How did i let my happiness slip away..

[Horseyguy]

Kay, wtf...

I just told him i couldnt speak to him no longer if he wasnt willing to work towards something with us. I said that i couldnt just be like this.. I would want to try work toward SOMETHING involving us, yet he doesnt want to hear anything about us. But now, now i have said that no i cannot be like that.. He is saying "well please, i dont want to lose you.. I am just so confused on what to do'..

Why does this have to be so hard. He doesnt want to be with me, but doesnt want to lose me. I am so angry at him right now..

He is just keeping me around for the f*ck isnt he.. He wants to have other girls but doesnt want to lose me right? Ugh.

For what it's worth my advise would be to **** him off, tell him you want space to deal with your own feelings and selfish as it may be you are not interested in dealings with his right now.

Maybe in a few months you can catch up for a coffee and see where you are at but other than that just to leave you alone.

That's exactly what I did to my ex who couldn't make up her mind about what she wanted so just ended up playing me like a yo-yo

Take some time for all the emotional stuff to settle back down and give him time to figure out what he really really wants because right now he will just suck you back in because he doesn't want to lose you, but you just open yourself up to even more heartache later.

[Purrzzzzzz]

I dunno... I would have been ok with everything.. after that, I knew that he had always been 100% committed to me.. something I had never gotten from anyone before..he couldnt even look at another woman... OK!!! so why does it have to be too late now? I changed everything.. he knows it.. but its like- its broken and cant be fixed... I didnt cheat, or anything like that...

[VincenzoG91]

He is just keeping me around for the f*ck isnt he.. He wants to have other girls but doesnt want to lose me right? Ugh.

Yes. If he really wanted you and cared about you, there wouldn't be any other women in the picture. He wants to keep you around for FWB and as a backup plan if things don't work out with the other girl.

[VincenzoG91]

I wish I could make a short version of what happened with me.. its so complicated.. he was so cold to me, for so long,, I thought he didnt want to be with me.. so I broke up with him.. THEN he told me everything.. it was MY FAULT!!! if he only could have told me why he was feeling that way.. my god, I would have done just anything for him.. I can kinda understand his way of thinking...I SHOULD have known.. and I ruined it.. it is no longer perfect...I think he forced himself to stop loving me.. but I will always love him...

Don't take the blame. He failed to communicate what he was thinking and feeling when it would have made a difference. A relationship needs communication or it won't last.

[Purrzzzzzz]

Don't take the blame. He failed to communicate what he was thinking and feeling when it would have made a difference. A relationship needs communication or it won't last.

I just dont know how to stop blaming myself.. every day I was hurting him and didnt know... omg.. its so awful... I thought he didnt care..but his coldness was caused from pain..he is the most beutiful person I have ever known in my life.. and I hurt him so much... I just didnt know :'(

[Horseyguy]

I just dont know how to stop blaming myself.. every day I was hurting him and didnt know... omg.. its so awful... I thought he didnt care..but his coldness was caused from pain..he is the most beutiful person I have ever known in my life.. and I hurt him so much... I just didnt know :'(

Because you are not responsible for his feelings, only he is.

He chose to feel that way, he chose to shut down and not communicate to you. This is so not your fault!!!

[HereComesTheSun]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel hurt and used, but he swears he isnt with a girl although i cant see any other reason why he would want this to be like it is. He is a brutally honest person at times so i want to believe him. I feel like he is telling the truth, but i just cant be sure and dont know if i do believe what he says.

He said, he just doesnt want to be stressed about us anymore, that he just wants to be happy with me without the expectations we have for each other.. Because we were becoming more and more controlling of each other.
What hurts is that i KNOW what he is saying, but he doesnt think i understand.. but i do. I dont want the stress of it either, i cant tell him enough that its what i want. To just learn to be happy with each other, and accept we have lives other than each other. I dont feel like we can learn to trust one another and prove these things without being together.

I dont feel as crazily lost as i did today. I have just sat and cried my eyes out and now i feel abit better. lol
I have realised i will accept what he wants to do. I wont accept anything less than i am asking for. It isnt much for goodness sake. If he doesnt accept that, then i wont be anything. There will be no 'time off'. it will be done, i will not get myself back into this devastating situation again.. It truly breaks everything inside me until i feel there is nothing left of me.

Our biggest problem is us not understanding each other. We do not see eye to eye that way, and we have a HUGE problem in communication. If we were to try this again, and we have to talk this out.. How would one improve communication?? How can i help him understand me, and him with me?
We cannot have a reasonable conversation, our conversations and discussions end no where everytime.

[HereComesTheSun]

Because you are not responsible for his feelings, only he is.

He chose to feel that way, he chose to shut down and not communicate to you. This is so not your fault!!!

Agree with that completely. He chose what happened too, it wasnt just you who called the shots in this. There was a reason you ended it right? What was it he explained to you, that you got so wrong may i ask?
Relationships are a 2 way thing, everything each person does affects the relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

One way to improve communication is to sincerely try to paraphrase what you think he is saying, and vice versa. Then correct each other and resume talking about the issues. Be patient and work at it.

[Purrzzzzzz]

Because you are not responsible for his feelings, only he is.

He chose to feel that way, he chose to shut down and not communicate to you. This is so not your fault!!!

thank u HG.. I know I have to get past it.. just dont know how.. I hurt him so much...

[Purrzzzzzz]

Agree with that completely. He chose what happened too, it wasnt just you who called the shots in this. There was a reason you ended it right? What was it he explained to you, that you got so wrong may i ask?
Relationships are a 2 way thing, everything each person does affects the relationship.

there was an ex who had played me for a fool.. I was making him pay for it by pretending that I was still SO in love with him.. until I had a chance to pay him back for what he did.. the one I was really with had no problem with it.. was helping me.. I asked him several times if he was ok with it.. there was never a problem... (god its so complicated) if I had known that anything was bothering him I would have stopped it!!! I didnt know... :'''(

[Purrzzzzzz]

maybe now you can see how STUPID I am! I took his coldness for not caring.....

[Horseyguy]

thank u HG.. I know I have to get past it.. just dont know how.. I hurt him so much...

FFS!!! You didn't hurt him !!!

He is doing this to himself, seriously stop taking responsibility for how he is feeling.

That is why you can't move on!!!!

You are chosing to feel quilty about HIS feelings so you are trying everything you can to make him feel better and the pseron that's suffering is ....... you!

[Horseyguy]

maybe now you can see how STUPID I am! I took his coldness for not caring.....

His coldness was not caring

You were in a relationship with him. Shutting down on you, going cold on you and not communicating with you is NOT something you do to someone you care about.

[Purrzzzzzz]

just one f*cking time if he could have said 'this is bothering me' or ' I am jealous' ... or when I asked if it was bothering him he could have just said YES!! I never would have spoken to that other guy again.. but everything was always so F*cking fine... sorry if I am rambling...