So my mum is pissed at my hubby

[vashti]

I'm quite frankly tired of her taking them as a personal insult.

His irritation was quite obviously directed at her, though. (and you.) Who *wouldn't* be hurt by that?

[rafterman]

Between who?

The three of them....I mean its his house more than MIL.She was rude for creating a racket in his home.
I would'nt bring the issue up again if its subsided. But agree should be dealt with in seperate conversations in the future. Dont make a mountain out of a mole hill ATM

[rafterman]

Minx dont want to sound rude , but your Mum sounds a bit "Difficult"

[MaidenMinx]

His irritation was quite obviously directed at her, though. (and you.) Who *wouldn't* be hurt by that?

Sure, I understand her being upset. What I do not understand is why she would leave here letting me think everything was cool, only to call me 3 hours later to bitch about him.

Do you honestly think that is acceptable adult behaviour?

And it wasn't just a "I want you to know that annoyed me". She called me up literally to whine and moan about him. Considering that, I personally think I handled it well.

[MaidenMinx]

The three of them....I mean its his house more than MIL.She was rude for creating a racket in his home.
I would'nt bring the issue up again if its subsided. But agree should be dealt with in seperate conversations in the future. Dont make a mountain out of mole hill ATM

Oh since my vent I have let it go. Haven't even told hubby that she has the shits with him. Might look like I haven't let it go because I'm arguing with Vashti, but that's a separate issue.

[MaidenMinx]

Minx dont want to sound rude , but your Mum sounds a bit "Difficult"

Oh she is! I am the only one of her 3 children willing to live in the same state as her. As soon as my brothers could, they pissed off to your end of the country and both will frequently hang up on her if she tries to pull this guilt trip crap on them. She is regularly ringing me to bitch about them too. And she doesn't want to just vent, which I would be completely cool with, she wants me to agree with her ALL the time.

I love her heaps though.

[rafterman]

I'm arguing with Vashti, but that's a separate issue.

Better her than me..Jks

[MaidenMinx]

Better her than me..Jks

LMAO!! You're pretty cool for a banana bender. :p heh heh heh

[HeartIsAching]

LMAO!! You're pretty cool for a banana bender. :p heh heh heh

Heheheh... I had to look "banana bender" up. Had no idea what that meant.

MM, your husband's reaction was poor, and it stems from insufficient communication. He assumed that you would see that he was watching a movie, and got angry when you didn't. Instead of saying "Excuse me, can you take this to another room? I"m trying to watch this." he had a temper tantrum. I don't see where your mom was wrong here, except in the manner she chose to let you know about it.

I do think it would be a mistake to not let your husband know. Improving communications is rarely a bad idea.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh HIA hubby and I have discussed that he had a poor reaction. He knows he could have handled it better. I'm not going to stress him out by telling him that mum is still pissed at him because I know where that will lead. He already feels like he has to shut part of himself down around her so's not to offend her (I get my super sensitivity from her. Unlike her I do see it as a drawback). Hubby and I communicate quite well together most of the time. Mum is very hard to communicate with because of her super sensitivity. By telling her that both he and her could have reacted differently she felt like I was against her when I'm trying to stay neutral.

The thing is, mum expects to be able to walk into our home and be treated both as if she is an honoured guest AND as if she is a member of the family that we can completely be ourselves around. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. When we're in her home she expects to be treated like a Queen. As rafter said, she sounds difficult because she is.

And it's not just hubby that will get to her like this. None of my friends can disagree with her, my son can't misbehave for her. If anyone does anything to upset her or things don't go her way she will say (and I quote) "the Universe is against me". The worst bit is, she thinks it's true. No she won't seek counselling because "it's just too hard".

I probably sound very intolerant of my mother, I'm not. I love her dearly. And she and hubby do like each other too. More often than not she can tell me how lucky I am to have him, and he can tell me how grateful he is that she is around (his parents are both deceased). It's just every now and then I feel like they subconsciously want to play tug of war with my loyalty and I think that is unfair. Yes I expect more maturity from her because she's the parent. I also know that she is jealous of what hubby and I have and that I get support for my son when she raised 3 of us by herself. Can anyone call that a mature attitude?

I would like to reiterate that hubby and I have discussed how he could have handled it. He agrees that it would have been better if he handled it better. Hindsight is 20/20. I'm not going to make him pander to mums unrealistic belief that he should be sunshine and roses all the time.

[HeartIsAching]

Heheh... You can sound intolerant of your mom if you want to. I can't stand mine and make no bones about it.

[KingZ]

I'd love to crank the shit out of some good music now, but my son has not long gone to sleep. Advantage there is I can finally go to sleep.. (she says at 20 to 10 on a Saturday night.)

If you can figure out a way to hook up your laptop to the TV, load this up on YouTube and fullscreen it:

[MaidenMinx]

Seen that before. It is pure awesomeness.

And my laptop and TV do the HDMI cable thing.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm with Raft. Its his house. He didn't invite your mom, YOU did. In fact, the error was yours. You should have had your conversation in another part of the house.

Your husband handled his frustration badly, no doubt. But do you even know what kind of day he had? He certainly sounds to me he was blowing off steam and trying to relax.

You need to apologize to your husband for the intrusion, ask him if he could please next time just say that you are disturbing him (rather than going in a huff). Explain to your mom he was tired and out of sorts. He's your partner after all, you do owe him some loyalty. If your mom chooses to hold a grudge over this then she has some issues.

[IndiReloaded]

The thing is, mum expects to be able to walk into our home and be treated both as if she is an honoured guest AND as if she is a member of the family that we can completely be ourselves around. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. When we're in her home she expects to be treated like a Queen. As rafter said, she sounds difficult because she is.

This is bad manners, period. If she is one of these women who thinks she is the next Emily Post, you might inform her there are etiquette rules for guests as well.