Do nice guys really finish last??

[Cerby]

Im not overly nice where its sickening. I mean im nice as in opening doors caring on conversations. Not like they when every argue ment hands down or anything like. That I do through out alot of compliments cuz ive always thought girls like being complimented.

Are you talking after you've started dating someone, or when you're first trying to get things started?

[Maze801]

After I have started dating someone

[bluesummer]

I dated a lot of bad boys, and in the end married a nice guy. What us women don't get for a long, long time is that the bad boys aren't just play-acting badasses that come home and turn into sweethearts. They are douchebags through and through. Maybe it's just the whole 'dominant male' thing hardwired into our brains. We do learn eventually, but usually after our heart has been run over, beaten with a crowbar and spat on.

[Kyrina]

Maze
They like compliments etc but from my expierences, i love a guy that is able to be caring considerate full of fun but able to be serious conversationalist at times, the main thing is you shouldnt need to change yourself for anyone, but sadly we all seem to need to change something we believe to be one of our best characteristics maybe your not picking up on signals for example if a girl is a little pissy she doesnt want the oh baby why are you mad speech its too satirical at the time and she thinks your taking the baby approach with her. Basically you need to look at pat times and see if your reaction should have been a little more heavy and pissy think of a situation that may have led to your break ups and see if you think she wanted you to act differently.
example my last guy cybered i was pissed off but after reading his and her msn messages i read she was very little cybering and more for making my guy jealous over her cybering with other guys this went on and on but the jist of it was she made my ex look very moronish with his chasing after her when she had no real interest in him and just wanted attention.Yes we broike up but i was so angry that she made him look totally like a idiot this anger made me go after her via net and get some information from her basically i was offended she had messed with my relationship just for giggles for herself and yes were are parted but i still feel sorry that this woman was able to make this highly intelligent man look like a idiot and he couldnt see.See the other side to things its not always better but it helps put things into context.we ended due his cybering but more to the loss of respect i had for him for being unable to see and react properly to the situation.
Dont stop opening doors but do think about how you could handle situations differently if they arise.
Sorry its long but i hope you understand what im saying... dont be a doormat because if you have no self respect in a situation that would piss her off and your unable to react by being only nice she will see it as a weakness.

[Helen of Troy]

Girls don't like just bad guys. Very young girls are often attracted to bad guys, but in time they start appreciating that they will get just problems and disappointments with bad guys, and start looking for someone a lot nicer than that. I used to be attracted to men who seemed to be very attractive to all the girls, but when I grew up I found myself a really nice guy to get married to and I haven't regretted it since. You need a nice guy to love you and give you support through life. It's true that nobody should be so nice to let somebody walk all over them, though. So, if a girl is misbehaving you need to let her know that you are noticing it and don't like it. You need to stand behind your beliefs and not give them up for anyone easily. Sometimes women see men who are incredibly nice as brotherly figures, more than partnership material. So, don't overdo it. Be nice and polite, compliments are always welcome (but don't tell her something she knows definitely isn't true!). But also try to display a bit of self-sufficiency, show her that you are happy with your life as it is, and do not make it look like all your future happiness depends just on the success of your relationship with her.

Women also like to know that a men they are dating are reliable and will be there for them if they need it. It helps if there's a chance that they will be able to take care of the family if you end up together, as women often think about the future, and how it will be if they get married and give birth to children.

[Yet another guy]

Very young girls are often attracted to bad guys, but in time they start appreciating that they will get just problems and disappointments with bad guys, and start looking for someone a lot nicer than that.

However, nice guys should avoid such "broken" girls to avoid becoming the "knight in shining armor".
They'll start missing the drama they had with assholes.

[sadie_genie]

However, nice guys should avoid such "broken" girls to avoid becoming the "knight in shining armor".
They'll start missing the drama they had with assholes.

Sounds like you have no idea how a girl's mind work.

[Yet another guy]

Sounds like you have no idea how a girl's mind work.

I don't doubt that for a second.
Would you help me understand it?

[maxmax]

I mean im nice as in opening doors ...

Well, thats just having good manners, and should be applicable whether you're on a date or not.

That I do through out alot of compliments cuz ive always thought girls like being complimented.

Compliments are fine, but if you overdo it, you'll run the risk of coming across as insincere, overly keen, and may even make your date feel uncomfrotable.

Compliments to an extent should be 'earned' so if you're just thinking one up every other minute, then it's not going to really have the desired effect.

Again, being nice, having good manners, and being comlpimentary are all good things - on their own they will not ensure 'success' on a date, but without them most dates will go nowhere, unless of course the other person likes being treated like crap, or is attracted to assholes.

All of those qualities are great, but what it comes down to is having a genuine rapport with your date, and being mutually interested and attracted to one another.

'Nice' guys are more than capable of doing that.

[smackie9]

I like an up standing guy, but not one that is too nice, does everything for me, follows me everywhere, agrees with everything I say, doormat personality, mushy gushy romantic ew no! I like a strong, independent man that has his own opinions and doesnt bombard me contantly with tests....I like my space.

[Wakeup]

Sounds like you have no idea how a girl's mind work.

I don't think you do either.

I've only been here since May and this topic has been argued about at least four times already and everyone of us still have the same opinion.

Thread search tool is your friend.

[sadie_genie]

I don't doubt that for a second.
Would you help me understand it?

Like Helen of Troy, I have also experienced heartbreaks. It makes me appreciate nice guys much more. I see "bad guys" as immature and beneath me and they don't turn me on at all. Unless a girl have deep-seated underlying issues caused by her childhood, she isn't likely to get a kick out of being mistreated by guys.

[Wakeup]

No woman likes to get mistreated by guys. Not even the one's who have been mistreated in childhood. Unfortunately the one's who have been mistreated in childhood only have that mistreatment as a guide to how they should be treated. Yet Another Guy was right (IMO) in his post. The dreaded "nice" guy (who usually isn't really all that nice but manipulative and whiney) should never think he is a white knight who can save these woman. They need years of therapy to overcome.

Everyone likes someone who is nice. Not too many like the self proclaimed "nice guy" who overdoes though.

[sadie_genie]

No woman likes to get mistreated by guys. Not even the one's who have been mistreated in childhood. Unfortunately the one's who have been mistreated in childhood only have that mistreatment as a guide to how they should be treated. Yet Another Guy was right (IMO) in his post. The dreaded "nice" guy (who usually isn't really all that nice but manipulative and whiney) should never think he is a white knight who can save these woman. They need years of therapy to overcome.

Everyone likes someone who is nice. Not too many like the self proclaimed "nice guy" who overdoes though.

Those who was mistreated in their childhood might find the mistreatment "thrilling" rather than disgusting and that is how they derive pleasure from it.

"Nice guys" don't need therapy. Identities are performative. Whether one is acting "nice", "bad", or in between, they are all doing so because they think how they are acting will get them women. Guys will give what they are asked from women. Those who asked to be mistreated will get mistreated. Those who asked to be treated nice will be treated nice. It is really sad that some women out there are brainwashed to think they should like a man who "put them into their place" or "send them to the naughty chair" (as you called it). But there are also clear thinking women out there who will ask to be treated nice as they so deserve to be.

[Wakeup]

"Nice guys" don't need therapy.

Who said anything about nice guys needing therapy? * I meant the girls who had been mistreated during childhood.(although a lot of self proclaimed "nice guys" do ,now that you mention it, because they so sorely lack in self-confidence) Oh well, I tried having a decent convo with you.

Those who asked to be mistreated will get mistreated.

I suspect that you meant those who accept mistreatment will be mistreated. I don't think any woman would actually ask to be mistreated. It must be a language barrier thing.. Are you in Quebec?

The naughty chair was an euphemism.. are you really that dense? Do you think that any woman who isn't somehow mentally deficient or has not been turned into some kind of slave would actually let her man send her to the naughty chair. O.o too funny.