I'm not doing very well :(

[smackie9]

lol I've never heard of anyone being excited to see a counselor before.....You already have quite the positive outlook. Best of luck.

[JadenMia]

Don't mind me asking - so what are you doing so far away from those you are close to ? I believe we have concluded that this relationship is harmful. It may be worth doing something as drastic as moving back to England to put a stop to this. Think about it ...

Well, moving here was the best decision i could have made for my daughter. Where we lived in the UK wasnt the nicest of places, constantly people being jumped, mugged, stabbed, robbed on the streets. I just felt so unsafe being there anymore, that country is going to sh*t. My immediate family lives here so i followed them out here. I wanted my daughter to have the life i never did, i probably wouldnt consider moving back home. The difference in lifestyle here is amazing.
Smackie, im not excited to see a counsellor, i am excited to hopefully get something sorted for myself, figure out why i feel the way i do and why i have stayed i this relationship so long even with all the problems we have. Even if she gave me advice how to make my relationship better that would be great. Who wouldnt be positive about that..

[smackie9]

You may get more out of the counseling sessions than you think. It's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[JadenMia]

Thanks im crossing my fingers it is. Right now i am concentrating on feeling okay being alone. My house is fricking spotless i have cleaned so much!! lol
And thanks MerryH your advice and kind words are always very helpful. I dont know what is going on since friday, he is being weirdly nice. Quite clingy if i may say so, if i dont answer his texts or calls right away he starts bombing my phone with sad texts like 'i hope you're not being bad dont you want to talk to me'? Those kind of texts.. Texting me cute things through the day, came to work on my lunch to take me out to eat.. Things he usually doesnt do.. Maybe he senses i have had enough and pulling away? Im not sure. I havent made anything clear except i broke down on him on friday and said i am sick of it all. He changes modes all the time.
Also, he told me today that he is thinking of gettin his tickets and going to work away on the rigs. This might be a god send for me im thinking. Get me used to being alone, not feeling so scared to be alone without him all the time. It might give me the head space to start knowing and getting what i want in life from now on. Hmm.

[smackie9]

I think that you and the GFs of his past let him get away with his crappy behaviour for too long, but now that you are not putting up with it anymore, maybe, just maybe he will learn that he can't be like that anymore. It's always best to snuff out the bad behaviour right at the get go, be for it becomes a habit. I hope you will communicate to him what it is that has to change. Shutting him out seems to be paying off.

[McRich01]

So as some of you know, my relationship is just all wrong. I dont see the point of us anymore except the fact that we have fun when we are together. When things are good they are amazing. But when we are apart then i dont seem to exist to him and his friends and drinking are more important.

Last week i decided to pull away from him and try focus on myself and my own needs.. All was well, i felt good. But im starting to feel sh*tty about the whole situation again. I feel so angry he just doesnt care.. It makes me feel worthless and stupid.. Most of all i feel so lost and alone.
Yesterday was Canada day, i was so excited to go watch the fireworks, have a good night with him and my daughter. But i got told i had to open the store today so it turned out i couldnt do anything. I stay in with him every weekend when he works, i wouldnt want him to feel ditched.. So i always cook up a good meal for him, get a good movie etc. I have been doing this for him for the past month or so.
Well, when i said that i wouldnt be able to do anything.. He said it was a shame but he still wanted to go out. I felt just stupid that i feel like i just give and give and he doesnt seem to care at all. Or see that i always try to make him happy. When i got p*ssy with him that he didnt want to spend it with me, he got all defensive, bringing up past events and causing a huge argumet. Hung up on me and ignored me when i tried to call.

I am just so sick of spending my nights like this, upset and resentful. Most of all i am SICK of feeling angry. Its the most sickening emotion for me, and i just cant handle feeling like this anymore..

Is there anyone who has been completely head over heels for someone who treats you like crap? Someone you just cant bear to leave, but you know you have to?
How did you get over it? Is there anything that helped?
Im so fed up of being in this particular situation, where i am so unhappy but feel so stuck.

Thanks for taking the time to read, i really like coming here to vent and hear other peoples opinions.

Sorry to hear this.

I will be perfectly honest, I went through a stage of treating my ex girlfriend like this for over a month (I look back on it and feel like an absolute jackass!)

I choose the drink, Going out with friends, Over staying in with her, And i completely messed up.

My only advice to you, Is to sit him down and talk to him, Because my ex never did this, I never knew the pain i was causing until it was to late. He might be in the same position.

You have to tell him its either you from now on with full on commitment, And he cuts out being a jackass, Or you're walking.

Take it from someone whos been on that side of the fence.

[JadenMia]

Woops!
I obviously spoke to soon, yesterday after being all nice as pie to me, saying all he wanted to do was hold me and that he missed me, he asked to spend the night together and watch movies. I thought what the heck, i really wanted to too.
It went great, just really loving and affectionate telling me how much he loved me.. All the nice things. We layed down to sleep and a conversation came up about different races. He is so very racist and i am just not, he started to rant on about how worthless other races were etc. I said that i didnt think it was right how he judged people because of their origin or skin colour and he started to get mean. He knows i find hispanic males attractive and started saying how disgusting they were and no good for anything other than making white men look better. *rolls eys*
I turned around to go to sleep and he started nit picking, saying i was 'disgusting and greasy for findng them attractive and that he 'wouldnt want to be with a b*tch who thought that way'. Started bringing up someone i used to be with who looked hispanic and told me to get out.
I got upset and said i didnt know how or why he had to ruin a good night over something like that, i find it so effing frustrating!!! I just stayed quiet and tried to ignore him and he just said 'sorry, i guess im crabby tonight'. Turned around and went to sleep.

He left for work this morning, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me. I just dont understand why he gets that disrespectful. Its like a totally different man who has no feelings for me whatsoever when he is like this..

I have spoken to him about this before, when we speak about it, he says he is sorry, doesnt want to lose me and loves me more than anything, but then the next week it will happen again. So i dont really sit him down to talk anymore, it does no good really.
Thanks for the feedback guys! I was hoping he had realised i was serious about him being good to me or gone. I guess he hasnt.

[smackie9]

Oh dear you need to end this. This guy doesn't have any moral values.....how can you have that around your daughter. In my eyes you've got no self esteem being with someone like that and putting up with it for so long. He will not change, he is who he is......get out of this relationship.

[JadenMia]

Oh dear you need to end this. This guy doesn't have any moral values.....how can you have that around your daughter. In my eyes you've got no self esteem being with someone like that and putting up with it for so long. He will not change, he is who he is......get out of this relationship.

ugh im afraid you're right. It just got worse today when he went to work, i fell asleep with my daughter and when i woke up there was at least 20 texts on my phone from him.. Just horrible texts, then texts 'supposed' to be sent to someone else saying 'that b*tch is ignoring me so lets go drink'.. what the F. I need to leave him, he is just f*cking insane.

[smackie9]

I just hope your life isn't in any danger......if it gets real unbareable get a court order against him to protect you and your daughter.

[JadenMia]

I dont really think my life would be in any danger, he wouldnt hurt me to the point of my life being in danger i dont think. I know if i was to ignore him and leave him i would get nasty texts and hurtful calls but thats about it. Things are just so frustrating and complicated, i dont know why he keeps doing this crap. He is just very possessive, it used to be okay when he got jealous or annoyed at things, he would get sulky i would console and reassure him. But now he takes it to a different level, getting mad at things that arent any of his concern. Like a race i find attractive, i dont see how he can get so angry about it. He says i dont act like a girlfriend should, yet i think i do. I dont do anything innapropriate at all, if he's hungry i cook for him, if he wants something i buy it, if he wants to make love i give him my body..
I dont do anything that i shouldnt.. I know i should leave, he is just so resentful over this kind of stuff, when i do break up with him, he makes it so hurtful that i cannot bear it. I am not going to let him get away with this crap anymore and making me feel like this though, i am not going to pussyfoot around him anymore. I am going to do my own thing, see my friends, not spend all my time revolving around him and if he leaves me, he leaves.

[smackie9]

The only thing you have done wrong is not breaking up with him.