Is something wrong with me sexually?

[MaidenMinx]

The tips that Maiden has mentioned are all a part of foreplay. Foreplay isn't just about teasing her clit for 5 minutes or squeezing her boobs until you decide she's ready for sex.

Actually, they are not just a part of foreplay. The blindfold for example would be just as effective during penetration, and aromatherapy would work better over a period of time. My thought process had very little to do with the foreplay aspect, I was more figuring the OP is having a hard time switching her brain off and was over-thinking things. My suggestions were based on what I have come to understand of the senses and how much of an impact your senses can have on your thoughts. By throwing her senses into an unanticipated state she may have a chance of letting go and enjoying herself.

[Jolicoeur]

Get her brain thinking about sex before you even hit the bedroom. Most guys don't initiate foreplay until a woman is lying on the bed and they spend a few minutes playing with her breasts or teasing her, but that's about it.

This is interesting, and frankly, kind of new to me. I don't want to hijack this tread, but could we have a separate discussion about this? You would do mankind a service I think.

Back to soxx:

And about the stress part....in fact, my sexual problems started around the same time my stress and anxieties went away. Very curious....

I'm not a shrink, but I think this is a clue. Maybe you got too familiar and confident in your relationship. Maybe what you need is some risk.

How about having sex in forbidden places? You could have a quicky at your parents' house at your next visit over, or even better, at his parents' place. Or in the men's bathroom of a five star restaurant. Or in the elevator of a government building (check for security camera's first!). Something I would like to do once is make love to a girl while she's on the phone with her best friend, without letting that friend know.

Now perhaps you don't need to be physically in the forbidden place. Maybe you can imagine that what you do is kind of wrong. Maybe you can convince yourself that someone is going to burst into your bedroom while you're at it. Leave the door ajar next time.

You could also imagine that you're married to a rich old man, and that you're having an afair with your partner. If you're afraid he might get jalous (of himself? Could happen) you don't need to tell him. Your toughts are private after all, and I'm sure he'll appreciate your new found vigor.

[lahnnabell]

Actually, they are not just a part of foreplay. The blindfold for example would be just as effective during penetration, and aromatherapy would work better over a period of time. My thought process had very little to do with the foreplay aspect, I was more figuring the OP is having a hard time switching her brain off and was over-thinking things. My suggestions were based on what I have come to understand of the senses and how much of an impact your senses can have on your thoughts. By throwing her senses into an unanticipated state she may have a chance of letting go and enjoying herself.

While that's true, foreplay is called foreplay because it's a powerful tool that allows the couple engaging to begin to let go of inhibitions, worries, whatever might hold them back from experience pleasure. You wouldn't paint a wall without taking the time to prime it first. Foreplay is a truly important step and isn't meant to be overlooked when you're truly looking to make a connection with your lover.

[lahnnabell]

This is interesting, and frankly, kind of new to me. I don't want to hijack this tread, but could we have a separate discussion about this? You would do mankind a service I think.

Back to soxx:

I'm not a shrink, but I think this is a clue. Maybe you got too familiar and confident in your relationship. Maybe what you need is some risk.

How about having sex in forbidden places? You could have a quicky at your parents' house at your next visit over, or even better, at his parents' place. Or in the men's bathroom of a five star restaurant. Or in the elevator of a government building (check for security camera's first!). Something I would like to do once is make love to a girl while she's on the phone with her best friend, without letting that friend know.

Now perhaps you don't need to be physically in the forbidden place. Maybe you can imagine that what you do is kind of wrong. Maybe you can convince yourself that someone is going to burst into your bedroom while you're at it. Leave the door ajar next time.

You could also imagine that you're married to a rich old man, and that you're having an afair with your partner. If you're afraid he might get jalous (of himself? Could happen) you don't need to tell him. Your toughts are private after all, and I'm sure he'll appreciate your new found vigor.

Start a new thread if you like. I'll be happy to join a discussion.

[bulrush]

Get her brain thinking about sex before you even hit the bedroom. Most guys don't initiate foreplay until a woman is lying on the bed and they spend a few minutes playing with her breasts or teasing her, but that's about it. They seem to think that if she's wet, then she's ready. This is false.

That's correct. Foreplay for many women begins during dinner. I can touch my date's hand lightly, give her a wink, or stroke the inside of her arm gently. Many women like that. But every 10 minutes I do something like that. Or I might get up to use the bathroom during dinner, and whisper something dirty and brief in her ear, like "I can't wait to take you home with me."

My date the other night was so sensitive, simply me stroking her arm made her speechless. (That's not like typical women, but everyone is different.)

So you already covered stress, BC, and trying new things. This sudden onset makes me think of a hormone issue. For that see your gynecologist. I personally have experience with sudden drops in male hormones. It was bizarre and scary at the same time it could happen so fast.

[lahnnabell]

I agree with the arm stroking. I looove to be massaged and the sooner my boyfriend starts the happier he's gonna be in the long-run. Lots of slow, feather light petting. I have all sorts of sensitive spots and the man who pays attention to that is well-rewarded. There are so many fun ways to initiate foreplay.

[HeartIsAching]

That's correct. Foreplay for many women begins during dinner. I can touch my date's hand lightly, give her a wink, or stroke the inside of her arm gently. Many women like that. But every 10 minutes I do something like that. Or I might get up to use the bathroom during dinner, and whisper something dirty and brief in her ear, like "I can't wait to take you home with me."

My date the other night was so sensitive, simply me stroking her arm made her speechless. (That's not like typical women, but everyone is different.)

So you already covered stress, BC, and trying new things. This sudden onset makes me think of a hormone issue. For that see your gynecologist. I personally have experience with sudden drops in male hormones. It was bizarre and scary at the same time it could happen so fast.

This is very true. My wife and I usually have a shared innuendo or crass remark quite a while before one of us drags the other off to bed. Something as simple as "What you you like to eat?" with a wicked grin gets us going... or even "I have an hour before I have to get ready for work."

But the point is, it's mental as much as physical.

[MaidenMinx]

While that's true, foreplay is called foreplay because it's a powerful tool that allows the couple engaging to begin to let go of inhibitions, worries, whatever might hold them back from experience pleasure. You wouldn't paint a wall without taking the time to prime it first. Foreplay is a truly important step and isn't meant to be overlooked when you're truly looking to make a connection with your lover.

*sigh*

I am not disagreeing with you.

The problem with using the word foreplay in what I was describing is the assumption that one penetration occurs foreplay ends. Using sensory deprivation / enhancement doesn't not end with penetration, in fact it is more effective in some cases once penetration has occured. Please remember I was offering this advice based on the theory that she is psyching herself out of sex. This idea is to trick her brain into expecting nothing and therefore being open to everything.

Please stop trying to clarify my posts. You are making them confusing and I really didn't want to keep coming back to this thread to keep clearing up what I meant. If the OP was confused she could have asked. Worst bit is you didn't even ask if I was referring to foreplay, you just assumed and labelled it as such.

[lahnnabell]

Well, I wasn't doing it to offend or frustrate. And you're right. I simply meant that what you were describing could be considered foreplay as well. I just worded it incorrectly.