who puts up with that is a wimp.

I think you know this, and are just being stubborn.

[girl68]

Calling them by a different name doesn't change what it is.

If they need rules in order to spend time with you, you shouldn't be with them. That's what I'm getting at. What you're left with after setting those rules is the guys you won't want.

Yes, I would agree, but ALL relationships have rules and boundaries that go both unsaid and said. Which is why my ex at 32 years old is single and most likely will be for a very long time. Gaming is far more important that a special woman. And I'm not the only one who walked out on him because of it. He can't stick to any rules whether he made them or someone else did.

[girl68]

If you have the discussion, and he's still ignoring you, then you're not compatible. Nagging him because he's spending 63 minutes playing instead of 60 is ridiculous, and any guy who puts up with that is a wimp.

I think you know this, and are just being stubborn.

True, if it truly were only 3 more minutes even 5, I honestly wouldn't piss on him for it. But like I said in my experience, it's not only 3 minutes. They say "5 more minutes" and then it becomes 10 and then and then it's a full extra hour. That's my issue that I had it wasn't just a few extra minutes here and there. It just keeps getting longer and longer. I've lived through the second place to games, I don't know why I stayed for so long, dying on the inside hoping he'd change... he never did. Never again will I stand for that, SO knows this and doesn't have any time limit but doesn't need one because I know I'm more than a game to him anyways.